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still thinking of her...you must have one very boring and dull life style.
I don't know that I'd go with boring, but dysfunctional at least. Pining for a lost love, 20 years later just isn't normal. At some point, adults usually learn to live in the here and now. To appreciate what they have rather than daydream about what could have been. Personally, I find it sad to have this life with another person but be pining all these years for another. That makes your entire life a settle for estate. Can't have what I really want so I'll settle for this wife, this life...Sad IMO. And sadder still, the wife that was settled for gets a settle for estate and doesn't even know it or why she got it. At least be honest an tell her you're really in love with someone else and let her choose if she wants to stay.
I'd want to know if my husband was pining for someone else.
I don't know that I'd go with boring, but dysfunctional at least. Pining for a lost love, 20 years later just isn't normal. At some point, adults usually learn to live in the here and now. To appreciate what they have rather than daydream about what could have been. Personally, I find it sad to have this life with another person but be pining all these years for another. That makes your entire life a settle for estate. Can't have what I really want so I'll settle for this wife, this life...Sad IMO. And sadder still, the wife that was settled for gets a settle for estate and doesn't even know it or why she got it. At least be honest an tell her you're really in love with someone else and let her choose if she wants to stay.
I don't know that I'd go with boring, but dysfunctional at least. Pining for a lost love, 20 years later just isn't normal. At some point, adults usually learn to live in the here and now. To appreciate what they have rather than daydream about what could have been. Personally, I find it sad to have this life with another person but be pining all these years for another. That makes your entire life a settle for estate. Can't have what I really want so I'll settle for this wife, this life...Sad IMO. And sadder still, the wife that was settled for gets a settle for estate and doesn't even know it or why she got it. At least be honest an tell her you're really in love with someone else and let her choose if she wants to stay.
I'd want to know if my husband was pining for someone else.
I completely disagree. No good could come from him sharing this info with his wife, except possibly in a theraputic setting with a counselor - and really, I'm not sure even then it would be helpful. He does love his wife, he has children he is responsible for and to - there is no reason to risk any of the stability his life has now just to "be honest" with his wife. All it would do is hurt her! In fact, telling her this would be a very selfish thing to do. He is not "in love" with Sarah but rather in love with the memory of her - he certainly seems to understand the difference. In any case, he doesn't want to lose his family, he is only sharing the thoughts and longings he is haunted by. Better to share that here with strangers than to ever mention it to his wife. My guess is that doing that here has given him a chance to get some of this off his chest and gain some real perspective.
I don't know that I'd go with boring, but dysfunctional at least. Pining for a lost love, 20 years later just isn't normal. At some point, adults usually learn to live in the here and now. To appreciate what they have rather than daydream about what could have been. Personally, I find it sad to have this life with another person but be pining all these years for another. That makes your entire life a settle for estate. Can't have what I really want so I'll settle for this wife, this life...Sad IMO. And sadder still, the wife that was settled for gets a settle for estate and doesn't even know it or why she got it. At least be honest an tell her you're really in love with someone else and let her choose if she wants to stay.
I'd want to know if my husband was pining for someone else.
Absolutely not! First, I don't think it's unusual for a person to remember a lost love.... many people do it all the time. Now, as to what extreme that is carried is what varies. To tell his wife he thinks of an old love? That would be crazy, rash, destructive, and uncalled for.
I completely disagree. No good could come from him sharing this info with his wife, except possibly in a theraputic setting with a counselor - and really, I'm not sure even then it would be helpful. He does love his wife, he has children he is responsible for and to - there is no reason to risk any of the stability his life has now just to "be honest" with his wife. All it would do is hurt her! In fact, telling her this would be a very selfish thing to do. He is not "in love" with Sarah but rather in love with the memory of her - he certainly seems to understand the difference. In any case, he doesn't want to lose his family, he is only sharing the thoughts and longings he is haunted by. Better to share that here with strangers than to ever mention it to his wife. My guess is that doing that here has given him a chance to get some of this off his chest and gain some real perspective.
You think hiding this from her and pining for a lost love is better for her? I have to disagree on that one. If he's in love with someone else and she's just the one he settled for, she deserves to be respected enough to be told that.
I have to give my ex credit there. He made no bones about being in love with Jackie. He just never expected to get the chance to get back with her. When he did, he was gone. He tried to come back after that but I was done.
Absolutely not! First, I don't think it's unusual for a person to remember a lost love.... many people do it all the time. Now, as to what extreme that is carried is what varies. To tell his wife he thinks of an old love? That would be crazy, rash, destructive, and uncalled for.
Yeah, and they surf the web looking for them and trying to find details of their lives. There is a difference between fond memories of bygone times and carrying a torch. This guy is carrying a torch.
You think hiding this from her and pining for a lost love is better for her? I have to disagree on that one. If he's in love with someone else and she's just the one he settled for, she deserves to be respected enough to be told that.
I have to give my ex credit there. He made no bones about being in love with Jackie. He just never expected to get the chance to get back with her. When he did, he was gone. He tried to come back after that but I was done.
Ivory, your own personal experience has completely colored your ability to be objective on this subject, as usual.
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