sex in a relationship? (date, how to, marriage, woman)

[sincere1782]

Why is it that sex is an obligation in a relationship. I understand some people not wanting to wait for marriage, but when has it become "if we aren't having a sexual relationship that fits my satisfaction then i don't want the relationship anymore."
I say this because i was in a relationship for four years, but when I suggested the relationship move forward he said because i wasn't satisying him enough he left me. After four years, i feel like he wasted my time and that since he was a sex-a-holic i was supposed to be one too. I don't know maybe the idea of looking to the future scared him. Or maybe he was just using me until something better came along. Who know.

[bxlefty23]

everyone has nees be it sexual or other
why spend the rest of your life with someone who doesnt meet them?

[jimboburnsy]

Originally Posted by bxlefty23

everyone has nees be it sexual or other
why spend the rest of your life with someone who doesnt meet them?

Yep. Everyone always tells me I have sexy knees. Just lucky I guess.

[Smckown]

Originally Posted by bxlefty23

everyone has nees be it sexual or other
why spend the rest of your life with someone who doesnt meet them?

Agreed.... But did he not know that 4 yrs ago? hmmm maybe it got boring? need to spice it up sometimes.....same positions all the time do get old. Some people have stronger sex drives too.

[sincere1782]

i know everyone has needs, but in six months you should know if you want to continue in a relationship or not. Not four years, that's selfish and a waste of time to both parties. Especially when a child is in the picture.

[buildings_and_bridges]

Originally Posted by sincere1782

i know everyone has needs, but in six months you should know if you want to continue in a relationship or not. Not four years, that's selfish and a waste of time to both parties. Especially when a child is in the picture.

Just based on what you've said here, I think I'd have to agree. I don't see why it wouldn't be clear to the person sooner that it can't work out.

[NWPAguy]

Originally Posted by sincere1782

Why is it that sex is an obligation in a relationship. I understand some people not wanting to wait for marriage, but when has it become "if we aren't having a sexual relationship that fits my satisfaction then i don't want the relationship anymore."
I say this because i was in a relationship for four years, but when I suggested the relationship move forward he said because i wasn't satisying him enough he left me. After four years, i feel like he wasted my time and that since he was a sex-a-holic i was supposed to be one too. I don't know maybe the idea of looking to the future scared him. Or maybe he was just using me until something better came along. Who know.

Sex is not an obligation in a relationship. As a matter of fact, I had over 20 relationships which never included sex at any time... and to the best of my knowledge, that fact was only responsible for the premature destruction of one of them.

If you don't have sex before marriage and you only date people who haven't had sex before marriage, there will be no precedent in either person's mind and the relationship can progress based upon the things which really should build a relationship... similarity, trust, mutual enjoyment and compatibility, future prospects, etc. Then you get married eventually... and, if you're anything like me, you start out having very little clue about what to do. I married a virgin and the same was true with her... we've had some hilarious moments in bed.

However, we aren't laughing at each other. For as much as the hilarious "you'd-NEVER-see-this-in-a-movie" moments make us laugh, they also fill us with a feeling of comfort because we know that we're learning how to be great lovers with each other and neither of us ever had any "practice" on someone else whom we can compare to our spouse.

Go ahead, rip on me for my no-sex-before-marriage standpoint. I can guarantee you that the unfortunate situation which was presented by the original poster NEVER befell anyone who remained celibate before marriage... including me. As far as I'm concerned, any penis can go into any vagina and therefore physical sexual compatibility between a man and a woman is a constant in that equation. When you add love to the mix, especially lifetime commitment, that's when true complete sexual compatibility occurs.

[sincere1782]

Very well said, good men are hard to find but now i know there are still some out there. Thanks.

[Princess83]

Sex is always nice in a relationship, but its not everything and it really shouldn't make or break the relationship.

im sorry you were hurt

[buildings_and_bridges]

Originally Posted by NWPAguy

Go ahead, rip on me for my no-sex-before-marriage standpoint.

I won't be one to do that. I felt the same way until I decided that I didn't care for marriage too much. I'm still extremely conservative about sex compared to the rest of the population, though.

But...

I can guarantee you that the unfortunate situation which was presented by the original poster NEVER befell anyone who remained celibate before marriage...

How?