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Well here lately I have been thinking about my life. I am married and not happily I might add. I will be the first to admit that my husband I rushed into everything. We have been married almost 3 years and only dated 4 months before we married. All of the things that I loved about my husband are now getting on my nerves especially his cocky attitude. We disagree on everything including how to take care of our kids. He is very vocal and often screams at me and the kids and the oldest is 22 months. He throws temper tantrums when he doesnt get his way. He doesnt get along with anyone. Everyday he comes home from work griping about someone he doesnt like. He is very selfish and controling. It is very unnerving because he cant make a decision for himself and when i decide and he doesnt like the verdict its a constant argument. He has mood swings. One minute he is laughing and the next he is screaming at me. The stinginess i used to think was being responsible. I used to think him being cocky was sexy. Lately I am not even attracted to him anymore and i cant wait for him to leave for work. Trust me I have been through it with this marriage baby mama drama from his x. What I have to wonder is if I have this big X on my forehead marking me as a human doormat because this is my second marriage and the first one was a real douche bag too. I dont want to get into the specifics when it comes to him but I will tell you this, i married him as a teenager 12 years ago he was 6 years older and just last year he was arrested for his obvious fetish for teenage girls. What makes me a magnet for psychos I dont really know and I dont know if maybe we need some kinda counseling to make this work for the sake of our kids or if i just need to move on while they are still young and wont remember the bad times.
I think that only you can answer that question.
Do you honestly think that counseling will help? If so, tell him how you feel, and both of you go, otherwise, tell him its not going to work...learn from your mistakes, and move on.
Teenage girls?? That would be a hard one to get past, in itself. Let alone all the other crap.
You definitly should start seeing a therapist. Nothing wrong with analysis. So many people do it today it is almost uncommon not to do it.
The thing that you need to look at is the common denominator, YOU.
You married both of these men. As a wise old woman once said to me, "you picked him."
So you have to take responsibility for your actions and your choices or else you are going to keep picking the same dude over and over again.
I can tell you with most certainty that this man will not be up for therapy, so if I were you, I would start on your own and don't even tell him. Then get yourself to a place where you are strong enough to leave him and move forward with your own life alone for a while. A good book to read is Melanie Beatte's "Co-dependent No More." And also look into a program called Alanon.
It is time for you to become a strong woman and to stop relying on men to save you.
What makes me a magnet for psychos I dont really know...
It's not "magnetism," it's bad judgment by you.
Having failed in your first marriage what in the world were you thinking when you rushed into a marriage after only knowing the guy for four months? This was spectacularly bad judgment.
And how is cocky "sexy"? Again, that's bad judgment. Instead of looking for good character -- in particular, decency and kindness to others -- you hook up with a guy who's a jerk. Why would you put a higher priority on meanness than kindness? Again, that's simply bad, bad judgment.
Young children -- babies, really -- have NO BUSINESS being screamed at. I don't see how sticking around that kind of garbage would be good for them This guys sounds like a jerk, but, frankly, I question your judgment and your ability to do the right thing in picking men (let's be honest, your track record isn't great). Do you drink? Smoke? Do drugs? Lead some kind of weirdo/alternative/whack-job lifestyle? Are you responsible? Pay your bills on time? Have an established home? Hold down a steady job? These are all indicators of judgment.
First and foremost, you MUST do right by your children. So, yes, I think counseling (marriage and/or for yourself) would be a good idea. It might be best to leave the jerk and do some long soul searching about why you have made such bad decisions. And for god sakes, don't rush into another relationship. I think a few years being single and stable is a must for you to get your priorities right.
Well, this is your side of the story. I've been around long enough to know there's clearly two sides to every coin and wouldn't it be just neat-o if I were perfect too. Perhaps you driving him to his behaviour.
If you feel so threatened, then get out. Why ***** to us about it all.
However, I do agree with the poster that said for you to do right by the kids.
It also sounds like both sides need serious counseling.
The question shouldn't be, why do psychos come onto you but rather why do you respond to them when they do?
Whether you stay with your dh or not, please look into counseling to figure out why you like the men that you do. Otherwise, you will continue to date these types of guys. Imagine what kind of a life that will be for your children as well as for yourself?
Having failed in your first marriage what in the world were you thinking when you rushed into a marriage after only knowing the guy for four months? This was spectacularly bad judgment.
And how is cocky "sexy"? Again, that's bad judgment. Instead of looking for good character -- in particular, decency and kindness to others -- you hook up with a guy who's a jerk. Why would you put a higher priority on meanness than kindness? Again, that's simply bad, bad judgment.
Young children -- babies, really -- have NO BUSINESS being screamed at. I don't see how sticking around that kind of garbage would be good for them This guys sounds like a jerk, but, frankly, I question your judgment and your ability to do the right thing in picking men (let's be honest, your track record isn't great). Do you drink? Smoke? Do drugs? Lead some kind of weirdo/alternative/whack-job lifestyle? Are you responsible? Pay your bills on time? Have an established home? Hold down a steady job? These are all indicators of judgment.
First and foremost, you MUST do right by your children. So, yes, I think counseling (marriage and/or for yourself) would be a good idea. It might be best to leave the jerk and do some long soul searching about why you have made such bad decisions. And for god sakes, don't rush into another relationship. I think a few years being single and stable is a must for you to get your priorities right.
my first marriage lasted 18 months. i was single and very afraid of commitment for 6 years. i met this guy online and began a pen pal sort of relationship while he was overseas with the army. things didnt work out because of my commitment issues and i got hurt really bad.
I dont drink , smoke, or use any kind of drugs besides insulin. Until I had my daughter i was a nurse and i lived by myself supporting myself with no family for 400 miles.
I agree that there is definately some reason that i am picking these jerks, i dont know for sure, i have had a few good men and always seemed to screw things up, god knows why.
In general most of my friends have all been men and i dont really trust men as far as a relationship type of trust.
my first marriage lasted 18 months. i was single and very afraid of commitment for 6 years. i met this guy online and began a pen pal sort of relationship while he was overseas with the army. things didnt work out because of my commitment issues and i got hurt really bad.
I dont drink , smoke, or use any kind of drugs besides insulin. Until I had my daughter i was a nurse and i lived by myself supporting myself with no family for 400 miles.
I agree that there is definately some reason that i am picking these jerks, i dont know for sure, i have had a few good men and always seemed to screw things up, god knows why.
In general most of my friends have all been men and i dont really trust men as far as a relationship type of trust.
So your first marriage was some kind of long-distance connection thing, and the second came after a 160 day whirlwind - both of these are very risk y mating strategies that pose high probabilities of failure. How 'bout the old fashioned I-met-a-guy-through-a-friend-and-we-dated-for-a-while thing?
How do you "screw things up" with good men? Have they ditched you or vice-versa? Are you unfaithful? Too pushy, controlling, or jealous? What is going through your mind when your with a cocky guy and how does that compare to what you're thinking with a nice guy?
my record breaking time for a gal falling out of love with me is 6 weeks.
went from military high stamina disciplined type physically perfect in every way
to a funny looking old jew leering at her in the shower in just 6 weeks!
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