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I think the counselor thinks (1) that I'm afraid of being alone and (2) that I have emotional damage from previous relationships and my childhood, and I'm not sure if she's right or not. I really love being alone most of the time, for one thing. So she's telling me that even if I met the love of my life right now, I wouldn't be "ready" for him because I haven't worked through all these old issues. I have to admit that I had to really think about this to try to understand if I had all that much "baggage" or if I'm just having a compatibility problem. I originally started seeing her several months ago to try to deal with "dating a widower" issues and to figure out if I was too picky or just bored, but I've gotten stuck in this limbo week after week, where she's telling me to "try different things" with this guy and saying "Your friends and family will like him if you talk him up", etc. I think she thinks I need a Steady Eddie kind of guy... and I keep searching to see if she might be right about that.... but my instincts are telling me that this Steady Eddie is nice, but not interesting enough, for me.
This is not the guy for you. He's boring, your friends don't like him, he's stuck in the routines of the past, and he has no interests. He doesn't even sound like good friend material to me. If your friend told you what you've told us wouldn't you tell your friend to move on? I think you would. Do not sell yourself short - you deserve more than this from a relationship. I'm sorry he's a widower, but that's not your problem.
You sound like a really nice person and nice people get stuck a lot because they are nice, they don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, and they give everyone a chance. I used to be this way too and I really got taken advantage of until I learned to say no and take care of myself. The most important thing you should learn is: Do not date charity cases.You deserve better, don't waste your time. When you find someone who you enjoy spending time with, who interests you, who offers more than stability, then it'd be worth your time and effort. Your instincts are right, your counselor is wrong. Trust yourself and you'll do fine.
If he is boring now just realize that at this stage he is probably putting his best foot forward and it will go downhill from here...
I would say my husband is boring and I'm the active, adventuresome one. I have learned to just go and do by myself but that gets old sometimes. We have counseled and she suggested we find some "new" interests that would bring us together but he really doesn't want to explore any. So we golf once in awhile and go out to eat. The rest of the time we do our own thing.
People are pretty much, especailly at this age, who they are going to be. If he is trying to be more "interesting" than it is sad that it takes effort for him to be that way...that won't last.
Enjoy the friendship as it is. It should be a big red flag if your family doesn't like him. Do they say why?
...but I've gotten stuck in this limbo week after week, where she's telling me to "try different things" with this guy and saying "Your friends and family will like him if you talk him up", etc. I think she thinks I need a Steady Eddie kind of guy... and I keep searching to see if she might be right...
A therapist shouldn't be telling her client what to do. The therapist should be exploring ideas with you that YOU will eventually make decisions about. Giving advice defeats the whole purpose of therapy. If what you needed was advice, you could just ask your friends.
As others have said, trust your instincts. From everything that you've mentioned, it sounds as if this man is not for you.
nice guys are boring.
bad boys are exciting. turn you into a 60 year old bunout loser, but exciting.
No. Nice guys are NOT boring. My boyfriend is an extremely nice conservative guy, but he's very smart so we have much to talk about. And we have a lot of good times together without needing to get drunk or doing the other stuff that bad boys are known for.
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