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Old 06-14-2008, 10:02 PM
 
Location: London, KY
657 posts, read 952,035 times
Reputation: 397

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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
Just to play devil's advocate I will disagree. Apparently many people "do go home again". Lost and Found Lovers - Home Page

This is more common than many of you seem to realize. Not advocating doing anything that breaks up a family, but for some people reconnecting with that long lost love is definitely happening.
If the OP was a single guy, then I wouldn't see the harm in trying to contact an old love, if for nothing else..to say hello. However, a marriage (and one he claims to be happy in) and children are too much to sacrifice for rekindling a college romance. Bottom line, at this stage of his game, it would be a BAD move. Just my ten cents though.......
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Old 06-14-2008, 10:43 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
44,764 posts, read 56,045,751 times
Reputation: 37784
Quote:
Originally Posted by rbryant View Post
If the OP was a single guy, then I wouldn't see the harm in trying to contact an old love, if for nothing else..to say hello. However, a marriage (and one he claims to be happy in) and children are too much to sacrifice for rekindling a college romance. Bottom line, at this stage of his game, it would be a BAD move. Just my ten cents though.......
I think we all agree with that
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Old 06-15-2008, 12:39 AM
 
659 posts, read 224,713 times
Reputation: 240
They say you NEVER forget your first true love and it is 110% true. Not the second, not the fith, but the very first has a permanent, lasting impression in your brain and soul you can never errase. I still have vivid dreams so real I wake thinking they are real of my first lover. She would have made a terrible wife and I'm glad we never married, but damn was I in love. That was 22 years ago. We dated for 4 years, had sex about 6 times a day and lived life so full of passion it could not be written into a novel. We could not keep our hads off each other for a minute. I think of her daily, like it or not. She is in my dreams and may have been the true lost love that got away. You're not wierd, normal, as sad as it may be in my opinion.
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Old 06-15-2008, 05:55 AM
 
Location: Whoville....
22,111 posts, read 16,681,529 times
Reputation: 11614
Quote:
Originally Posted by travelmate38 View Post
They say you NEVER forget your first true love and it is 110% true. Not the second, not the fith, but the very first has a permanent, lasting impression in your brain and soul you can never errase. I still have vivid dreams so real I wake thinking they are real of my first lover. She would have made a terrible wife and I'm glad we never married, but damn was I in love. That was 22 years ago. We dated for 4 years, had sex about 6 times a day and lived life so full of passion it could not be written into a novel. We could not keep our hads off each other for a minute. I think of her daily, like it or not. She is in my dreams and may have been the true lost love that got away. You're not wierd, normal, as sad as it may be in my opinion.
No, it's not normal to longing for a lost love 22 years later. You've just convinced yourself it's normal.

The rest of us had first loves too and moved on. Mine could be described as yours. The passion was intense but he would have made a lousy husband. We would have ended up divorced for sure. I missed the passion as I moved on to other relationships but, quickly, figured out I was doing myself no good holding him up as the standard. And it was a flawed standard. Passion without a workable relationship is useless. There's a reason we split up just like there's a reason you split up with your girl. I'd suggest you remember that and move on with your life. What good are you doing yourself hanging onto these feelings for someone long gone?

No, what's normal is to accept why the relationship failed and move on. Not pine for 22 years. How much of life would I have let slip through my fingers if I hadn't decided to move on and let the past stay in the past.
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Old 06-15-2008, 11:19 AM
 
Location: San Gabriel Valley, CA
12,128 posts, read 12,593,330 times
Reputation: 8081
Quote:
Originally Posted by travelmate38 View Post
They say you NEVER forget your first true love and it is 110% true. Not the second, not the fith, but the very first has a permanent, lasting impression in your brain and soul you can never errase. I still have vivid dreams so real I wake thinking they are real of my first lover. She would have made a terrible wife and I'm glad we never married, but damn was I in love. That was 22 years ago. We dated for 4 years, had sex about 6 times a day and lived life so full of passion it could not be written into a novel. We could not keep our hads off each other for a minute. I think of her daily, like it or not. She is in my dreams and may have been the true lost love that got away. You're not wierd, normal, as sad as it may be in my opinion.

Seriously??? What's wrong with me? I'm starting to really worry the more I read this thread. I never, and I mean never think of my first love nowadays. For the first probably 5 years I did think of him often, then once in a while. We went out from 25 years ago to about 22 years ago. But now? Honestly, if I think of him once a year, in connection with something that definitively reminds me of that time period in my life and therefore is obviously going to involve him, then it's a lot.

I really worry that maybe I have no emotions or something. All these people who have this "biggest love ever" feeling. I only had that feeling for a few years. Then I realized he definitely wasn't my "best" or even most endearing love. I don't get it.
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Old 06-15-2008, 12:12 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,844 posts, read 54,175,574 times
Reputation: 22785
Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ View Post
I really worry that maybe I have no emotions or something. All these people who have this "biggest love ever" feeling. I only had that feeling for a few years. Then I realized he definitely wasn't my "best" or even most endearing love. I don't get it.
You're fine! Count your blessings!
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Old 06-15-2008, 12:44 PM
 
659 posts, read 224,713 times
Reputation: 240
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
No, it's not normal to longing for a lost love 22 years later. You've just convinced yourself it's normal.

The rest of us had first loves too and moved on. Mine could be described as yours. The passion was intense but he would have made a lousy husband. We would have ended up divorced for sure. I missed the passion as I moved on to other relationships but, quickly, figured out I was doing myself no good holding him up as the standard. And it was a flawed standard. Passion without a workable relationship is useless. There's a reason we split up just like there's a reason you split up with your girl. I'd suggest you remember that and move on with your life. What good are you doing yourself hanging onto these feelings for someone long gone?

No, what's normal is to accept why the relationship failed and move on. Not pine for 22 years. How much of life would I have let slip through my fingers if I hadn't decided to move on and let the past stay in the past.

I never said I never got over her or even implied this. I said you will always remember and those experiences will remain vivid. I have had several intense relationships between my first and my last (now wife) I rarely, if ever recall any but the FIRST one. This was my point. I don't "long" for her, she is just in my mind often, without control. Do we control our dreams? No, we don't. I dream about her all the time, as stated, like it or not.

I think what you have found that worked for you is drowining raw emotion with pure logic allowing you to fully accept and move on past your first love. This worked for you, but may not for others. I'm telling you, one VERY vivid, intense dream and you will find yourself taking a few days to shake off that loving feeling again.

I'm not sitting here sulking about my lost love of 22 years ago. It's not like that. I'm happy with who I have now, but I also realize I will always recall my first love. I think this is natural.
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Old 06-15-2008, 01:27 PM
 
Location: Whoville....
22,111 posts, read 16,681,529 times
Reputation: 11614
Quote:
Originally Posted by travelmate38 View Post
I never said I never got over her or even implied this. I said you will always remember and those experiences will remain vivid. I have had several intense relationships between my first and my last (now wife) I rarely, if ever recall any but the FIRST one. This was my point. I don't "long" for her, she is just in my mind often, without control. Do we control our dreams? No, we don't. I dream about her all the time, as stated, like it or not.

I think what you have found that worked for you is drowining raw emotion with pure logic allowing you to fully accept and move on past your first love. This worked for you, but may not for others. I'm telling you, one VERY vivid, intense dream and you will find yourself taking a few days to shake off that loving feeling again.

I'm not sitting here sulking about my lost love of 22 years ago. It's not like that. I'm happy with who I have now, but I also realize I will always recall my first love. I think this is natural.
You were offering support for and saying the OP was "normal". He has stated he longs for Sarah, dreams about Sarah and looks her up on line. Since you were supporthing his stance, I made some assumptions.

Recalling is one thing. Fantasizing about is another.
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Old 06-16-2008, 01:14 PM
 
3,033 posts, read 6,087,834 times
Reputation: 780
Remembering fondly is one thing. Longing for is completely another. That's when comparisons and contrasts are made between the fantasy built up in one's mind and the reality in one's life and someone gets hurt.
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Old 06-16-2008, 01:47 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
4,739 posts, read 5,520,399 times
Reputation: 2915
We were running from the motel owner, had gone out for drinks and left a pot of spaghetti cooking on the burner, sure smoke from under the door is a bad sign, but we were young and the promise of a romp in the hay trumphs responsibility. In true 1970's tradition, cut me some slack....lol
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