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I have been having a funny experience over the few weeks....
TL;DR: met a guy at a party, spent 2+ years texting small talk, now trying to escalate to dating.
So a few years ago I met a guy at a party - we exchanged info, and the next day he texted me and was like "oh hey, I am new to the area and I am looking for new friends, only."
I told him I was fine with being friends. We went on a friendly movie date a few weeks later. There was nothing there, nothing happened, it was legit friendly.
After that I got added to the good morning text list. Every day. This guy was also an aspiring comedian, and he sent me his comedy videos. I mostly ignored the texts, haphazardly responding. Eventually I fell off the daily list into the occasional monthly pulse checks.
Once in a while he actually asks questions, and I reply to those. Or I send over a meme/article. Probably monthly texts. But we are not close or friends. This is a loose acquaintance.
One day, out of the blue, he asks me if I like an r&b singer (well-known for explicit lyrics). I said yes, and he asks if I wanted to go to a concert with him and then have sex after. (this is basically verbatim) I was a bit puzzled and made a joke about one of her songs and said I have seen her enough times. He was JUST KIDDING.
I thought that was a really bold escalation. Then he stops texting me.
At some point he text me to let me know he was moving back to his east coast hometown (a little before the pandemic).
I had been following him on IG, and once in a blue moon he shows up in my feed over the past 18 months or whatever, and I see photos that look like a girlfriend - taking trips, etc.
And I some point I get added back to the frequent weekly text list. And he reaches out to let me know he plans to be bicoastal. ~shrug~
So a few months ago he randomly reaches out, making small talk, checking in on pandemic life. And out of the blue he asks if I want to go out with him. I was like you mean hang out if you are in town? And he replies he wants to go on a date.
I was non-committal. And suddenly he sends a voicemail about all the lost time we could have been getting to know each other and dating blah blah blah. That seemed a little weird to me. But I brushed it off.
And now we are caught up to now - he texts me to let me know when he will be in town, his detailed travel schedule and when he is free to go out. And suddenly he is sending me photos of his meals, sending voice messages, trying to make small talk.... He is really trying to make something happen for his visit. I guess his girlfriend broke up with him. Or he is trying to have girlfriends on all coasts.
I partially want to say yes, because I am very curious what game he is playing.
His nurturing was very diligent. The other ones I have experiences were way more direct, and low effort. This guy kept up the nurturing for like 3 years.
If I had to guess, I think he originally intended to be just friends with you originally because he was new to the area and he legitimately just wanted to have some actual friends. So I don't think the first 2 years was some elaborate masterplan to manipulate into becoming his girlfriend or fwb or whatever at least not initially.
The escalation out of the blue was him being horny/ you being in his general proximity when that was occuring/perhaps you said something in one of your text exchanges that made him think you might be up for a little something something/him thinking well she is kind of cute, let's see where this goes.
You haven't said no, and you are here possibly thinking about saying yes to going out with him, so I want to point out that his dating instincts here aren't totally off either.
If I had to guess, I think he originally intended to be just friends with you originally because he was new to the area and he legitimately just wanted to have some actual friends. So I don't think the first 2 years was some elaborate masterplan to manipulate into becoming his girlfriend or fwb or whatever at least not initially.
The escalation out of the blue was him being horny/ you being in his general proximity when that was occuring/perhaps you said something in one of your text exchanges that made him think you might be up for a little something something/him thinking well she is kind of cute, let's see where this goes.
You haven't said no, and you are here possibly thinking about saying yes to going out with him, so I want to point out that his dating instincts here aren't totally off either.
yep, at different points in my life I have been on both ends of this, and I think you are correct, if he was just playing the long game there would have been flirting of testing the water from time to time, but when it's all of a sudden like this it's usually a change in feelings or how he views her.
yep, at different points in my life I have been on both ends of this, and I think you are correct, if he was just playing the long game there would have been flirting of testing the water from time to time, but when it's all of a sudden like this it's usually a change in feelings or how he views her.
Yeah, I remember posting about a woman that was sh*t testing a guy friend (or that was posing as a friend according to her), mentioning a guy she was seeing , that her "friend" just disappeared from her life after that. Apparently, she saw it as a betrayal for some reason. :P
Ofc ourse, she wasj ust looking for sympathy on Twitter, so...
"Good morning text list" "monthly pulse check" man I'm getting old. lol
I can only guess here but perhaps this sort of social organization is meant at least partially to help keep potential future hook ups in the loop. There's a discussion in another thread about awkward cold approaches, maybe this is a way of getting around that? No need to meet new people when you can just trawl your good morning and monthly pulse check lists for opportunities, and when you do meet someone new there's no pressure, you just put them on one of your lists and save them for later.
"Good morning text list" "monthly pulse check" man I'm getting old. lol
I can only guess here but perhaps this sort of social organization is meant at least partially to help keep potential future hook ups in the loop. There's a discussion in another thread about awkward cold approaches, maybe this is a way of getting around that? No need to meet new people when you can just trawl your good morning and monthly pulse check lists for opportunities, and when you do meet someone new there's no pressure, you just put them on one of your lists and save them for later.
I really think that people are doing this. There must be an app for this. It must take a lot of time.
What matters is that you want to or don't want to put aside time to hang out with him.
As a middle age man, it seems like a lot of effort to go through to get just sex. Which usually sucks the first time anyway.
It's cool that you can meet people like you do in middle age though. I don't even get weekly texts from my good friends. Takes a lot of effort when you get older.
If I had to guess, I think he originally intended to be just friends with you originally because he was new to the area and he legitimately just wanted to have some actual friends. So I don't think the first 2 years was some elaborate masterplan to manipulate into becoming his girlfriend or fwb or whatever at least not initially.
The escalation out of the blue was him being horny/ you being in his general proximity when that was occuring/perhaps you said something in one of your text exchanges that made him think you might be up for a little something something/him thinking well she is kind of cute, let's see where this goes.
You haven't said no, and you are here possibly thinking about saying yes to going out with him, so I want to point out that his dating instincts here aren't totally off either.
One day, out of the blue, he asks me if I like an r&b singer (well-known for explicit lyrics). I said yes, and he asks if I wanted to go to a concert with him and then have sex after. (this is basically verbatim) I was a bit puzzled and made a joke about one of her songs and said I have seen her enough times. He was JUST KIDDING.
He was not just kidding. He was trying to see if you were into a one-nighter with him. If you had said sure, he probably would have taken you up on it.
As he now lives far away and would only see you when he's in town, I think it is just more of the same. He is looking to have a one-nighter and he is laying it on thick to get it.
I can almost guarantee that if you sleep with him, you will never hear from him again.
I would not bother with him.
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