Should I get a divorce? (how to, marriage, women, husband)

[KelleyB1470]

I have been married for over six years now. Sometimes he still makes me laugh. That is about all he does. I feel like my needs are not being met. He has not worked in over three years. I have had to work two jobs and beg my parents for money. I am now in financial ruin. I would like to say I was at least getting sex but that is not the case. We have not had sex in 6 months. He does some house work and he does take care of our dogs. So basically I am working then still coming home to fix supper and do the laundry and all other cleaning. He naps all day long. He has been hitting and pushing me more lately. It used to be only every couple months but now it is every few weeks. I bruised up my knee last time. I am so frustrated but at the end of the day I am so worried he will not be able to take care of himself or he will be so sad he will do something stupid to hurt himself. I don't know how to live with that. We have always had a rocky marriage. We have said many times we were going to get a divorce but never have. Can anyone relate to this?

[CityGirl72]

If you don't have kids (not that anyone should stay in a relationship just because of kids)

But if you don't have kids - I would have bailed A LONG time ago. THis guy sounds absolutely immature - how old is he? Has he ever had to live on his own?

There are so many other wonderful men out there - you are wasting your life away on a loser, just cuz he sometimes makes you laugh

[lionking]

asking a question point blank like that is something you need to decide for yourself,people here at the forum have no right to decide your future.Your asking more than for advice,your asking something major in your life from people who don't know you in your everyday life.

ok edit* if he is hitting you,that's so wrong

[drjones96]

Hasn't had a job in 3 years.

Hits and pushes.

His high points are he's funny, does some house work and takes care of the dogs.

Seems to me this is a relationship of excess. There are 1 too many people in that house and you have 1 too many jobs.

[ellie]

I enjoy reading the title of someone's post and then deciding what the answer will be, before I read the text of the post.

Usually, if they have to ask, then the answer is YES.

Can I relate to your problem? yes. I was stuck with an incredibly sorry man, once upon a time. And despite the fact that I have pretty good sense, it was hard to leave. You get attached. Women stick with men for the strangest reasons. I don't know why we get stuck, but we do.

You're stuck. You need figure out a way to convince yourself to cut ties with this fellow who is draining away your precious life and energy. Enlist everyone you know to help you get out as painlessly as possible.

Yes.

[dynimagelv]

Sayonarra......kick him to the curb.....don't look back.....hasta la vista baby....

[yankeegirl313]

It doesn`t like he wants to change for the better, so I would advise trying to talk to him about it, but I seriously don`t think that it would do any good.
He has it made. I`m glad that you have finally had enough, and can plainly see that your marriage is one sided. That isn`t going to work!
Don`t feel pity for him, if you decide to get a divorce. I mean, he obviously doesn`t pity you for having to work two jobs, and bum money from the parents.
He is hitting you? *Theres your sign!* Tell him to get a job or hit the road!

[Smckown]

Originally Posted by lionking

asking a question point blank like that is something you need to decide for yourself,people here at the forum have no right to decide your future.Your asking more than for advice,your asking something major in your life from people who don't know you in your everyday life.

I agree...no one should tell you what to do especially something like this. not even a therapist will do that. Have you communicated any of this to him? You havent mentioned that you've expressed your feelings.

[drjones96]

Originally Posted by yankeegirl313

....Tell him to get a job or hit the road!

Nah. Just tell him to hit the road. Any man that would hit a woman is no man.

[leavingcali]

I'm sorry, I can't relate to your situation; however, I am married. Here is my rule of thumb when it comes to divore. If a spouse committs one of the three A's, in my opinion, they have broken the marriage vows and the marriage would be over: ABUSE (this is your situation, so get out now--don't worry about what he will do to himself or if he can handle it. He obviously isn't concerned about you, or he wouldn't abuse you), Adultery, Addiction (now, this last one is a bit if-y for me. I would first try to get my husband help if he were an addict, and if after trying everything, if there wasn't improvement and/or if he failed to acknowledge and work on the problem, then I would leave).

What concerns me most about your post is that you nonchalantly mention the abuse. Him hitting you, pushing you, or trying to intimidate you in any way is absolutely intolerable. He doesn't have the right to do that to you. You have the right to pursue a healthy, happy life free of abuse. Secretly get out of the house, stay with someone you trust, and start divorce proceedings immediately. Take a picture of your bruised knee and file a police report.

My thoughts and prayers are with you. You can do this, and you will be much happier as a result.