Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 08-09-2008, 09:35 PM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,386 posts, read 35,427,335 times
Reputation: 14692

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by vukinjo View Post
Just like you said not every couple who stays together for the kids will constantly fight...not every divorced situation will be horrible like you describe.
I didn't say they were horrible, however, statistics support divorce is bad for kids. There's just nothing good about it for them and mom and dad often date and remarry after a divorce which is even worse for them because they've already suffered a loss in time with parents and the new spouse and siblings take up much of their parents time.

Childen of divorce have to split their time between parents and then split the time they have with each parent with new spouses and half siblings. That USUALLY happens. At least he new spouse part. New siblings happen frequently too. The end result is very little time with parents for the children of the first marriage.

Children automatically lose time with each parent in a divorce (or with one if that parent just leaves). It is much better for them if their parents don't date and remarry because dating and remarriage cuts into the limited time they do have with each parent but most people I know go on to date and often remarry after a divorce with no regard for what that does to the kids.

Now there are some marriages that are horrible and as bad as divorce is it's the lesser of the evils but those don't usually make amicable divorces. Most divorces I've seen were the result of two selfish people who would rather put their kids through hell, justify it as the kids needing to see their parents happy because they were too selfish to see anyone's needs over their want for a new partner because they'd tired of the old one.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 08-09-2008, 09:49 PM
 
Location: just this side of crazy.
29 posts, read 112,497 times
Reputation: 22
I think staying married "for the kids" is SUCH a waste of time! It's phony, and fake, and sets a terriable example for those children. My dad stayed with my mom "for us". *insert eye-roll here* We knew that their marriage totally sucked, there was cheating, arguing - it was rocky. They weren't fooling anyone but themselves. Now, after 40 years of marriage they got divorced earlier this summer. My mother is still enraged that he wasted such a huge chunk of her life. She stayed because she loved him, but now he claims that he never loved her.
I would never stay in a marriage "for the kids". I divorced my ex-husband because it wasn't working out and I have no regrets, and my kid is no worse for the wear, in fact he is better off. My husband has legally adopted my son. My son feels happy and secure in our family. Ditto for my current husband - he was miserable with his ex-wife, and tells me that he agonized over the decision due to his child, but in the end he felt that he would be a better parent if he weren't so miserable. Now his child has two re-married parents who are MUCH happier with their mates and she has two places she can call home. Conversly, I know men who are staying in their very unhappy marriages because it is "cheaper to keep her". Ugh - whatever.
In short, I think it is a huge mistake to stay married "for the kids".
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-09-2008, 09:52 PM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,386 posts, read 35,427,335 times
Reputation: 14692
Quote:
Originally Posted by Snowflake0108 View Post
I think staying married "for the kids" is SUCH a waste of time! It's phony, and fake, and sets a terriable example for those children. My dad stayed with my mom "for us". *insert eye-roll here* We knew that their marriage totally sucked, there was cheating, arguing - it was rocky. They weren't fooling anyone but themselves. Now, after 40 years of marriage they got divorced earlier this summer. My mother is still enraged that he wasted such a huge chunk of her life. She stayed because she loved him, but now he claims that he never loved her.
I would never stay in a marriage "for the kids". I divorced my ex-husband because it wasn't working out and I have no regrets, and my kid is no worse for the wear. Ditto for my current husband - he was miserable with his ex-wife, and tells me that he agonized over the decision due to his child, but in the end he felt that he would be a better parent if he weren't so miserable. Now his child has two re-married parents who are MUCH happier with their mates and she has two places she can call home. Conversly, I know men who are staying in their very unhappy marriages because it is "cheaper to keep her". Ugh - whatever.
In short, I think it is a huge mistake to stay married "for the kids".
Staying together for the kids doesn't, automatically, come with cheating and arguing. It's not the fact that they stayed together for the kids that's the problem here. It's that there was cheating and arguing going on. That was their choice. Divorce isn't the only way to avoid cheating and arguing. You can choose to not cheat and not argue WHILE staying together for the kids.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Similar Threads

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top