Asian Relationships (movies, how to, girls, Chinese)

[Prinny]

For me, growing up in a biracial family caused me the most misery and pain. I was subjected to ridicule because my skin was too fair and yet my mind was accustomed to the Japanese way of thinking.

Now, the men in my family, where the "Momma's Boy" comes from. Men get catered to in the society as a whole. It's just the way it is. Meals get served first, their opinions mean more, even if they are wrong, and what they want seems to matter more.

Therefore, it caused my sister and I more pain than I can possibly descibe and although I'm in no way saying this goes on in all Japanese families, I grew up in the absolute worst abuse! So abusive that I don't want anything to do with my family nor my sister. Why? Our mother did nothing to protect us. The Japanese thinking of shame and not telling people or talking about it. Protecting the female should be of most important, or any child for that matter, not just letting the male be justified. How often do Japanese women come out and say, my family member abused another family member? Yet you know it happens.

So cater to the males in the family and what happens?

Yes, I do have a bitter taste in me for any Momma's Boys from my experience.

There are I'm sure some very nice Asian males and becasue of my experience I've totally stayed as far away becasue of the way my life has been. Sad thing is as I gew up and became adult, they want to be a part of your life and it's too late.

Sorry if I've offended any Asian males! My own experiences the way I grew up were just awful and I'm sure some of you are just delightful gentlemen w/ wonderful mothers!

[SmerkyGrl]

Originally Posted by Prinny

For me, growing up in a biracial family caused me the most misery and pain. I was subjected to ridicule because my skin was too fair and yet my mind was accustomed to the Japanese way of thinking.

Now, the men in my family, where the "Momma's Boy" comes from. Men get catered to in the society as a whole. It's just the way it is. Meals get served first, their opinions mean more, even if they are wrong, and what they want seems to matter more.

Therefore, it caused my sister and I more pain than I can possibly descibe and although I'm in no way saying this goes on in all Japanese families, I grew up in the absolute worst abuse! So abusive that I don't want anything to do with my family nor my sister. Why? Our mother did nothing to protect us. The Japanese thinking of shame and not telling people or talking about it. Protecting the female should be of most important, or any child for that matter, not just letting the male be justified. How often do Japanese women come out and say, my family member abused another family member? Yet you know it happens.

So cater to the males in the family and what happens?

Yes, I do have a bitter taste in me for any Momma's Boys from my experience.

There are I'm sure some very nice Asian males and becasue of my experience I've totally stayed as far away becasue of the way my life has been. Sad thing is as I gew up and became adult, they want to be a part of your life and it's too late.

Sorry if I've offended any Asian males! My own experiences the way I grew up were just awful and I'm sure some of you are just delightful gentlemen w/ wonderful mothers!

Don't blame you. My experiences with Asian males (Korean/Japanese/Chinese, mostly) have been similar with your's and I'm Chinese. It could explain why I am totally not attracted to Asians in general. Too many bad experiences :/

[miu]

I'm Chinese and I'm just not attracted to Asians. And yes, in Chinese society, the men come first and I'm not into that. My white boyfriends have always treated me as an equal and that makes me happy. In the last five years, my boyfriend has been friends with a Chinese American guy and two Korean guys. The Korean men seem worse in terms of wanting their girlfriends to listen to them. One had a Hispanic girlfriend that lived with him for ten years before she got fed up with his bs. The other Korean wanted a woman that was hot looking but would dress frumpy out in public so as not to attract any other men. He's still looking for a girlfriend. The Chinese guy feels that his mom's parents don't treat him as well as the grandsons of his uncles, that there is favoritism towards his cousins that carry his mom's family's name. Anyway, there can be weird family dramas going on in Asian families and I don't want any part of it. Plus I don't want to have any kids.

[nl2134]

Oh well, it's too bad. Any second generation doesn't believe in those values as strongly anymore, and I don't think people can look past that. That's why I'm totally suck in the middle of everything. Oh well...that's life. Can't say much else.

[Casual Guy]

At the risk of breaking my neck, I would jump to the conclusion that you may be referring to sexual abuse by a sibling. I hope I am wrong, but if not, then I'm sorry. It shouldn't happen in any family, regardless of ethnicity... but it does happen and cultural sensitivities and stigmas must be overcome to protect the vulnerable.

[Casual Guy]

You're funny, but it sounds like you've got a defeatist approach to life. Embrace the blend that you (appear) to have mate!!!

[Casual Guy]

I'm an Asian guy and I dont want any kids either. Not all Asian families expect their kids to have kids. Not all Asian men expect to be the head of the household. Not all Asian men are treated like kings by their parents (mum or dad), and not all Asian families' male members are favoured, or whose opinions matter more.

There appears to be a lot of self-hating in this thread. It's sad. Why cant you just accept that that what happened in your family, or what behaviours or values that were demonstrated is just family specific? Instead, it seems like people are happy to super-impose it to a race thing. That, to me, seems racist. And yes, you can be a racist about your own race.

[SmerkyGrl]

Originally Posted by Casual Guy

I'm an Asian guy and I dont want any kids either. Not all Asian families expect their kids to have kids. Not all Asian men expect to be the head of the household. Not all Asian men are treated like kings by their parents (mum or dad), and not all Asian families' male members are favoured, or whose opinions matter more.

There appears to be a lot of self-hating in this thread. It's sad. Why cant you just accept that that what happened in your family, or what behaviours or values that were demonstrated is just family specific? Instead, it seems like people are happy to super-impose it to a race thing. That, to me, seems racist. And yes, you can be a racist about your own race.

We've made it clear several times that we are merely speaking about our own experiences and that there are probably very nice Asian guys out there (whom none of us have met). Its not sad. Its just observation. Its not a race thing, its a culture thing.

[sevenofsix]

Originally Posted by Casual Guy

I'm an Asian guy and I dont want any kids either. Not all Asian families expect their kids to have kids. Not all Asian men expect to be the head of the household. Not all Asian men are treated like kings by their parents (mum or dad), and not all Asian families' male members are favoured, or whose opinions matter more.

There appears to be a lot of self-hating in this thread. It's sad. Why cant you just accept that that what happened in your family, or what behaviours or values that were demonstrated is just family specific? Instead, it seems like people are happy to super-impose it to a race thing. That, to me, seems racist. And yes, you can be a racist about your own race.

it's a lost cause, I wouldn't even bother

[miu]

Originally Posted by Casual Guy

I'm an Asian guy and I dont want any kids either. Not all Asian families expect their kids to have kids. Not all Asian men expect to be the head of the household. Not all Asian men are treated like kings by their parents (mum or dad), and not all Asian families' male members are favoured, or whose opinions matter more.

There appears to be a lot of self-hating in this thread. It's sad. Why cant you just accept that that what happened in your family, or what behaviours or values that were demonstrated is just family specific? Instead, it seems like people are happy to super-impose it to a race thing. That, to me, seems racist. And yes, you can be a racist about your own race.

SmerkyGrl is right. It's not self hatred, but more that the Asian men that we've encountered in our lives are not appealing to us. I'm not avoiding Asian men, I'm just going about my daily business for years, even decades and I've not met any Asians that I wanted to date nor have wanted to date me. I really don't think that my personality and smarts would appeal to most men anyway.... and that's okay with me. I'm not a woman that needs to have hordes of suitors around her in order to boost her self esteem. I'm not big on dressing up to go grocery shopping, I only put on the warpaint for special events. I really am happy with having just one love in my love at a time.

Anyway, since I've last posted, my boyfriend's 29 year old Chinese friend has been spouting out a lot of nonsense and pissing my boyfriend off. First he made a comment about a female cousin marrying a white guy and how she could have done better and married a really dope Chinese guy instead (no specific one in mind). Then he was talking about a white girl that he's developing feelings for, but he's concerned about white people having no morals and how she might not be a good mother to his future kids. Also he thinks that having kids that are half white will also lead to some lack of morals on their part. Meanwhile, since he's grown up in the city, he's really into urban culture. He tags buildings because otherwise they'd be plain boring boxes. He steals the paint for tagging because that's the way it's done. There are other things, but my white boyfriend is a saint compared to him. And when my boyfriend tried to defend how moral he was, this guy said that morals rubbed off on him by being with me. LOL!! Then my boyfriend was trying to listen to NPR on the radio and this guy was singing rap songs at the same time which interfered with being able to hear the radio. This is the same guy that thinks his mom's family doesn't treat him well because he isn't descended from male lineage and doesn't have the family name.

They've been friends for about four years, but in the last year this friend hasn't worked a regular job, he's been smoking a lot of pot and drinking. And I think that he's bothered by turning 30 soon, plus his own dad who has been divorced from his mom for years hasn't been much of a father to him. So he's been overthinking a lot of personal issues. But it's disturbing that he's got so many little prejudices floating around in his head. And I know that he likes my boyfriend.