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Old 05-22-2008, 07:19 AM
 
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How frequent should spouses married for 15 years have relations?

My wife and I are very infrequent in this capacity. Over the past several years it has been once every 2 months. Now it is once every 3 months. She is 38 years old and we have good commuication. When discussed the answer is "just not feeling it". I know that at times during the day she is feeling it because she makes use of her so called battery operated aids.

Any thoughts?
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Old 05-22-2008, 07:21 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tapatec View Post
How frequent should spouses married for 15 years have relations?

My wife and I are very infrequent in this capacity. Over the past several years it has been once every 2 months. Now it is once every 3 months. She is 38 years old and we have good commuication. When discussed the answer is "just not feeling it". I know that at times during the day she is feeling it because she makes use of her so called battery operated aids.

Any thoughts?
I read an article once about a couple in their 70s, married for over 50 years, where they still average doing it three times per week and it is "consensual", as in they BOTH want it... not "only HE wants it".
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Old 05-22-2008, 07:29 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, TN
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It's really going to depend who you ask on here. I'm 37 and my husband is 44. I'm gonna say at the absolute minimum 3 times a week, and that's only because he travels each week, otherwise it might be more
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Old 05-22-2008, 07:47 AM
 
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Heck. We've been married 17 years, and it's at least times a week. Sometimes 2-3 times a night.
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Old 05-22-2008, 07:57 AM
 
Location: home
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its not just the 30's somethings, i am in my late 20's and my husband is 23 and we might have sex 2 times a month. he has a very hectic work schedule and we have 2 kids under age 2. most of the time when he is home i am just too damn tired.
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Old 05-22-2008, 08:07 AM
 
Location: syracuse ny
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Sexual urges..just not with you..VERY BAD SIGN
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Old 05-22-2008, 08:14 AM
 
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totally depends on the people. Some individuals have a higher appetite for relations more often, some individuals are satisfied with less frequency, regardless of how long they have been in relationship.

We were doing it 4 times a week when we got married, and still doing it 4 times a week when we divorced 12 years later including having 3 kids in 2 years. However I have known people who are happy with a few times a month. And I have known couples in happy long term relationships without any sexual relations going on.

Please don't measure or judge yourself against what others do, as they are all over the map. All that matters is you and your relationship and how satisfying or not things are between you two. Saying "others do this" is a dangerous territory like a swamp to get sucked in to.
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Old 05-22-2008, 08:34 AM
 
Location: Wu Dang Mountain
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Depends what's going on in the rest of your life - child-rearing takes a lot out of you; advancing your career leaves you burned out; paying the bills with non-existent money kind of kills the mood; problems with family and friends takes up a lot of time.

Diet - if you're eating the wrong foods for your bodies, you'll have neither the energy nor the desire.

There's no magic number - whatever is satisfying to both is fine.
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Old 05-22-2008, 08:35 AM
 
Location: West Texas
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Seems sometimes we go in spurts. My wife and I are both working, and we have three kids (16, 15, 11). Oldest works but doesn't drive yet (we're working on it), so we have to take him to work for now. He's also in Orchestra so we have concerts to go to. Middle one is in Choir so we have her concerts, and the littlest one is in basketball so we have practices and games. Between that and our fulltime jobs, sometimes it's exhaustion and sometimes it's just bad timing.

We have a rule though. We try to get together at least once every two weeks. That is for both of us to put the time in to be relaxed enough to enjoy each other. Often it's more than that, but on occasion its less. Part of this is also understanding sexual release. She has "toys" too, (I don't but can take care of things myself). The rule with that is that if it gets to where that takes the place too much of our normal schedules, then it stops (which it hasn't done yet). Sometimes the sexual release that can seem calming (let's not get into physiology of it! ) can come from a quick "finish." That happens and it's okay. As long as it doesn't take the place of the intimacy we both want. And that line is drawn by the person, not a date on a calendar.

If it bothers you, tell her. But if it's just a quick release, that's okay, too. It's what you feel about it, and you need to let her know.
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Old 05-22-2008, 08:39 AM
 
Location: Between Philadelphia and Allentown, PA
5,077 posts, read 12,693,973 times
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Hmmm.. I dont know here.. I have to agree a little bit with everyones posts. I'm 38, my fiance is 31, we were like rabbits when we first met (three years ago) and now we both want each other but with work schedules, home life, etc.. we have fallen off of that path. We are both exhausted by the time we hit the pillow at night but I don't like using that excuse. I still want him - don't use toys and he still wants me and we just can't seem to get our timing right LOL
It has been a me and him both equally sharing in the lack of intimacy. I have to say this though, a lot of men I think have this complaint but I'm going to complain about it. When we first met and for the first year, he wanted to make out all the time and there was actually foreplay, now? I get nothing! He just assumes that when he wants something that I "know" LOL - but, I digress. Back to YOUR topic, no I don't feel it's completely normal but I do understand.
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