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I totally relate to a new area and not being able to really forge new friendships. It seems, the older we get, the harder to do. We have attended functions and things, but have not been able to create new bonds with people as a couple. I am in the process of trying to find something that works for me in Seattle, job or volunteering or something to give me some roots here. My husband has lived here for years and certainly doesn't share my problem, but is empathetic to the fact that I feel so alone. Sometimes I feel envious that I don't have the history here to have that social network that he does. Although, strangely enough, after we got married 3 yrs ago, his friends have been pretty much absent from his life and mine. What's up with that?!! I wish you the best of luck in finding something that works for you both and brings you joy and helps to round out your lives! We'll work on the same! Cheers!
I honestly believe that when you stop thinking about yourself and start reaching out to others, to help them, to be a friend to them - all of a sudden - you find friends.
Losing a pet is so hard. In time maybe you can give a home to some stray cat, or get a kitten.
Remember, there are so many lonely peole around. Everyone puts on this happy or confident face - but underneath it all they may not be happy or confident at all.
Humans are social creatures - so no wonder you are feeling sad if you are isolated. Keep getting out there, but look outwards, think about how the other person is feeling rather than yourself. When you give you receive. Be a friend and you will find friends. Wish you well.
I think you and your DH really need a baby. Your sadness at your cat's passing and your desire to add to your home indicate you need more than a cat. JMO
Okay, I went back and read some of your posts, and (I hope you won't mind my saying this), but I think you need to start counselling. You seem to have a lot of fear in your life, anxiety, and it sounds like you and your husband are in a tug-of-war about having kids now. I think you need to get some help and emotional support before your marriage goes up in flames. If this is more advice than you wanted, I'm sorry. No offense intended.
Sweet mother of God. I am a blissfully childfree person and nobody NEEDS a baby to act as an emotional band-aid. The only people who should have children are those who really, really, REALLY want them and have the financial and emotional means to care for them properly. Sadly, TOO many people have a child because of endless external pressures of society to FIT IN. UGH.
My dh and I are very happy WITHOUT a child and so are about 17 percent of the adult population in this country. Please do NOT imply that all of the OPs problems would evaporate by breeding. Nothing, NOTHING could be farther from reality.
We had the same problem when we moved to NJ. It was strange; people seemed to already have their clicks and didn't want any new friends. It was truly depressing; as hubby and I love to throw parties and go out alot!!
The thing that made it easier was having kids believe it or not. You have a common thread and realize how much easier it is to make friends. Many of our new friends had the same issue. We all found a great way to make friends was through the NewComers Club. See if there was something similar in your area; it's a great place to meet people!!
I am so sorry about your loss. I lost my dog several years ago and I still think about her quite a bit. They really are a big part of the family. One thing is for sure, right now must be an extremely emotional time for you. I can certainly understand the sense of sadness in general.
I can empathize completely with your social isolation. I think that single women, especially in their 20s and 30s will socialize with a married woman on a regular basis if it is an old friendship. Otherwise, like you said, they are more likely to spend their time dating or with other single women whom they share more in common with.
I have also found that as I get older it is harder to make friends because everyone is so busy. Their lives usually revolve around their families and that can take up so much of a person's time. I think it can be easier to make time for old friends than put the time and effort into a new friendship. I think that is a lazy frame of mind but one that is probably common. If only people knew what they were missing out on
We relocated about 1000 miles last year. We had no family or friends here in GA when we moved. I really haven't connected with any of my neighbors in spite of that fact that it is a sub-division. Everyone stays to themselves. The only friends that we have made are through our children and church. I have seen churches where the social groups are geared more towards singles. This is not the case in our church, they have groups for singles, parents, young families, seniors, couples who haven't started a family yet, etc. You get the picture. Not to mention the people in the south are so incredibly friendly. They reached out to us, not the other way around. I would seriously consider looking at other churches in your area.
I'm a full time student and most of the other students are 10 to 20 years younger than me. I can empathize with feeling like you have little in common. My husband hasn't really hit it off with anyone at work, then again men really don't seem to be the stronger gender when it comes to socialization.
I would highly recommend looking at GA if you are open to new locations when you move. The city of Atlanta as well as Atlanta metro has so much to offer. I don't know too much about the other major cities in GA.
Volunteering is another great way to meet people who share common interests. I know the local animal groups where I live not only volunteer at the shelter but also at adoption days. This is where they take the pets to a local pet store to get them out there for people to meet them. This would provide you the opportunity to work with the animals you love, give something back to the community, and more importantly meet people with something in common, the love of animals. I know that this particular chain does adoption days on a regular basis across the country. Can't say the name on the forum but you have probably heard about it.
Dance classes? (like ballroom) I understand that this is primarily a couples activity and very social.
Do you like crafts? Major crafts chains offer classes where you are likely to meet some nice people. I personally like scrapbooking and all of the stores that sell supplies offer classes. I have found this to be a great way to meet people and I will sometimes bring my kids, they have made friends there too Major home stores offer "how to" classes, you might have some laughs while learning how to tile and meet some others doing the same. Hey, it may be a long shot but it's an idea.
They say that friendships are extremely important to our good health. I can understand your need and I wish you all of the best meeting some new people. If you're ever in Atlanta send me a message, I'll show you around
Last edited by cool_mommy; 06-01-2008 at 04:52 PM..
I have also found that as I get older it is harder to make friends because everyone is so busy. Their lives usually revolve around their families and that can take up so much of a person's time. I think it can be easier to make time for old friends than put the time and effort into a new friendship. I think that is a lazy frame of mind but one that is probably common. If only people knew what they were missing out on
I completely agree. The problem in my case is that I am definitely nowhere near busy. Since I don't have kids I have lots of free time. And we rent, so there's nothing for me to do in terms of home improvement. And since my hubby works 80 hours per week, I get lonely a lot since he's not around very much. Plus, I hate my job, so that doesn't help.
I do understand that most people are a lot busier than me, and it makes me sad sometimes to realize just how non in-demand I/we are. How often does my phone ring? Maybe once a week.
What's on my calendar? Not a whole lot--no social engagements with others, no weddings to go to. I hear others at work talking about their plans and get a bit sad sometimes. I'd love to be busier and maybe I'm ready to get back into attending social group and club meetings, even though we got frustrated because we'd reach out to people and not get any interest in return. We took about a 6-month break from them (because they were more frustrating than fun) but maybe it's time to start going to those meetings again.
LOL counseling???? That is harsh! A life coach would be a much better fit. She also needs to stick to a club or church that she finds the best fit for her and stay there instead of jumping around. There is no perfect place. Just try that until you can move to a more social town. Get into the modern dance classes not ballroom....
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sundance
I just kind of took it for granted that once I'd edited my post, everyone would know I wasn't advocating she have a child.
She needs counselling.
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My husband hasn't really hit it off with anyone at work, then again men really don't seem to be the stronger gender when it comes to socialization. 
Get into the modern dance classes not ballroom....
