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The way I see things is that you develop the bond based on simple friendliness and kindness. When the worst comes up, it comes up, and that is what problem solving is for. I don't want to be around somebody who tests me and makes me leap over hurdles for them just for the sake of insecurities. It is draining and damaging for me, I've literally become physically ill because it feels so much like rejection. Your husband must be very tough and strong because I don't know anybody who LIKES or puts up with that rejection cycle.
I understand your point of view though. I guess if you are psychologically damaged it makes sense to you to do that.
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Originally Posted by Ivorytickler
I think it has to do with psychological damage. If you'll take us at our worst then I guess you'll stick around when we're at our best???
I know I did my share of pushing guys away when I was younger. My dad left. Why wouldn't I expect them to leave? They all did except for the one I married. If he could take me at my worst, I knew he could take me at my best.
I know, doesn't make sense but I don't think we make much sense when we're young. Everything is emotions and we respond to ghosts from our past.
Perhaps you don't quite understand what they mean by "path of least resistance"...basically it's a matter of being pig-headed or not. If I keep banging my head on the wall, hoping it will fall down, that's a high-resistance path. If I step back for a moment, I might notice there's a door just over there to the right...
While this is probably true in the case of doors (unless you can't squeeze through the other one ), if would be pretty sad if the same principle were applied to people, goals, intentions, dreams, etc. Particularly concerning people, it sounds like they're being treated like replaceable objects. Ah, one is a little difficult to deal with... there's always another that's easier. Reminds me of the saying that if you don't know where you're going you'll always get there... Yeah, alright, the goal is accomplished, but is it worth it?!
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When the lioness sets out to find a meal, she doesn't make complex plans - she uses her natural talents. Since a Taoist seeks to emulate nature, the latter is far more preferable.
Eeehh, I decided to skip this comment. It's not worth the carpal tunnel.
Sierra you fail to realize that I do not attract anybody. People are repelled by me, hence my hermitage.
The Karma story is about relationships, dating, inner content, relationships with oneself, all so called reflected back etc.
I feel good about myself. I like myself. I think I'm cool. If I have to be a hermit because other people can't meet me half way, or are too busy for me then they don't really reflect me and who I am. I make time and space for my friends if I had any. Sometimes I don't want to make the effort to reach out for fear of very possible and realistic rejections (it has happened plenty of times and what some of you describe as the other person fearing rejection so he or she starts to harass and belittle) whatever you call it, it hurts and is very painful,... I am cool with my decisions in being alone and not reaching out. I'm not beating up myself about it.
Karma isn't very scientific but is interesting and could be true some of the time...
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Originally Posted by sierraAZ
Not that you can't find them yourself, but here are a few I have handy:
Sierra you fail to realize that I do not attract anybody. People are repelled by me, hence my hermitage.
The Karma story is about relationships, dating, inner content, relationships with oneself, etc.
I feel good about myself. I like myself. I think I'm cool. If I have to be a hermit because other people can't meet me half way, or are too busy for me then they don't really reflect me and who I am. I make time and space for my friends if I had any. Sometimes I don't want to make the effort to reach out out for fear of very possible and realistic rejections... I am cool with my decisions. I'm not beating up myself about it.
Karma isn't very scientific but is interesting and could be true some of the time...
Geez, what's with that rant...?! You said you were interested; I posted them. Excusez moi...
Never mind, it was really directed to all the mean ladies/guys that treat the people they like, like trash. Maybe they will learn something... ooooooooh well
Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ
Geez, what's with that rant...?! You said you were interested; I posted them. Excusez moi...
I split with someone recently and realised that I had been mean to them at times..but it wasn't a fear of rejection - it was wanting them to be more of whatever it was, at the time, I thought they should be (not good, I know..) I sensed a lot of potential in them in certain ways and he felt the same too - he was mean to me also - but it felt like more of a case of...being annoyed that they weren't who you thought they might be..or trying to explain why it might be a good idea..
In fact - we were both pretty hard on each other and...it did become..strained..I don't know what the answer is..if someone I admire behaves really badly I want to see if I can rectify it before I walk away.
Maybe that seems controlling - I don't think I am..just want to make sure it doesn't adversely affect my life and to bring the best out of them.
The way I see things is that you develop the bond based on simple friendliness and kindness. When the worst comes up, it comes up, and that is what problem solving is for. I don't want to be around somebody who tests me and makes me leap over hurdles for them just for the sake of insecurities. It is draining and damaging for me, I've literally become physically ill because it feels so much like rejection. Your husband must be very tough and strong because I don't know anybody who LIKES or puts up with that rejection cycle.
I understand your point of view though. I guess if you are psychologically damaged it makes sense to you to do that.
Actually, it's me who is the tough and strong one. While I did my share of keeping men at a distance in my younger days, my husband took 30 years to deal with his baggage from his ex. It was not a pretty ride. Got downright ugly towards the end. It's actually funny that anyone would think he was the saint for putting up with me
We all come with baggage. I was simply offering perspective on why some women behave this way. Many of us are products of divorce. We expect men to leave. They kind of shock us when they don't. The flip side is we have a deeper understanding of you and your baggage. It's not surprising at all that damaged souls will seek each other out. Who else could put up with us?
This is not true. Women get meaner as they get older, particularly once you get past the dating stage and into the married stage.
Lol!!!
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), if would be pretty sad if the same principle were applied to people, goals, intentions, dreams, etc. Particularly concerning people, it sounds like they're being treated like replaceable objects. Ah, one is a little difficult to deal with... there's always another that's easier. Reminds me of the saying that if you don't know where you're going you'll always get there... 
Yeah, alright, the goal is accomplished, but is it worth it?!
