cheating (partner, emotionally, experiences, relations)

[Ivorytickler]

Originally Posted by lovesMountains

Every person must make that decision for themselves. But not all episodes of cheating are the same - so you are better off taking all factors into account before you make such a huge decision. Some people throw away potentially great relationships by being unwilling to forgive or grow thru the pain. Other times the cheater can't/won't be reformed and you have to cut them lose.

Why should we have to grow through the pain? There are other potentially great relationships to be had with people who didn't cheat on us. I don't get the push to struggle back from something like this. Someone who cheats has, obvious, character flaws. Why is that something I'd want to struggle through? Why the push to save the relationship at all cost when it's a relationship that ended in cheating?

There's a reason even the bible allows for divorce in cases of cheating.

[lovesMountains]

Originally Posted by Ivorytickler

Why should we have to grow through the pain? There are other potentially great relationships to be had with people who didn't cheat on us. I don't get the push to struggle back from something like this. Someone who cheats has, obvious, character flaws. Why is that something I'd want to struggle through? Why the push to save the relationship at all cost when it's a relationship that ended in cheating?

There's a reason even the bible allows for divorce in cases of cheating.

The pain of labor can produce beautiful and precious life

This is true of the labor of childbirth or the labor needed to give birth to a renewed marriage. Anyone who lets the fear of the pain prevent them from acheiving the ultimate goal - new life - misses one of the biggest opportunities of their lives.

[Ivorytickler]

Originally Posted by lovesMountains

The pain of labor can produce beautiful and precious life

This is true of the labor of childbirth or the labor needed to give birth to a renewed marriage. Anyone who lets the fear of the pain prevent them from acheiving the ultimate goal - new life - misses one of the biggest opportunities of their lives.

You're comparing an innocent baby to a cheating husband? Exactly how does your spouse cheating and you spending years struggling through the aftermath produce beauty you couldn't have had with a spouse who never cheated on you? I'd think the same effort on a new relationship could also produce beautiful results.

[lovesMountains]

Originally Posted by Ivorytickler

You're comparing an innocent baby to a cheating husband? Exactly how does your spouse cheating and you spending years struggling through the aftermath produce beauty you couldn't have had with a spouse who never cheated on you? I'd think the same effort on a new relationship could also produce beautiful results.

No surprise, you totally miss the point and twist things around to your junior high level logic. Fortunately there are many reading here who will understand, and agree with, my point

[Ivorytickler]

Originally Posted by lovesMountains

No surprise, you totally miss the point and twist things around to your junior high level logic. Fortunately there are many reading here who will understand, and agree with, my point

Can't explain it so resort to insults. Typical when you can't answer the quetion.

So explain it. How is the comparison of an innocent baby to a cheating husband accurate? What wonderful thing comes out of repairing a marriage after betrayal that cannot be had in another relationship with somoene who never betrayed you with the same work put into the relationship? I'm willing to bet the same effort put into a relationship with someone who never cheated on me is going to yeild a greater reward because you have the advantage of being with someone who hasn't cheated. You still have that innocent trust in them (like you would a baby). Integrity counts.

And childbirth and cheating spouses aren't exactly Jr. High topics of discussion. So, just what would a Jr. High belief on either of these be?

[lovesMountains]

Originally Posted by Ivorytickler

Can't explain it so resort to insults. Typical when you can't answer the quetion.

So explain it. How is the comparison of an innocent baby to a cheating husband accurate? What wonderful thing comes out of repairing a marriage after betrayal that cannot be had in another relationship with somoene who never betrayed you with the same work put into the relationship? I'm willing to bet the same effort put into a relationship with someone who never cheated on me is going to yeild a greater reward because you have the advantage of being with someone who hasn't cheated. You still have that innocent trust in them (like you would a baby). Integrity counts.

And childbirth and cheating spouses aren't exactly Jr. High topics of discussion. So, just what would a Jr. High belief on either of these be?

Good grief, are you really this dense? I like to think you are just pretending to be in order to continue an argument.

What is "junior high" is YOUR LOGIC my dear. You seem to have the arrested emotional development of a junior high student. You lack the ability to see any opinion other than your own and your own is very immature for the most part.

As I have stated earlier, everyone must make the choice of what to do in this situation for themselves (but hopefully with a very thoughtful process). You have ALREADY made your mind up, so why do you persist like an annoying knat to repeat yourself over and over again?

[sierraAZ]

Originally Posted by Ivorytickler

What wonderful thing comes out of repairing a marriage after betrayal that cannot be had in another relationship with somoene who never betrayed you with the same work put into the relationship? I'm willing to bet the same effort put into a relationship with someone who never cheated on me is going to yeild a greater reward because you have the advantage of being with someone who hasn't cheated.

You'll be up for rude surprises... Yeah, OK, the next one may not cheat, but he also won't be many things that you currently have and take for granted and presume you’ll have them again!

[Ivorytickler]

Originally Posted by lovesMountains

Good grief, are you really this dense? I like to think you are just pretending to be in order to continue an argument.

What is "junior high" is YOUR LOGIC my dear. You seem to have the arrested emotional development of a junior high student. You lack the ability to see any opinion other than your own and your own is very immature for the most part.

As I have stated earlier, everyone must make the choice of what to do in this situation for themselves (but hopefully with a very thoughtful process). You have ALREADY made your mind up, so why do you persist like an annoying knat to repeat yourself over and over again?

Don't mistake no one presenting an argument I buy for not being able to see other's points. I see them when they make sense.

This is not even close to a JR. High topic so Jr. High logic makes no sense here.

Please answer the question. What do we get out of taking back a cheating spouse and working through the pain to rebuild a shattered relationship that we could not have with the same, or less, effort in a new relationship with someone who never betrayed us?

Nothing Jr. High about this question. You compared it to having a baby and working through labor. So what beautiful thing do we get that we couldn't have had otherwise? WHat's the baby in this case? The thing you don't have if you don't go through the pain?

I"m sorry but the way I see it, the same effort put into a relationship with someone who never betrayed me is better spent and more likely to yield superior results because you don't have an underlying trust issue.

[Ivorytickler]

Originally Posted by sierraAZ

You'll be up for rude surprises... Yeah, OK, the next one may not cheat, but he also won't be many things that you currently have and take for granted and presume you’ll have them again!

Every relationship has it's plusses and minuses. I can put up with a lot but trust is a must. Sure it would be different but with the same kind of effort I'd have to put into rebuilding a shattered relationship, I'd be willing to bet it would be better. Not the same, no two relationships are but better. That kind of effort poured into a relatioship that does not have an underlying trust issue would probably yeild better results than it poured into one with underlying trust issues due to past betrayal. It's one less HUGE thing to get over.

[sierraAZ]

Originally Posted by Ivorytickler

Every relationship has it's plusses and minuses. I can put up with a lot but trust is a must.

I absolutely agree, but if I'm not mistaken this happened while you and your husband were separated. While it's still hard to accept, to me at least this is not cheating.