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It is hard to make friends in a place where everyone is busy; working a lot of hours, commuting, etc. You might enjoy relocating somewhere where with a slower pace?? Where you and the people you are surrounded by have more time. Maybe you are ready to move on to somewhere new?
I'm not sure what type of place this would be (besides, we're big city folk. I think we'd be bored in a small town).
These days, it seems that everyone is crazy busy. I'm not--but it seems that everyone else is. If they're single 20 or 30-something gals, they're working, dating and are crazy busy trying to find a partner. If they're married, they're spending every last minute with their spouse and have no time on the weekends to spend with a friend. If they're a mom, they're crazy busy with their kids. Since my husband works 80 hours a week, I have plenty of time to spend with a new friend. But unfortunately I haven't found any friends that have time for me.
You need to find people with common interests. Go to a dog park, join a meetup group in DC for some activity you like. Have kids. Most of our close friends we've met after having kids, you'd be amazed how people can commiserate together that way.
You need to find people with common interests. Go to a dog park, join a meetup group in DC for some activity you like. Have kids. Most of our close friends we've met after having kids, you'd be amazed how people can commiserate together that way.
Despite my user name I don't have a dog! I just love them and can't wait to get one (but our landlord doesn't allow them).
I have joined many meetup.com groups here in DC. They are great, and I enjoy the activities, but in my experience they're not the greatest groups for making friends (different people at every activity, it seems. Also, mostly singles. Most single gals aren't interested in wasting their time talking to me when they could be chatting up some guy at these events).
And I'm nowhere near ready for kids. Maybe in a couple of years.
It sounds to me like there's nothing wrong with you or your husband. You are doing all of the right things-inviting friends over, volunteering, joining church groups. You are at a transition time of your life where a lot of people are either looking for mates or having kids. You don't fall into either category so it's hard to make close friends. My good friend is married and she and her husband knew right away they never wanted children (which I think is great-why have them just because other people are!). They have a great marriage, great careers, travel quite a bit, but I do sense a loneliness with her, too, because the rest of us are busy juggling raising young children, working, tending to a house, time with hubbie, etc. One thing my friend does (which is very thoughtful of her) is she'll plan a party and invite our kids so we hang out while the kids play. It's very kind of her because she doesn't like kids. I try to make adult only plans with her, too, but sometimes it's easier to visit with the kids. Do you enjoy hanging out with people who have children? My friend also found that she related better to people who were married even if they had kids than the people looking to meet guys. She was past that bar scene phase. Also, if you get a dog, you can meet people at the park.
I think you will make friends once you pass through this transitional time in your life. I do agree that maybe D.C. isn't the best place to live if everyone is just so busy working and trying to get ahead. What if you considered moving to a mid-sized city?
1. Get another cat as soon as possible - this sometimes seems difficult, because people say "it won't be the same". No, it won't be - and thank goodness for that!
2. Get out of DC - it sounds a lot like Wilkes-Barre, PA.
3. Learn to see your hubby as your friend. And he you. Sometimes in the hustle and bustle of making a living, we forget that our spouses are supposed to be our best friends. Re-discover that relationship, and you'll scarcely notice the lack of outside friends. Of course, if you're SUCH a social creature that that doesn't work, then I'mn sorry but I don't know what else to suggest.
I think you will make friends once you pass through this transitional time in your life. I do agree that maybe D.C. isn't the best place to live if everyone is just so busy working and trying to get ahead. What if you considered moving to a mid-sized city?
I don't necessarily think it's DC--most women I meet don't have high-powered careers--they're just doing the 40 hour a week, full-time job thing which doesn't leave that much spare time for friends no matter what your relationship status. So I don't think things would be different anywhere else.
But we are looking to move (because we want to buy a house and it's too expensive here). So we are looking into medium-sized cities. But we would like to stay on the East Coast (we love it here). We moved from the midwest and we had the same situation there so it's not an East Coast thing.
It's just a matter of most people we meet are just too crazy busy. That, and people these days don't think about others. For instance, when my husband started his job, no one rolled out the welcome mat, despite the fact that they all knew he just moved here and knew no one. No one asked him out to lunch, no one invited us over.
If a new person was at my job and just moved here and didn't know anyone, I would ask them out for lunch or coffee just to be friendly--why not? It's just a friendly thing to do.
1. Get another cat as soon as possible - this sometimes seems difficult, because people say "it won't be the same". No, it won't be - and thank goodness for that!
2. Get out of DC - it sounds a lot like Wilkes-Barre, PA.
3. Learn to see your hubby as your friend. And he you. Sometimes in the hustle and bustle of making a living, we forget that our spouses are supposed to be our best friends. Re-discover that relationship, and you'll scarcely notice the lack of outside friends. Of course, if you're SUCH a social creature that that doesn't work, then I'mn sorry but I don't know what else to suggest.
Yes, we have found a new kitten and will be getting him soon. Looking forward to the new kitten helps ease some of the sadness and lonliness. We look forward to providing the new kitten with a loving home.
We most likely will be getting out of DC, though we love it here. We'd stay here permanently if we could only find an affordable single family house that's not a horrible commute.
My hubby is definitely my best friend. We very much value each other's friendship, and really he is all I need, because he satisfies every part of me--intellectually, emotionally, etc. We have many interests we share and love to spend time together. The problem is that he works 80 hours a week. So he's not around as much as I'd like. What ends up happening is that I go out by myself a lot. I don't mind that, but I'd rather be spending time with him. But he has a demanding job, and there's no way around that. So that's why I need friends and seek a sense of community--to fill up the void of his working so many hours.
Totally agree. You seem intelligent and interested in self improvement. DC doesn't sound like a friendly environment for you at all. I would move. Do research into different cities. Also try a smaller city but research into it before you move. I hear Denver is nice.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marlow
After reading many of your posts about being lonely and not making friends in D.C., I think that D.C. just isn't the right place for you. If you've had friends and social lives in other places you've lived, then maybe you should think about moving somewhere else. If it's been this way for you everywhere you've lived I'm not sure what to tell you.
But we are looking to move (because we want to buy a house and it's too expensive here). So we are looking into medium-sized cities. But we would like to stay on the East Coast (we love it here). We moved from the midwest and we had the same situation there so it's not an East Coast thing.
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Hey doglover29 - come on over to Philadelphia and we'll have dinner! We just moved here and love it so far.
We're working hard to meet people too - it's not easy when you move somewhere new!
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