U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 06-04-2008, 10:30 PM
 
Location: AR
564 posts, read 2,107,294 times
Reputation: 605

Advertisements

Here's the deal. I'm fairly young (23), so take this with a grain of salt, but I'd like to examine this and see what people think about the issue.

Since I've started dating (if you can call what you do in high school "dating", haha) all the way up until now in my 5th year in college, if I've ever turned down a girl because I'm not attracted to her physically, I'll be eaten alive by my female friends. It doesn't matter the reason--weight, face, whatever--I'll still be yelled at like the son of Stalin himself. The same happens when these women try to set me up with someone, someone they'll know I won't be attracted to in any way--then they act shocked when I say no. They've seen the girls I've dated and they look NOTHING like these women. But still, I'll get the "you're so superficial" or "you're full of yourself" or a few four letter words strung together followed by "jerk!"

NOW, to the flip side!

I've seen women be OPENLY rude to overweight men and those who weren't particularly pleasing to their eye. I've actually seen boys and men laughed at right to their face. Granted, not all women do this, and I'm not here to say they ALL do. There is many a sweetheart out there who doesn't care. But where, oh where, is the mob of people telling said woman who does this how big of a ***** she is for turning down such a "great guy" for "superficial things?" I don't see it. In fact, the group of hens she's out with (whether at a bar, mall, whatever) is cackling right along, talking about the guy while he slowly makes his way back to his seat at the other side of the bar.

And yes, I've seen men be this cold before as well when turning women down. But, my point is, the women who do this should stop criticizing men for turning down certain women when they do the exact same thing to men sometimes.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 06-04-2008, 11:43 PM
 
14,307 posts, read 15,132,166 times
Reputation: 8348
Quote:
Originally Posted by undertheironsea View Post
....... But still, I'll get the "you're so superficial" or "you're full of yourself" or a few four letter words strung together followed by "jerk!"
When they start in with their diatribes, just smile, look them in the eye and tell them that they're "just so darned cute when you're indignant".

They just need to grow up a liitle bit. It's normal to want to be romantic with someone that is pleasing to the eye.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-04-2008, 11:46 PM
 
25,165 posts, read 48,415,427 times
Reputation: 6958
just tell them you don't want to reproduce with anybody that looks like they came out of a Wes Craven creature feature....

remember you should always judge a book by its cover...thats what mama always said...
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-04-2008, 11:57 PM
 
Location: AR
564 posts, read 2,107,294 times
Reputation: 605
Noted!

Reps to you both.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-04-2008, 11:58 PM
 
25,165 posts, read 48,415,427 times
Reputation: 6958
Why should he get romantic with somebody that is hideous? That would be devastating.

Quote:
Originally Posted by doc1 View Post
They just need to grow up a liitle bit. It's normal to want to be romantic with someone that is pleasing to the eye.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-05-2008, 12:22 AM
 
Location: AR
564 posts, read 2,107,294 times
Reputation: 605
Quote:
Originally Posted by artsyguy View Post
Why should he get romantic with somebody that is hideous? That would be devastating.
Haha, well, I didn't want to sound terribly superficial with it....but you usually have to have that physical attraction with a person for a relationship to work. Or the person have a crapload of money, either one.

But I just found it funny that women can criticize guys like me when some of them do the same damn thing, but are sometimes less refined about it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-05-2008, 01:29 AM
 
14,307 posts, read 15,132,166 times
Reputation: 8348
Tell your critics to pursue a relationship with the elephant man then come back to you with their high 'n mighty BS.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-05-2008, 06:40 AM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,393 posts, read 30,732,152 times
Reputation: 14583
[quote=undertheironsea;3995077]Here's the deal. I'm fairly young (23), so take this with a grain of salt, but I'd like to examine this and see what people think about the issue.

Since I've started dating (if you can call what you do in high school "dating", haha) all the way up until now in my 5th year in college, if I've ever turned down a girl because I'm not attracted to her physically, I'll be eaten alive by my female friends. It doesn't matter the reason--weight, face, whatever--I'll still be yelled at like the son of Stalin himself. The same happens when these women try to set me up with someone, someone they'll know I won't be attracted to in any way--then they act shocked when I say no. They've seen the girls I've dated and they look NOTHING like these women. But still, I'll get the "you're so superficial" or "you're full of yourself" or a few four letter words strung together followed by "jerk!"

Some tratidions die hard. In the past, there has been reason for women to be more discriminating (but there has never been reason for men to judge women on looks only). It used to be that a woman, who only was able to pick from the men who approached her whereas men could choose who they approached (more choices = more criticism for being superficial) had to be careful (the important part)to choose from among what was offered the best possible provider because she and her children (back when that was inevitble too) would be dependent on him. Like it or not, success is tied to, among other things, looks. What men tie to looks in women is beyond me. As one friend once said, "All women look the same when the lights are out".

Rudeness is never acceptable but there are rude people. Since it's more often the man approaching the woman asking for a date, he's more likely to be rejected. For women, men just don't ask so you don't see that men reject homilier women more than women reject homely men. For men, if you don't like a woman, you just avoid her. Women, are, unfortunately, stuck with telling him to go away. How does one say, I'm really not interested and not have it come off as rejection for physical characteristics? Women can be not interested just because they're not interested. Men, however, pick and choose who they ask so they are only talking to the ones they are intereted in. Hence, it's obvious when men are superficial and into only looks, which BTW is a total turn off to most women wheras a woman's motives aren't so obvious.

I also would not take women laughing as a man walks away as them laughing at his looks. They may just find it funny that he thought she MUST be looking because she's out. Sometimes we just like to go out, giggle with our girlfriends and have a good time.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-05-2008, 06:52 AM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,393 posts, read 30,732,152 times
Reputation: 14583
Quote:
Originally Posted by artsyguy View Post
Why should he get romantic with somebody that is hideous? That would be devastating.
So what would you do if your spouse were disfigured in an accident?

One of the most unattractive characteristics I can think of is a man who is into what a woman looks like. We all grow old. Looks change. It's what's left that's important.

Yeah, the word jerk keeps coming to mind here.

I learned very young to date bald men. I found out that bald men (ones who don't do the comb over, go for hair transplants or wear toupee's) are far more forgiving of me being less than perfect.

This is a subject that bugs me because I went from fat to skinny. I got so much more attention when thin yet I knew it was just superficial jerks looking. I wonder how many of them think I said no because of their looks? and yes, I giggled when they walked away at their arrogance not their looks or weight.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-05-2008, 07:22 AM
 
681 posts, read 2,574,069 times
Reputation: 529
Quote:
Originally Posted by undertheironsea View Post
Here's the deal. I'm fairly young (23), so take this with a grain of salt, but I'd like to examine this and see what people think about the issue.
Your age doesn't make you a moron, nor does it mean that older people shouldn't listen to you. My wife is 23... does that mean I should take everything she says with a grain of salt? Give yourself some credit, dude. If you have something intelligent to say, it doesn't matter if you're 23, 93, or 7.

Quote:
Originally Posted by undertheironsea View Post
Since I've started dating (if you can call what you do in high school "dating", haha) all the way up until now in my 5th year in college, if I've ever turned down a girl because I'm not attracted to her physically, I'll be eaten alive by my female friends. It doesn't matter the reason--weight, face, whatever--I'll still be yelled at like the son of Stalin himself. The same happens when these women try to set me up with someone, someone they'll know I won't be attracted to in any way--then they act shocked when I say no. They've seen the girls I've dated and they look NOTHING like these women. But still, I'll get the "you're so superficial" or "you're full of yourself" or a few four letter words strung together followed by "jerk!"
This is because one of the biggest fears that women possess is being considered physically unattractive. They know how "visual" men are, and they more than men are in search of love. If a woman is told in any way that she is physically unattractive, she translates that into "I will never be able to find a man who will love me, because of how I look!". Any smart woman will know that looks can only be changed to an extent, so they start thinking that they are eternally screwed. Society bombards women at every turn with messages- direct and subliminal- which say "You're ugly". It's much more devastating to a woman if she's called ugly than it is to a man if he is called ugly. Most men think that when women call them ugly, they're just jealous or being retaliatory or whatever. Most women think that when men call them ugly, they mean it. Men will remember the successes they've had with women and think "If I was ugly, how is it that I got [this woman] and [that woman] and yadda yadda yadda?" Women, for the most part, won't bring that to bear. Sadly enough, it's been my observation that for most women, one "You're ugly" can counterbalance 1,000 "You're beautiful"s.

Quote:
Originally Posted by undertheironsea View Post
NOW, to the flip side!

I've seen women be OPENLY rude to overweight men and those who weren't particularly pleasing to their eye. I've actually seen boys and men laughed at right to their face. Granted, not all women do this, and I'm not here to say they ALL do. There is many a sweetheart out there who doesn't care. But where, oh where, is the mob of people telling said woman who does this how big of a ***** she is for turning down such a "great guy" for "superficial things?" I don't see it. In fact, the group of hens she's out with (whether at a bar, mall, whatever) is cackling right along, talking about the guy while he slowly makes his way back to his seat at the other side of the bar.
This is true too, to a large extent, isn't it? You have to think about the big picture. Many women become very judgmental about men's looks because they themselves have been subjected to such appearance-related judgment for their whole lives. It can be subconscious... most women don't even recognize that this is what they're doing while they're doing it. My wife is a perfect example of this... she has felt judged her whole life due to being fat and tall... and she just recently came to the realization that one of the reasons why she has a hard time shedding her belief that she's being judged is because she has been judging others. She doesn't LIKE that, and since she's recognized it, she has taken steps to flush it out of her life... but it's the truth. She's one of the sweetest women I've ever met... running into her at the store, you'd think she's the last person on earth who would ever judge anyone... but it happens. I doubt she's the only one. Women don't like being judged, and they tend to judge right back in a retaliatory fashion. Let's face it... for a woman, to meet society's standards of beauty, it takes a lot of work and a lot of prep time. Why else would anyone in her right mind spend an hour getting herself ready for a party? I can be showered, dressed to kill, and ready to leave in 20 minutes flat... my mother, forget it... she'd be in the bathroom for an hour after that shower water was turned off.

Show me a woman who feels like she has never been judged, and I'll show you a woman who never judges anyone else. That's what it boils down to. That's why you will find the occasional legion of shallow, catty women who will, as you put it, "cackle" as the rejected guy slinks off to his seat at the other end of the bar. They're not necessarily thinking that it's funny that they got revenge on that one particular man. They're thinking that it's funny that they fought back against mankind in general.

Now, look... I could be wrong. But... I don't believe that I am.

Quote:
Originally Posted by undertheironsea View Post
And yes, I've seen men be this cold before as well when turning women down. But, my point is, the women who do this should stop criticizing men for turning down certain women when they do the exact same thing to men sometimes.
This is true but I can see where the women come from. Women are judged very harshly in America for their physical appearances. Men aren't. You'll still see pictures of Jack Nicholson on the beach with his enormous beer gut hanging out, Leopold Stokowski-ish hair, and skin that resembles a wrinkle farm... and the negative comments are few, if any. The caption of the picture will be "Jack kicks back at Malibu Beach with his 29-year-old girlfriend, [name]". Now, if there were a 70-something-year-old FEMALE star on the beach like that... wearing a two-piece bikini which highlighted her saggy boobs, protruding stomach, varicose veins, stretch marks, and wrinkles... she would be pillaried by the press and you'd find her on the front cover of Star Magazine under the heading "WORST BEACH BODIES OF 2008"... with her face blurred and a big "Guess who?" caption near her picture. Open up the magazine, and there she is for all the world to see... judged to be hideously disgusting by the fashionistas, and subsequently judged the same way by all of the brainless morons who merely smile and nod along with what the "experts" say. This unfair double standard creates a certain anger in women which I understand.

Dude... I agree with you that this whole situation you described is unfair. However, I believe that the actions of the women you described are more a SYMPTOM than the actual PROBLEM. If you want to stop the symptom, you will have to stop the problem. Get on the bandwagon and fight back against women being categorically judged on their looks. I believe that a man should choose to be with a woman he finds beautiful, meaning that he will have to judge women's looks personally. However, such men must always remember that just because they may not find a particular woman exceptionally attractive, that does not make that woman categorically unattractive. Actually, she WILL be found to be beautiful by some other man... which makes her beautiful, period. End of story.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top