How to get over a broken heart.. (dating, woman, love)

[Britgirl99]

Ok how..?

It's been over a month..I am a sensible woman..but I just can't seem to shake off the notion that I'm never going to meet anyone 'better' than him..

Friends say - keep busy - I am..but it is not working..

This really isn't like me and I don't know what to do about it.

I am afraid it was one of those situations of not knowing a good thing until you've lost it - but well and truly lost it you have..we used to work together and he has moved on to a new job. We live in a big city and so are unlikely to just run in to each other..and perhaps, that is a good thing..we were on off together for about eighteen months..

I haven't contacted him - I just have to move on..but how to get rid of this gnawing sense of loss? Ugh...

[miu]

Who did the breaking up? You or him? And how long were you a couple? It seems to me that the one that got dumped usually takes longer to recover. And a month is not a very long time to get over a broken heart, especially if you dating for less than 3 years. When a relationship is short, then the tendency is to be very focused on your ex's good qualities and less so on any of his shortcomings... like his snoring, his messiness or bossiness. Try to focus on his imperfections and don't think about his good points. And no one is perfect! Did you ever meet his parents or grandparents? Try to imagine your ex as old, wrinkled, balding and overweight, and how lucky you are not to be growing old with him. lol

[Britgirl99]

Originally Posted by miu

Who did the breaking up? You or him? And how long were you a couple? It seems to me that the one that got dumped usually takes longer to recover. And a month is not a very long time to get over a broken heart, especially if you dating for less than 3 years. When a relationship is short, then the tendency is to be very focused on your ex's good qualities and less so on any of his shortcomings... like his snoring, his messiness or bossiness. Try to focus on his imperfections and don't think about his good points. And no one is perfect.

Oh it was complicated..at first I was very clear that I didn't want to get involved in anything 'big'..I had come out of a long term relationship and I was in a bit of a mess..so he backed off and then he..well he was just so romantic and sweet that he sort of bowled me over. It feels like he 'made' me fall in love with (I think he is one of these people who are addicted to falling in love..) anyway, it continued to be complicated. I found out that he had lied about something early on.

But, I suppose, I treated it in a casual way because I knew it was there..

I think he just got fed up and he ended it..but sadly it seemed to me..but he was pretty definite..he was quite hurtful and we had a terrible row.

Ugh - and I am trying so hard - but for all his bad points - I know that he is also incredibly special and less than ten miles away - but it feels like I'm going through some wretched grieving process..
But I have to move on..I know this - but getting on with it is harder than I expected (any similiar stories to cheer me up?..sorry..)
Thankyou for replying That is good advice.

[fresnochick]

Oh, honey, i feel for you.

I know exactly what you're feeling, i have been there. It's the worst feeling in the world, it's like you can't breath........i call it the i can't live withought you feeling, worst feeling in the world.

i was in a situation where i put up with alot of bs from someone, because i was so afraid of loosing him, in my situation, this person always made me believe that he would have no problem walking away from me and not look back. Every time we got in a fight, i'd be the one calling and giving in, mostly because of that feeling that you have right now, i just was not strong enough, i just couldnt do it.

Until one day i had enough, by that time i knew i had done everything possible to make this relationship work, and as much as i knew how bad it was going to hurt, i had reached my limit and i was done.

At that point, he realised what he had just lost, and did everything possible to get me back.

is there a chance of reconcilling with this guy, or is it over for good?

But, yes, unfortunately, people sometimes don't know what they've got until it's gone.

Don't know what to tell you, cus i know that feeling, and i don't think there's anything that anyone can tell you that will make it go away.

Stay strong and take it one day at a time.
good luck to you.

[artsyguy]

my ideas are the best

hang out with family.
do a lot of volunteer work.
make guy friends.
sit around your house and relax all day.
go out dancing.
listen to a self help audio book or stand up comedy.
attend a friendly church. (not one of those psycho cult ones) I heard cults are pretty big these days. So don't be suckered in.
go to your favorite mall
talk to your ex as a friend. Unless he is a real selfish jerk.

[Huckleberry3911948]

for a woman 60 days, for a guy 3 years.
take the pain, its natures way of teaching not to do it again.

[Cleomayline]

You have to go through the mourning process as horrible as it is and believe when others tell you that time really does heal (no cliche) and that you have a full new life ahead with new adventures, thoughts of which at the moment give you no pleasure. But just wait it out.

[artsyguy]

ya it took me nearly a YEAR to get over being burned.

Originally Posted by Cleomayline

You have to go through the mourning process as horrible as it is and believe when others tell you that time really does heal (no cliche) and that you have a full new life ahead with new adventures, thoughts of which at the moment give you no pleasure. But just wait it out.

[buildings_and_bridges]

It sounds to me like you're being hard on yourself. If you have real feelings for a person, I think it takes longer than a month. Don't be annoyed with yourself if you're having a difficult time moving on after just a month.

My advice? (take it with a grain of salt) I like to write about it...get it all out there in a journal. That's cathartic for me. And I sing about it, too. I'll get together a mix of songs that seem applicable to the relationship/situation and belt them out (by myself, lol). But I don't let myself do it too much. I try to decide what's enough of that without going over the line, and then I hang out with family and/or friends and involve myself in their stories and what's going on in their lives. And shopping. Shopping helps me a lot, even if I don't spend much money but spend a lot of time ogling things for fun. So, that's just what helps me.

Take care of yourself...I know it can really suck.

[Britgirl99]

Oh thankyou so much for replying with such heartfelt and good advice. I am surprised I wrote this..I think it is a measure of how wretched I feel...

It is a very odd state of being isn't it..you have lost someone and they have hurt you and yet you expect to be able to function as normal..I don't think it is discusssed enough..these days it is something that most people are going to have to deal with - perhaps repeatedly and it is really unpleasant..

I haven't felt like this for a very long time and it has taken me by real surprise.

Thankyou Fresnochick - I hope you are feeling a little better now..

It's the one time I wish I was a poet - I don't know half the time - how to express how I feel..

Huckleberry - is that true? That sounds good! Only a month to go I hope..!