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Robyn I don't think the behavior is completely to blame on Autism- but I know too well the frustration that those kids face when something doesn't go the way they think it should.
You mentioned conditioning- maybe you need to learn how to condition yourself to deal with L's outbursts and in doing so, you will find the ability to teach her how to deal with frustration in a more constructive way. It's not easy- and it probably never will be. But by you coping better with her, you will be able to lead her to thinking a little bit rather than exploding.
I have a child like that in my home- with her it took daily medication (many different trial and error before it worked) and also about 3 1/2 years of weekly therapy, reading books, talking with other ASD parents and patience. The therapy was not just for her, it was for all of us to learn how to deal with the outbursts. She's been here for five years now and the last two years have show tremendous positive change for her.
This child who used to explode- break pencils over homework frustration, melt down if we made her do something she didn't want to do, tear her skin apart with her fingernails if she was mad, has developed into a very well adjusted young lady that is able to control herself. For a long time I was very concerned for her future- and even wondered if she needed to be institutionalized. Now I believe she can do anything she sets her mind to.
There is no way we could have done that without the help of various resources. It's very difficult to retrain them to use their negative feelings in a constructive way.
I have conditioned myself to well to deal with her outbursts. She has actually come SOOOOOOOOOO far in the last three or four years. Maybe even more. I do not know. What I do know is that she cannot continue like this, neither can he.
They have been doing pretty well since I had the talk with them on Sunday.
She was very disrespectful to some other people yesterday, which is also not acceptable. In her mind, she is the adult, and she can tell people whatever she thinks. A is the same way.
They behave as though I am just here, and they are the adults. Foot is down.
They act like him.
A is seeing so well how he is. ib. It is becoming so clear.
I don't know . I do know that it has got to end. That is what I do know.
Maybe L needs to learn as an adult we chose our words carefully and think beyond the moment. Every action has consequences-good or bad. A person of honor thinks about the effect their words will have before speaking. Words are like arrows-once released there is no calling them back. Perhaps getting her thinking long term is a idea? Have her describe what she would like to project and how she will direct her behavior to that end. Just a thought. Good luck and blessings to your house.
L is with her father since Friday of last week. I do notn think she will be coming back. I posted about it in its own thread earlier today.
She punched another childs head several times and threatened with a knife.
I am being called a terrible mother by him for me having her go with him, but so be it, I suppose.
I have talked with A about court coming up and let know there would be a decision to be made by him. I was not going to try and influence it one way or another.
Where he is going to live. I know ib is going to try and take custody of him, I know that already. A is 14, and will be able to speak in court.
He has told me that he wants to live with me. Again, I tell him it is his decision. I also tell him I will not be living here anymore. He says he loves this town. I let him know he can live with me in not this town, or with his father in not this town.
This past Saturday has made a year since where is the love. Wednesday will mark my 13 year wedding anniversary.
I am gaining more control over my situation, even though it feels like a downward spiral with the happenings of late.
I am gaining control over his ability to try and continue controlling me. He feels it.
This time it is true. Just leaving him wasn't enough. Feeling like I was strong enough wasn't enough.
I am getting there, in due time.
I never wanted to split the kids up. He suggested it, that he take A and I take L. Before I moved out, he suggested it to me, infront of the kids.
I was so very against it. Now, I know that L cannot be with us, due to her behaviors. I do not want A with him. He manipulates and controls him so much. A is coming around so very well now. Gaining self esteem and self respect. Losing the disrespect.
He has to tiptoe around L. We all do. It should not be that way.
We have to give into her way or pay the cost.
Life is changing, in so many different ways with me, with my family.
I will not chronicle the rest of the story, maybe something here and there.
This past Saturday has made a year since where is the love. Wednesday will mark my 13 year wedding anniversary.
I am gaining more control over my situation, even though it feels like a downward spiral with the happenings of late.
I am gaining control over his ability to try and continue controlling me. He feels it.
This time it is true. Just leaving him wasn't enough. Feeling like I was strong enough wasn't enough.
I am getting there, in due time.
I never wanted to split the kids up. He suggested it, that he take A and I take L. Before I moved out, he suggested it to me, infront of the kids.
I was so very against it. Now, I know that L cannot be with us, due to her behaviors. I do not want A with him. He manipulates and controls him so much. A is coming around so very well now. Gaining self esteem and self respect. Losing the disrespect.
He has to tiptoe around L. We all do. It should not be that way.
We have to give into her way or pay the cost.
Life is changing, in so many different ways with me, with my family.
I will not chronicle the rest of the story, maybe something here and there.
I'm so sorry you and your family are going through this. It seems like, after all you have been through, can't things just go smoothly for awhile?? I know it cannot happen like that, just because you want it to. God will guide you through these hard times. I know you know that. Do what you need to do, to keep things cool in your household. Whatever it is you choose to do, you are a good mom.
Robyn, I'm still here, reading along. And am so sad that all these sad and scary and Dangerous things are happening. Please know that I care very much and am saying prayers regularly for you and for L & A.
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