Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Dont count on the heritance !! When my grandmother who also was worth alot...had it set up to be distributed between my brother and i, and my parents who were well off had the same thing. Well my mother passed before my grandmother, my dad couldnt live without a women so went and found a new wife less than 6 months and moved my grandmother into his house. Well...long story short, all the so called "promised" inheritance, we never seen a dime. nothing. Which you learn, that life is not about "the" money. This may and i pray it never happens to you, but dont ever COUNT on anything but yourself in life.
First, open your own bank account and don't tell him about it. Even if you put only a few dollars each week in there, do it. It's yours. Don't spend it on things you want. Save it for when you really need it.
Second, hand him all the bills. Tell him you're relinquishing all financial responsibility over to him. Let him be the adult. As long as you handle the money - whether for bills or groceries or whatever, you're allowing him to be a child instead of an adult.
Find any job you can, college degree required or not. Then pay yourself first by putting 10% of your check into your account and handing him the other 90% in cash for household stuff. Then let him figure out how to pay the bills and finance his hobby.
Don't let him engage you in debate. Don't argue. If he starts ranting and raving, sit quietly and listen. Don't argue back. Don't react. Just listen. If he asks a question, tell him you don't know, whatever he thinks. Just hand it all to him.
You're not getting anything for yourself now, except the stress of trying to pay bills with money he spends on other stuff. Get rid of the stress by passing it off to him. Force him to be a responsible adult.
Even if I only have 9 classes and student teaching to do that is at least another year and we need money NOW...plus it costs money to go to school...I have really looked into that one to see if I could do it and it is just soooo expensive..
Well, you need to think about now and the future. It actually took me 6 years to complete my teaching degree because I was working full time until student teaching. Even if it's just a class a term (and financial aid is avialable if you're having financial troubles), it's one class closer to some real independence.
My grandmother used to say "Time passes anyway". No matter what you do with today, it will be gone. You can have something to show for it and be better off in the future because of it or you can be saying the same thing you're saying now in another year.
I do agree you need a job but you also need a better future. These are not mutually exclusive goals.
I am almost positive we will get it...it has been talked about openly and it has already been put aside (some kind of account that will have no taxes taken out..) so I don't think that is a problem..however, then how come I can't buy??? how come we are on such a tight budget on food and things we REALLY need?!? grrr..it is making me mad just talking about it..
I must ask do the grand parents have other grandchildren or do your husband have siblings. I married into a something similar like this one. first you must know ,anything thats inherited in a will before the date of marriage has nothing to do with you. If the money is not willed to you it's not really your money. If a will was made before you married him that is his money! let's just hope he share some of his inherits with you. Save your money. remenber money can change a person into a selfish person. some kind of account is that all you know about this money. wow!
Its not about toys or buying expensive crap. He feels very unfulfilled. He is trying to fill avoid in his life by buying stuff. There could be many reasons. Sometimes people who do this were very poor growing up. Maybe his parents didn’t spend time with him and made up for it by buying things. There could be a million and one different reasons. He need’s to realize he has a problem and seek counseling. However, It is unlikely that if he does not see he has a problem and you drag him into counseling anything will change at all. Once he gets to the root of his problem and overcomes, you could see drastic improvements. An ideal situation is that you help to fulfill one another’s needs so he does not feel like he needs expensive toys, and you will not need emotional support from strangers on the internet ( it’s a hard thing to do to show love to someone when they are undeserving and you are angry with them) Anyhow, you should both get some good marriage counseling together and apart, with someone who makes you feel comfortable. Marriage takes work from both people, you can’t do his work for him, with out harding you heart toward him. I hope you guys work it out. Its tragic when people invest years into a marriage and it does not work. Best of luck!
One of my hot buttons..........don't ever count on an inheritance until it's probated and you have the money in your hands. All his life, my H was told, "All this will be yours some day.". So what did he get? Nothing, zero, bubkus, nada, zilch. This turned him into a bitter man and had a negative influence on the rest of his life.
Sounds like the two of you need to get into financial parity. It's easy. You budget for savings/retirement/kids school, bills, food, insurance, and other expenses. In other words everything you know you will be spending every month. You can include holidays and vacations if you wish. Then take the leftovers and divide by 2. You get 1/2 and he gets 1/2. He can spend his as he wishes and so can you. He can have any hobby he can afford. And the bills will be paid on time.
Your inheritance(if it happens) will be frittered away in no time at all. Just wait till he can afford the plane and a couple racehorses. There are lots of money pits out there. Your H needs to find some financial maturity and start living like a grownup within his means. Your post reminds me of the kids you see screaming in the cart at the grocery store in the throes of the I WANT tantrum. This is so unfortunate because if the inheritance happens, he will trade the possibility of a relatively easy life for a bunch of toys he and the other kids will outgrow. Too bad.
Kids are young just a few years, those few years are the memories they will have for the rest of their lives. The motorcycles, wicked expensive vacations and other creative ways of parting with money are what come up in conversations during every family get together. What a Blast!
It sounds like your married to an overgrown child. I don't know of a way to FORCE him to grow up and live like a responsible adult. Maybe therapy?
I read somewhere that people horde things to compensate for a loss. I have seen it with friends and family when someone such as a parent died, they horde and horde things.
Perhaps this is a sign of something he is compensating for, or trying to replace with instant hobby gratification?
What I would do in your situation is to call a marriage counselor. Find out if there is a free consultation you can try and ask some questions. Counselors have the questions you didn't think to ask, and will offer suggestions to approach, and your options for resolution.
Time to see how important you and your marriage are to him. You can not keep going like this, and him getting madder and calling you a nag is disrespectful to you. You are hurting from this, and rightly so. You have children, and their stability is on shaky ground b/c he won't be put on a budget.
Time to make those choices and decisions you've been dreading. You know what they are.
All of a sudden, I'm extremely grateful that my passions are low maintenance in terms of my hobbies. The most expensive toys I own are my guitar, my amplifier, and the chorus pedal I use with the guitar. My other passions include books and listening to music and they don't cost a boatload of money, when I have extra money to buy a book or a new piece of music. And one of my passions, old-time radio, has cost me three things---jack, diddley, and squat. If you don't count the 500GB external hard drive I bought early this summer (a measly $80 for that kind of virtual vault!) to accommodate my old-time radio library . . . which was built to a collection of nearly five thousand old-time radio shows absolutely free, since old-time radio is now, 98 percent of it, in the public domain, and readily available through archive.org and a few other Internet sites.
My SO is probably extremely grateful that I'm extremely inexpensive. I'd rather spend my extra money on her, anyway . . . when I have it to spend, that is.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
inherited money from your husband grandparents
