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OK!! I FOUND YOU ALL!!
YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD GET RID OF ME THAT EASILY BY SWITCHING THREADS - THAT'S NOT HAPPENING!
Sorry I've not posted often (really only a few times) in the past two months. I've had some health problems (non life-threatening), which have kept me down. This should go on for a couple more months, but for the record, I'm getting back into reading the posts, I keep in contact with Robyn regularly, and will post when I can. Many thanks for all the pm's and well-wishes from so many of you. It's remarkable how you've all remained such a wonderful support group.
Robyn, I'm concerned about your health - I'm wondering if you are taking your meds properly and often enough? In light of your health history, have you contacted your drs about how badly you are feeling now? I'm sure some of it may be attributable to the heat, but would you know if your seizure meds aren't working? I'm convinced A&L have nothing, if they don't have you. I also wonder if you and your kids could get into a charity care program for healthcare and/or meds.
I'm surprised you feel you have a trust issue with D coming into your home, when you have already been overnight to his home with your kids. I would have been more-cautious visiting and staying with him...bec truthfully, what do you really know about him, other than what he tells you and that your instincts feel safe with him? Unfortunately, that is not enough today. On the other hand, if he is truly just a friend at this point, it's the perfect person to plan on intermittant visits with D and his kids at your home. Good self-esteem builder for A&L to 'host' their friends. You could have used his help putting in those AC units - I'm thinking that job didn't help you feel any better.
Also, I loved it when your CD friends were listing your attirbutes - as I often tell you, you are a gift. But truth is that in one way (in particular), you are very similar to all of us when we were/are attracted to, or in love with someone - those moments we are not always open to signs and signals of potential issues...we don't want to lose what we feel we have found. It's good to remember that no one is perfect, no matter how good they look to you.
And, although many of us are caretakers, it doesn't mean that we should be helping others deal with their issues (past b-friends)...they need to do that work for themselves, just as you were, and are, being forced to do. The most we can do for anyone else is be an ever-present support for them when they need it. In my field, we often remind ourselves to not be guiding a distressed person to do what we think is best... remembering how non-productive our own advice to ourselves can sometimes be...rather it's more helpful to help someone find optional perspectives and directions in working out a problem.
Come on now, I know you've missed my bossy, opiniated self.
Well, I've missed you all - anyone heard from Dennis lately?
PS, just remember these are just my thoughts, not meant to criticize at all, but sometimes concerned...
I have a summer cold. It brought me way down a few days ago, but i am starting to feel better. I have been taking my medicine as prescribed.
I do not have a trust issue per se. It is not that. I don't know what it is, though. I do trust him, and I trusted him when we went out that way to see him, and whenever I get together with him, and when we went out to eat the other night all 6 of us.
It is something else that doesn't even have to do with him. I think I am afraid of ib. This is what it is feeling like to me. I know the law in Virginia now re separation and dating.
I had a sep agreement that said things about no one of the other sex spending the night at either of our homes when the kids are here... I signed it, but he did not. So, there is nothing signed as far as that goes.
He is very respectful. Has never kissed me infront of the kids, only a hug. This has nothing to do with him. It has everything to do with ib, and me allowing him power and control, and letting fear plague me.
I am working on this, believe me, I am. It all started up when I found out he would be arraigned. Then the other day he started calling and calling and calling.
It was bad towards the end of last week when I thought he would have been served.
This past weekend, I did not think of him at all, except when he called for the kids. The three of us went outside and accepted his call. The kids told him where we were... not at whose house, but the city and state, which is 2 hours from us.
It is not him I am afraid of, I don't trust. it is ib. It is like everything is all coming back or something, replaying in my mind.
But today was a good day, I felt much better, with only a slight cough.. I was not dehydrated or feeling weak, as I was the past few days. Thank God.
I have not received flowers in a million years, but I got some today, delivered to me at work from D. Very pretty. YAY.
Well, actually, my sister sent me flowers after being in the hospital, but I mean from a man.
Roses, lillies, sunflowers, more... very pretty. fragrant.
I know he is not perfect, because no one is... I post here so openly, so I expect you all to do the same. I just don't agree with everyone.
Not this time. ok, time to make dinner and all that fun stuff....
ib called here this evening. The phone rang one time and then he hung up. I have no idea what is up with that. A was on the phone with D. Walking and talking. Talking and walking. Then L talked to him. I got my turn last.
L tells him she doesn't have his number and she wants to call him. But she can't because she doesn't have the number.
I talked with both of his boys today. He played s couple of songs on the guitar and sang them. Nice.
Dinner was chicken breasts, pretty good. I am all out of salt, but I was sure I had about 50 containers of salt, and they are nowhere. We hardly use any salt and there is no salt.
I smell science experiment written all over this.
D was talking to me about had I set up college funds for the kids yet.
Of course my answer is no. I don't have extra money like that. Ok, so he says he will set them up with 300 each, and was talking about some things with stocks or something, I have no idea.
I told him I couldn't do that. he tells me not for you, for your kids. Can call it a belated bday present, then you can put whatever addt'l monies in there you want.
Ok, getting ready for bed here in a few, hope everyone has a good evening!!!
Am I sitting here brainless or something? you tell me. I am a bit bent here... but thats ok.
I'll be back with y'all another time...
My coffee is good, even though I am sick. I am trying to work on this house, last night I was rearranging the furniture, I don't think I like it, so I was going with the haircut theory... 21 days til you get used to a new cut... will see.
Using the Tink cup...
And... Hif.. answer my what, please.
You guys are just killing me. I swear, you are, for the most part, killing me.
I know I started a new thread, but I think I am going to let it lie for a little while. I am not going to take a loa...
I just feel like I have SOME common sense. So, I will talk about things like the weather, lol, as much as I want to talk and blab... and just share and share.
I have no idea why I am like that, anyway. Maybe I shouldn't be. Maybe I should just drink my Tink cup of coffee and go to liek the Maury website or something and read some of his trash.
I don't know. The kids are finally up, L is mad at the cat for meowing.
Ok, one last tidbit. My kids love his family so much. I know L is going to be talking about them this weekend over there.. what are you gonna do? I am not breaking the law, nor are they.
But then again, maybe she won't. She really doesn't like being with them, but then with that thought, she could use it as ammo for how much fun we all have... I don't know... I don't feel worry over it, or fear...
I am going to have to call him today to find out what our arrqangements are going to be as far as meeting or him picking them up and all of that, and I so do not want to call him, or talk to him at all. At all.
Ok, thats it, no more boring Robyn... y'all be good!
I wouldn't worry about the kids talking about being at D's house, was bound to happen sooner or later, and not a bad thing for ib to get used to. I would suggest that you never use LAST names with the kids when they are meeting or visiting new b-friends, so as to not give ib any info that he could use to find out more.
And do you need to speak with him each weekend about where and when you will exchange the kids? Can you just keep it same time and same place? So then you can just tell him when you meet to pick up, "I'll see you same time and same place next time." That way you could cut down on your communication with him.
Good luck in your soon-to-be old office today. TGIF!
Robyn, I know that you think those of us who see D's generosity as a warning sign are off the mark and I worry that you think we don't want you to be happy. Nothing could be further from the truth. But both in my work and among my friends I have seen women go from abusive relationships into the arms of a "rescuer" type of man, only to have him slowly go from rescuing to very controlling. I hope with all my heart that that is not true of D. But it would not surprise me at all if it were true.
The only way you're going to know how this is going to turn out is by taking lots and lots of time to get to know him. How long have you known him? How long have your kids known him? Have any of your friends known him a long time? Do you know anything about his first marriage, other than what he's told you?
I am not criticizing you in any way and I want very much for you to find a fulfilling relationship with a good man. But for now, slow down, take your time, refuse his gifts, date other people. You have time and if he's the one for you, he'll let you do all of those things without pushing you or asking for more. You've come such a very long way. Enjoy who you are and who you are becoming and don't be in a hurry to get in another long-term relationship.
Hi Robyn, I haven't been around much lately, but I've just read some of your newer posts, and Wow! How things have changed!
I just wanted to say, I know this is the latest thread of many, and how strong you have been to open your personal life up to so many. Everyone obviously supports you and wishes you only the best, and I know you have many "mother hens" .
Everyone is going to have a different opinion, and though all have your best interests at heart, you are the only one to walk in your shoes. You have great instincts, and of course being a mother, I'm sure you are always on high alert for your children's sake.
Trust your intuition.
xoxo hollygolightly
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