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View Poll Results: What should happen in the relationship?
Choose Wife and forget kids? 8 21.05%
Choose kids and hurt wife for rest of life? 7 18.42%
Choose kids and wife leaves relationship? 25 65.79%
Choose wife and go behind her back and contact kids? 1 2.63%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 38. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 06-12-2008, 06:25 PM
 
8 posts, read 32,508 times
Reputation: 14
Red face Choosing between new wife and kids...

How does one choose really? It depends on the situation right? Does the new wife with no kids don't need a real chance for the relationship? And should she be the one to sacrifice all the time for fathers and kids to be together? Is that the right thing? Especially if the ex wife is jealous , hateful and still in love with the ex? Causing problems and don't want the new wife anywhere close to her kids? Should there be a choice? Should the wife demand that attention be placed on her and her alone? Or should she sacrifice, humbel herself... and give in? The husband had a choice and left the family. So why she must be the one to sacrifice for his errors?
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Old 06-12-2008, 06:31 PM
 
Location: Eastern NC
12,808 posts, read 8,020,007 times
Reputation: 10248
Not sure what you are asking. Please rephrase.
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Old 06-12-2008, 06:33 PM
 
Location: Beautiful Kentucky
820 posts, read 1,864,121 times
Reputation: 514
I don't think I understand what you're saying either. However, I'll say that kids should never "loose". They're always number one as far as I'm concerned.
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Old 06-12-2008, 07:02 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
15,366 posts, read 14,254,600 times
Reputation: 21718
There should not have to be a choice. If you marry someone with kids, then deal with it before saying, "I do."
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Old 06-12-2008, 07:02 PM
Status: "Desperately searching for the grading fairy...." (set 4 days ago)
 
Location: Whoville....
21,911 posts, read 16,215,477 times
Reputation: 11478
I'll second that kids should never lose out to a new wife. I assume she knew the situation she was marrying into.

She's not sacrificing for his errors, she's living up to the bargain she made when she married him. The children need to come first. The adults in the situation are the ones who signed up for whatever has to be done to see to that.
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Old 06-13-2008, 02:32 AM
 
Location: Laguna Hills, CA
172 posts, read 547,186 times
Reputation: 146
The children are the priority and if the new wife doesn't understand that then she is not marriage material in the first place. A reasonable amount of time and affection should be given to the new wife, however the children are his main priority. I assume this is what you are asking because the post is not quite clear (not trying to be rude). Also, the children should not be considered errors, they are a part of his family.
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Old 06-13-2008, 06:29 AM
 
3,490 posts, read 5,045,537 times
Reputation: 3856
If you marry someone with children, then you are accepting them as part of the package. This includes working to keep a civil relationship with the children's Mother so that visitations can be worked out with the minimum of fuss.

I read your post (which isn't clear), that you are the wife of a man with children from a prior relationship. You don't get on with the former wife and are now looking for support from us so that you can go to your husband and demand that he stop seeing his children.

I hope I am wrong, but if that is the case, then people like you make me sick.

Their Mother may be awful, but that is NOT THE CHILDREN'S FAULT!!!! If you deny their Father a relationship with his own kids he will resent you for the rest of his life.

I think you should either grow up and accept the responsibilities you took on when you said "I do", or leave the relationship before you damage these young souls forever.

Sorry to be harsh, but having grown up in a step family situation myself, it saddens and disappoints me when the adults behave like spoiled, entitled children, and it's the kids who pay the price.
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Old 06-13-2008, 06:43 AM
 
Location: WV
617 posts, read 1,432,578 times
Reputation: 401
I'm with Hobokenkitchen except for one thing. This line from the OP:

Quote:
Causing problems and don't want the new wife anywhere close to her kids?
Seems the ex-wife is overstepping her bounds. Unless the new wife is somehow unfit (which should be determined by a judge, not the ex-wife) the new wife ought to be a part of the kids' life with the father. The ex-wife does not have the right to dictate who the father marries or has in his home.

This lady's husband needs to stand up to his ex and tell her that the kids are coming to his home for their visitation. And if there is no court determined visitation, then the father and his new wife need to pinch pennies any way they can so they can hire an attorney to secure his visitation rights.
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Old 06-13-2008, 06:50 AM
 
Location: NY & Fl
10,964 posts, read 7,569,248 times
Reputation: 8947
You're the new woman....ex doesn't want you to be around her kids so husband is spending all his free time with kids and you're being left alone?
Is that the right translation of your post?
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Old 06-13-2008, 07:21 AM
 
Location: N of citrus, S of decent corn
16,546 posts, read 19,163,588 times
Reputation: 25170
You had your kids and they come first. If you can't fit a new woman into your children's lives in a way that adds to their lives in a positive way, then forget it.
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