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Old 06-05-2008, 02:38 PM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,387 posts, read 29,047,555 times
Reputation: 14444

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Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
You know, I'm beginning to smell a rat. Nobody can be this big of a doormat. I'm saying baloney.
Yes they can. I've met them IRL. Some of the nicest guys I know got walked all over by ex's. What I want to know is why it's always the nice guys?

I had a neighbor (killed in a motorcycle accident, sadly) who any woman in her right mind would have given her right arm to be married to. His wife had affairs, took advantage of him and finally, left the state with his kids (at least we think they were his) to move in with an ex boyfriend. He did everything to save that marriage. I swear he worshipped her. You could see it in the way he looked at her. He rolled over in the divorce too. He was just so hurt by her he wouldn't fight. He didn't care about anything once she left.

I don't know if they're so hopelessly in love they can't let go or if they just can't handle having their relationship fail but something motivates them to stay and put up with an incredible amount of crap. If my husband looked at me the way he looked at her, we'd be the happiest couple on earth. Why is it women who'd appreciate men like this don't attract them? Man, mother nature got this wrong.
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Old 06-05-2008, 10:15 PM
 
13,779 posts, read 22,846,630 times
Reputation: 7371
Oh yeah, crazy stuff like this happens. Why, I don't know, but it does.

My best friend is going through the biggest Jerry Springer divorce I have ever seen. Every topic is covered...infidelity, drugs, gambling, alcoholism, physical violence, and other terrible things!

I think her "norm" was eventually formed by his craziness but I will never know. There are actually times when she thinks she wants him back!!! It makes me sick, but, this is where she is right now.

I hope the OP can do the right thing for himself.
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Old 06-05-2008, 10:21 PM
 
335 posts, read 919,375 times
Reputation: 140
Quote:
Originally Posted by nsa162 View Post
My wife and i have been married for a little over three years. We had a great marriage until after we had our baby a little over a year ago. With a baby comes alot of responsibility and there was no time to ourselves to spend together. We drifted apart and recently she said that she didnt feel like we were spouses anymore because we dont spend time together. She then started contacting an old boyfriend by email. She said that she wanted to spend a few days there just to put him out of her mind so we can try to work things out. I agreed. Thinking back it was a stupid idea because i came across some of their emails and its apparent that ive been cheated on. I'm not sure if sex was part of it but certainly cuddling and kissing. Thats cheating, too. I asked her when she came back from her trip if anything happened and she said no but these emails are to the contrary. I dont want to tell her that i read her email. What should i do? He is a 3 hour flight away so i dont really have to worry about something happening again but still.
Being married once for 10 years I can say you were irresponsible to agree to this! Every relationship goes through drastic change once a child is born the idea is to find ways of getting back together so to speak post baby!
My ex was military so I did not have these worries but I will tell you one thing, I did not think of another man or how stale the relationship was because I made a committment before god and the law!
Try being a female, being married and raising a child on your own, there is no excuses it is a choice, do I choose to love my husband or do I choose not too.
And imho? If you do not find a way to respectfully confront her you will never have any peace and be stuck in paranoia land!
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Old 06-06-2008, 08:01 PM
 
2,015 posts, read 4,477,746 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nsa162 View Post
My wife and i have been married for a little over three years. We had a great marriage until after we had our baby a little over a year ago. With a baby comes alot of responsibility and there was no time to ourselves to spend together. We drifted apart and recently she said that she didnt feel like we were spouses anymore because we dont spend time together. She then started contacting an old boyfriend by email. She said that she wanted to spend a few days there just to put him out of her mind so we can try to work things out. I agreed. Thinking back it was a stupid idea because i came across some of their emails and its apparent that ive been cheated on. I'm not sure if sex was part of it but certainly cuddling and kissing. Thats cheating, too. I asked her when she came back from her trip if anything happened and she said no but these emails are to the contrary. I dont want to tell her that i read her email. What should i do? He is a 3 hour flight away so i dont really have to worry about something happening again but still.
Oh, whoope-de-doo, you had a "great" marriage during the honeymoon period when all was roses, and as soon as the baby came along, and the newness wore off and the stinky diapers came in, your wife's reaction was to go cheating by looking up an old boyfriend? Are you kidding me? No, this is not normal. When you asked her point-blank, she lied. Liars will be liars and that's the end of that. If you can't trust your own spouse then who can you trust? I understand that people make mistakes, spouses make mistakes, but your wife is still denying that she's cheating. How do you feel about that? If it was me, seriously, I would tell her to FO and file for a divorce, and file for custody of the child.

P.S. - I've been married for 25 years. Married life is filled with ups and downs. It can be weathered if you're married to an honest person. I believe in staying together when both people are honest and willing to forgive, compromise, etc. However, when it comes to liars and cheaters, it's adios, and don't let the door hit you on your way out.

To me, once a cheater (and a liar, who won't even admit to cheating), always a cheater. Again, if she would have cheated and then admitted it when confronted, my response would be different. Bottom line, she needs to grow up. For me, if person isn't a grown-up at marriage, then good-bye and come back when you're grown up. Life is too short for this type of cr*p.

How are you going to stay with a person that you have to monitor 24/7 and wonder if they're cheating, lying, etc. What's next? Bottom line to me is that all of us have an allotted time on earth; how can you spend it with a person that doesn't even have enough respect for you (much less your marriage vows) to be honest?
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Old 06-07-2008, 03:39 AM
 
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
10,706 posts, read 30,520,982 times
Reputation: 6589
It is posible that its not his child and its too late to back out of the entire thing but I personally would still want to know the truth.

He might be this big of a doormat and now given the things we have said, realized how big of a doormat he is. She will continue to take advantage of him as long as he allows her to.
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Old 06-07-2008, 05:51 AM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,387 posts, read 29,047,555 times
Reputation: 14444
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lindsey_Mcfarren View Post
It is posible that its not his child and its too late to back out of the entire thing but I personally would still want to know the truth.

He might be this big of a doormat and now given the things we have said, realized how big of a doormat he is. She will continue to take advantage of him as long as he allows her to.
I disagree on knowing. What purpose does it serve now? The child is here and established as his. That's all that matters to the court and to the child. How do you think knowing you're paying child support for a child that isn't yours will help this situation (and I do think it's headed for divorce. Women like this are never happy and keep taking what they can get until something better comes along then they leave).

I just don't see any good coming out of a paternity test at this time.
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Old 06-07-2008, 08:09 AM
 
Location: So. of Rosarito, Baja, Mexico
6,545 posts, read 17,499,335 times
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When a couple get married each has to be considered as #1 in their eyes. If a spouse decides to go to another for LOVE/SEX/WHATEVER then # 1 does not exist anymore and is dropped to a #2 spot. As for me, I am NEVER #2. I'm to be a #1 or NOTHING. I will NEVER accept 2nd fiddle at any time. If my spouse likes another warm bed better then mine, then ADIOS BABY!!!! HASTA LAVISTA!!!! Steve
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Old 06-07-2008, 08:45 AM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,387 posts, read 29,047,555 times
Reputation: 14444
Quote:
Originally Posted by Steve Bagu View Post
When a couple get married each has to be considered as #1 in their eyes. If a spouse decides to go to another for LOVE/SEX/WHATEVER then # 1 does not exist anymore and is dropped to a #2 spot. As for me, I am NEVER #2. I'm to be a #1 or NOTHING. I will NEVER accept 2nd fiddle at any time. If my spouse likes another warm bed better then mine, then ADIOS BABY!!!! HASTA LAVISTA!!!! Steve
I totally agree. Once you've been displaced, there is no going back and I'm not sure you should even want to try. It's kind of futile to go after something you can never recapture again.
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Old 06-07-2008, 10:50 AM
 
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
10,706 posts, read 30,520,982 times
Reputation: 6589
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
I disagree on knowing. What purpose does it serve now? The child is here and established as his. That's all that matters to the court and to the child. How do you think knowing you're paying child support for a child that isn't yours will help this situation (and I do think it's headed for divorce. Women like this are never happy and keep taking what they can get until something better comes along then they leave).

I just don't see any good coming out of a paternity test at this time.
I would want to know the depths of the deception this woman was willing to go to and I can tell you if I were a man and she not only cheated but cheated and passed off another guys kid as mine, I would leave her so fast her head would spin. I think there is a chance at times in fixing a marriage where infidelity has reared its ugly head but the kind of dishonesty that it would take to pass another mans child off as your husband is something MUCH deeper.
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Old 06-07-2008, 10:58 AM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,387 posts, read 29,047,555 times
Reputation: 14444
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lindsey_Mcfarren View Post
I would want to know the depths of the deception this woman was willing to go to and I can tell you if I were a man and she not only cheated but cheated and passed off another guys kid as mine, I would leave her so fast her head would spin. I think there is a chance at times in fixing a marriage where infidelity has reared its ugly head but the kind of dishonesty that it would take to pass another mans child off as your husband is something MUCH deeper.
Another possibility is she may not know. Don't you watch Maury?

Given births can be +/- 2 weeks from the due date, more than one guy in a cycle means you don't know but many women/men think they can just count days when you can't. If you count days, my husband was on a business trip when one of our daughters was concieved (of course this is the kid who looks nothing like him. She's my kid all the way. Figures.)
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