ladies are mean to guys they like..why? (dating, married, women)

[artsyguy]

I was curious about this because I've heard from a few female friends in their 20s that when they like a guy they pick on him and are mean to him....I also heard this from a male counselor that told me that a girl who used to harass and humiliate me in school really just "liked" me and it wasn't because she hated me, even though it felt like it and yes I used to cry about it because I felt hated.

Can THE LADIES of CD forum shed some light onto why that is? I am seriously perplexed and confused about it.

[undertheironsea]

Uh, if a woman is in her 20's, I'd expect her to be out of the "mean to you because I like you" stage.

I think we were supposed to all be out of that stage by the end of 6th grade.

[qt_batutie24]

because they are afraid of rejection.

[moonshadow]

Ah the old "treat em mean, keep em keen" trick!

Never been able to master it myself and when I see how successful it is for some women I really have to wonder what I'm doing wrong.
It's not a phenomenon I understand, but it does seem to work a lot of the time.

[scarletneon]

Originally Posted by qt_batutie24

because they are afraid of rejection.

bingo.
it's kind of like a defense mechanism.

[andreaspercheron]

I agree that it's partially a fear of rejection - yes woman have it too! But also, have to agree with another poster that said someone in their 20's should have grown out of that by now. To me, it's a self esteem / confidence issue - a confident woman would never act like that.

[hollygolightly]

I guess it's kind of like "playing hard to get," which I personally think is BS. My mom, being old-school as she is, is a huge advocate of this game and believes it keeps the guy interested. Personally, I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where head-games like that are needed to keep the fire burning!

[scarletneon]

Originally Posted by hollygolightly

I guess it's kind of like "playing hard to get," which I personally think is BS. My mom, being old-school as she is, is a huge advocate of this game and believes it keeps the guy interested. Personally, I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where head-games like that are needed to keep the fire burning!

Well, now are we talking about acting hot and cold with feelings? Or just simple teasing? Because I always tease guys I like... sometimes I can go a little far, but generally they do it back (usually they don't like me back, but that's another story).

I'm like that with a lot of people. it could be because my family has a twisted sense of humor.

I don't do the playing hard to get thing though. if I like someone, I usually tell them. It usually blows up in my face, though.

I agree that it's partially a fear of rejection - yes woman have it too! But also, have to agree with another poster that said someone in their 20's should have grown out of that by now. To me, it's a self esteem / confidence issue - a confident woman would never act like that.

I don't know, getting rejected a lot of times sucks pretty hard, and will do a number on your confidence.

[hollygolightly]

Teasing is fine, can be fun, that's not necessarily mean! But stupid games, to me that's just adults acting like children (not in a good, fun way). I want to be with (and actually am with) someone who appreciates me for me, I don't have to F with his head to get him to show his affection for me, and he doesn't have to make me feel insecure to get me to express how much I love him. Head-games suck!

[jimboburnsy]

Originally Posted by undertheironsea

Uh, if a woman is in her 20's, I'd expect her to be out of the "mean to you because I like you" stage.

I think we were supposed to all be out of that stage by the end of 6th grade.

This is not true. Women get meaner as they get older, particularly once you get past the dating stage and into the married stage.