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Ah... well I hope that not only does she loves her husband, but that she is fond of him as a person and as her friend. That should his sexuality swing back to homosexuality, that she'll still be his supportive friend and not angry and bitter at him for letting her down.
I have no worries about my husband swinging back to homosexuality. I didn't even come here to talk about that--it just got mentioned in passing, which was a mistake on my part, because that is something about his PAST! And NO, if my husband ever cheated on me with ANYONE, man or woman, that would be the end of us. Would you not be angry and bitter if your boyfriend or husband cheated on you? Why would you expect someone else to be a "supportive friend" of such cheating?
I think you need to read your scriptures more carefully--this is one thing the Bible is VERY clear on. "..a man does not lay with a man as he would with a woman." Yes, Jesus does love all of us gay or straight, but he considers acting on homosexual urges a sin and the wages of sin are death. I'm not trying to sound bigoted, but that is what the Bible teaches and my husband VERY much wants to go to heaven. He has been very faithful about attending church for well over 20 years. He was so very unhappy because he hated himself and his life for being gay. All he ever wanted was to change and live the straight lifestyle and he is so grateful I gave him the opportunity to do that.
This particular quote comes from the book of Leviticus (18:22.) Another often spouted quote from fundamentalists is this quote: "If a man lie with a male as he lies with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination. They shall surely be put to death. Their blood shall be upon them." (Leviticus 20:13). Both of the above quotes are taken literally by fundamentalists.
Also in the book of Leviticus is this quote:
"For everyone who curses his father or his mother shall surely be put to death. He has cursed his father or his mother. His blood shall be upon him."
(Leviticus 20:9) Does this mean we should actually kill every child who has disrespected their parent? Notice how close this verse is to the second homophobic verse quoted above - only 3 verses prior to this verse that fundamentalists obviously do not take literally. Why are fundamentalists allowed to pick and choose which verses they are supposed to take literally and which they can just throw out and not heed to the letter of the verse?
A few other Leviticus verses:
"Your male and female slaves are to come from the nations around you; from them you may buy slaves. You may also buy some of the temporary residents living among you and members of their clans born in your country, and they will become your property." (Leviticus 25:44-45) So, I guess this means it's ok to own slaves?
"If a man lies with a woman during her sickness and uncovers her nakedness, he has discovered her flow, and she has uncovered the flow of her blood. Both of them shall be cut off from her people." (Leviticus 20:18) Oops. Guess hubby and I will be deported .
"Do not cut the hair at the sides of your head or clip off the edges of your beard." (Leviticus 19:27) Gotta go throw away all the razors -- they're sinful!
"...and the swine, though it divides the hoof, having cloven hooves, yet does not chew the cud, is unclean to you." (Leviticus 11:7) I've been eating unclean pork meat for most of my life. I'm not going to heaven I guess.
"...do not plant your field with two kinds of seed. Do not wear material woven of two kinds of material." (Leviticus 19:19) Those farmers who plant more than one kind of seed are in big trouble (even though it's far more ecologically prudent to plant something other than a monocrop!!! In addition, I gotta go get rid of any clothes that might have some polyester in them.
"But all in the seas or in the rivers that do not have fins and scales, all that move in the water or any living thing which is in the water, they are an abomination to you." (Leviticus 11:10) I guess this means no more shrimp or lobster for me since that's sinful as well . In fact, just like a man lying with a man, it's an abomination. Certain birds and insects are also abominations.
So my final comment is a rhetorical question: why do anti-gay, homophobic religious fundamentalists embrace with enthusiasm SOME verses from Leviticus, but throw others out? It just makes no sense. If the bible says that a man should not lie with a man, then that same person should eat no shellfish or pork, wear only 100% cotton (or other material) clothes, never have sex during a woman's period or risk deportation (to where?,) be killed if s/he dares to disrespect a parent, own slaves, or shave a beard and cut the sides of the hair. I'm not seeing too many fundamentalist Christians who follow all of these 'rules' from Leviticus. In fact, I know of NO-ONE who follows all the rules. Are they all going to hell?
Sorry for this diatribe. I'm just an agnostic/atheist gay-supportive person who is sick and tired of the Christian fundamentalist BS that is spouted by so-called compassionate people. Being compassionate, the husband who is the subject of this thread should be allowed to freely and happily embrace who he REALLY is. His friend who he 'dumped' was trying to get him to understand that pretending to be straight if he is not is not healthy for him and definitely not healthy for his wife, the OP. Obviously, if he still fantasizes about being with men, he has not turned from gay to straight. He has only does this because he feels pressure from his hypocritical church (hypocritical because of the not following ALL of the bible verses equally) and from his wife.
If I have offended any people from non-fundamentalist religious groups, I sincerely apologize. Despite my lack of religious belief, I personally try to respect respectful religions. I do not consider any religion that persecutes gays (or any other group) to be a respectful religion. Just my honest opinion.
I did not read this entire thread. Most people who seek approval know what to say. Even better if you can throw the Lord into the mix. I think he loves you and wants to do right by you. That being said, he might also have some strong urges to be with the same sex. It seems like if he found a man who wanted monogomy, he might persue a relationship. We've heard this complaint from other married men who "once" were gay.
This particular quote comes from the book of Leviticus (18:22.) Another often spouted quote from fundamentalists is this quote: "If a man lie with a male as he lies with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination. They shall surely be put to death. Their blood shall be upon them." (Leviticus 20:13). Both of the above quotes are taken literally by fundamentalists.
Also in the book of Leviticus is this quote:
"For everyone who curses his father or his mother shall surely be put to death. He has cursed his father or his mother. His blood shall be upon him."
(Leviticus 20:9) Does this mean we should actually kill every child who has disrespected their parent? Notice how close this verse is to the second homophobic verse quoted above - only 3 verses prior to this verse that fundamentalists obviously do not take literally. Why are fundamentalists allowed to pick and choose which verses they are supposed to take literally and which they can just throw out and not heed to the letter of the verse?
A few other Leviticus verses:
"Your male and female slaves are to come from the nations around you; from them you may buy slaves. You may also buy some of the temporary residents living among you and members of their clans born in your country, and they will become your property." (Leviticus 25:44-45) So, I guess this means it's ok to own slaves?
"If a man lies with a woman during her sickness and uncovers her nakedness, he has discovered her flow, and she has uncovered the flow of her blood. Both of them shall be cut off from her people." (Leviticus 20:18) Oops. Guess hubby and I will be deported .
"Do not cut the hair at the sides of your head or clip off the edges of your beard." (Leviticus 19:27) Gotta go throw away all the razors -- they're sinful!
"...and the swine, though it divides the hoof, having cloven hooves, yet does not chew the cud, is unclean to you." (Leviticus 11:7) I've been eating unclean pork meat for most of my life. I'm not going to heaven I guess.
"...do not plant your field with two kinds of seed. Do not wear material woven of two kinds of material." (Leviticus 19:19) Those farmers who plant more than one kind of seed are in big trouble (even though it's far more ecologically prudent to plant something other than a monocrop!!! In addition, I gotta go get rid of any clothes that might have some polyester in them.
"But all in the seas or in the rivers that do not have fins and scales, all that move in the water or any living thing which is in the water, they are an abomination to you." (Leviticus 11:10) I guess this means no more shrimp or lobster for me since that's sinful as well . In fact, just like a man lying with a man, it's an abomination. Certain birds and insects are also abominations.
So my final comment is a rhetorical question: why do anti-gay, homophobic religious fundamentalists embrace with enthusiasm SOME verses from Leviticus, but throw others out? It just makes no sense. If the bible says that a man should not lie with a man, then that same person should eat no shellfish or pork, wear only 100% cotton (or other material) clothes, never have sex during a woman's period or risk deportation (to where?,) be killed if s/he dares to disrespect a parent, own slaves, or shave a beard and cut the sides of the hair. I'm not seeing too many fundamentalist Christians who follow all of these 'rules' from Leviticus. In fact, I know of NO-ONE who follows all the rules. Are they all going to hell?
Sorry for this diatribe. I'm just an agnostic/atheist gay-supportive person who is sick and tired of the Christian fundamentalist BS that is spouted by so-called compassionate people. Being compassionate, the husband who is the subject of this thread should be allowed to freely and happily embrace who he REALLY is. His friend who he 'dumped' was trying to get him to understand that pretending to be straight if he is not is not healthy for him and definitely not healthy for his wife, the OP. Obviously, if he still fantasizes about being with men, he has not turned from gay to straight. He has only does this because he feels pressure from his hypocritical church (hypocritical because of the not following ALL of the bible verses equally) and from his wife.
If I have offended any people from non-fundamentalist religious groups, I sincerely apologize. Despite my lack of religious belief, I personally try to respect respectful religions. I do not consider any religion that persecutes gays (or any other group) to be a respectful religion. Just my honest opinion.
These are some good arguments; however, these are from the Old Testament and are no longer actually practiced by most Christian churches. However, the act of practicing is STILL an abomination according to the New Testament. I can't quote the exact scripture. I went through a long period prior to meeting my husband that I did not attend church, so I'm not as familiar with the Bible as many.
I did not read this entire thread. Most people who seek approval know what to say. Even better if you can throw the Lord into the mix. I think he loves you and wants to do right by you. That being said, he might also have some strong urges to be with the same sex. It seems like if he found a man who wanted monogomy, he might persue a relationship. We've heard this complaint from other married men who "once" were gay.
While he may have "urges to be with the same sex," I know he would NEVER act upon them. His salvation is more important to him than satisfying some lustful, worldly urge that would not result in long-term happiness. He does not want to go back to the lonely and cruel world of a practicing gay man.
And while some may believe that one is "born gay" (which may very well be in some cases) my husband is likely gay because he was sexually abused by his brother when he was a pre-teen. When their mother would be working, the two of them were home alone together and would often have sex. We have been married 5 wonderful years and while we may have our struggles like all other married couples, we are overall very happy. And we are both in our fifties--a world-rocking sex life is not as important to us as it is to someone in their twenties. Our marriage is based on friendship and REAL love--and that is far more important than having the sex life that the twenty-somethings expect from their relationships.
Please, get therapy. You need it. I'm a big girl and I'd NEVER need to essentially pay off a gay man in order to feel love. Nor should you blame the fact that you didn't get out of an abusive relationship sooner on your weight. Abusive people find insecure people to put up with it. It seems like you've found the same scenario with your husband, just the other way around.
And yes, this fat chick would do EVERYTHING HUMANLY POSSIBLE to get a gay friend away from ANY woman- thin or overweight- who obviously had so little respect for herself or her partner. This is not a healthy relationship for either of you.
Do you think everyone who doesn't agree with you needs therapy??? I am NOT paying him off to be with me. When we first move to the current town that we live in, I was unable to find employment for a few months (they want the young, well-built ladies, ya know). He supported us and stayed with me during that time, so that proves he is not in it for the money. Who are you to judge whether this is a healthy relationship? All men who have homosexuality in their pasts are not the same. My husband has NEVER wanted to be gay and fought it all his life. I know he loves me with all of his heart and is very happy in our marriage. He would do ANYTHING to make me happy and proves it every day in little ways.
If you don't mind my asking, why did you divorce? Are you no longer a Christian in order to pursue the homosexual lifestyle? Not judging you--just asking an honest question. And you're right--you DON'T know me or my husband. He is fully committed to me and to his salvation. He HATED being gay, was never treated like a member of any community because (his exact words) there IS NO gay communty. His personal experience with gay men was everyone out for his own pleasure and none of them were interested in a loving, lasting relationship. It was just use each other for sex and then dump him. What we have together is so special. Even though our sex life has it's problems (like everybody else's), he still tells me how happy he is with me and how I've changed his life and how he was so unhappy and felt like nothing before he met me.
Could it be because people were VERY judgemental about his sexual preference and couldn't accept one could be Christian AND gay?
His personal experience with gay men was everyone out for his own pleasure and none of them were interested in a loving, lasting relationship. It was just use each other for sex and then dump him.
Well you find this in both heterosexual and homosexual encounters. It isn't about being gay, but having sex without committment.
What we have together is so special. Even though our sex life has it's problems (like everybody else's), he still tells me how happy he is with me and how I've changed his life and how he was so unhappy and felt like nothing before he met me.[/quote]
I am sorry, but you cannot pray the gay away. Your relationship may be special but you are married to a homosexual or at the very least bisexual man. You sound very young OR very inexperienced OR very able to ignore the big elephant in the room.
Good luck. You aren't doing yourself any favors by cutting out the one person from his life that he CAN open up to (BFF). You don't sound like you truly understand sexual perference and his BFF did. I have known many gay men that were married at one point because they denied who they were. After a time they realized that no matter how hard they tried, they were gay and unfortunately, had to tell the wife and kids.
And you DO NOT KNOW ME! I am not childish or possessive. Obviously you have not had to struggle with the self image issues that I've had to deal with. Society is HORRIBLE to fat people and how do you think I felt when that skinny B##$h wanted so much attention from my husband???
You are obviously not a Christian--if you were, you would believe that God can cure all things, homosexuality included, if we trust and have faith in Him.
Did God cure your low self esteem or weight issues since you claim HE can cure everything? I am sorry, but you sound so UNChristian with your descriptions of the BFF (and husbands apparent sexual preference). How can you be Christian and then be so happy about running off someone that sounds like they REALLY cared for your husband even though she had a different view of him? Were you threatened that she was going to take him away from you since she was a skinny B##$h as you described? That is not very Christian of you. It is no wonder he is staying with you and denouncing his homosexuality. His lot in life improved by being with you (better car, clothes, apt). This stuff may matter for now, but his true feelings for men is eventually going to come up again.
Could it be because people were VERY judgemental about his sexual preference and couldn't accept one could be Christian AND gay?
His personal experience with gay men was everyone out for his own pleasure and none of them were interested in a loving, lasting relationship. It was just use each other for sex and then dump him.
Well you find this in both heterosexual and homosexual encounters. It isn't about being gay, but having sex without committment.
What we have together is so special. Even though our sex life has it's problems (like everybody else's), he still tells me how happy he is with me and how I've changed his life and how he was so unhappy and felt like nothing before he met me.
I am sorry, but you cannot pray the gay away. Your relationship may be special but you are married to a homosexual or at the very least bisexual man. You sound very young OR very inexperienced OR very able to ignore the big elephant in the room.
Good luck. You aren't doing yourself any favors by cutting out the one person from his life that he CAN open up to (BFF). You don't sound like you truly understand sexual perference and his BFF did. I have known many gay men that were married at one point because they denied who they were. After a time they realized that no matter how hard they tried, they were gay and unfortunately, had to tell the wife and kids.[/quote/ He has never had any problem with the people in our church being judgemental. They were always loving and accepting of him, and they DID know about his homosexuality. They were the only ones he could really talk to about it. He kind of would use the church as his own unlicensed counseling center. While the church does not condone homosexuality, they knew that he had no intention of acting on his urges, so he was loved and accepted by them. He says they really helped him turn his life around so that he can enjoy the happiness he has today. And, yes, we do believe that with prayer and faith that his homosexuality can be overcome. All things are possible through God. I was not the one who cut out the "one person in his life he could talk to." He chose to cut her out because she did not have his best interests at heart. He is very happy in his marriage, which she is well aware of, but she had the nerve to tell him that he needs to quit living this lie and accept himself for who he is. HE DIDN'T EVEN ASK FOR HER OPINION!!!! What is it to her anyway? It has been very clear to me for a long time that this woman is trying to give my husband doubts about the solidity of his marriage so that she can break us up and go after him herself. She had 20 years to go after him BEFORE we met, but she wasn't interested. But now that he's found someone, she wants him for herself. AND SHE'S MARRIED!
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