Asian Relationships (dates, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend)

[me_myself_and_i]

I am in a relationship with an asian male. I am a white girl. We seem to be having a lot of issues. He was raised in strict chinese family (CA) and I didn't have much parenting growing up. I have always been independent and learned how to do everything on my own. I have been married twice and have a daughter. Can anyone give me some insight on the asian or chinese culture so that I might be able to find a way to keep the relationship together?

[SmerkyGrl]

Conservative, traditional, and understanding the family hierarchy is a good way to start. That's a generalization, of course. It also depends on what kind of Asian he is. The South Asians tend to be a bit less traditional but the Chinese, Japanese, and Korean tend to be more conservative. Ask him to teach you specifically what his family's "traditions" are and if you decide you can live with them, you'll be on your way to building a good relationship. One thing to keep in mind though---the Asian culture is a very dominant one. Be prepared for that.

[songinthewind7]

The only thing I can add is good luck dealing with his parents, especially his mother; whom more than likely wants her son to be with a Chinese girl that's not been married before.

[miu]

Always be respectful of his mother and act like a sensible well behaved woman. Always be polite and defer to her. With Asians, the social rankings within families are based on their age. My boyfriend is white and his mother treats me more like family and close friend. But my mom would never be that friendly and my boyfriend knows that when he meets my parents, he will have to act much more respectfully and formally towards them.

I also find Asian men to be a bit male chauvinistic. I think that by your actions, you will need to prove to your boyfriend that you are the perfect woman for him. The Asian guys I know seem to want a woman that is desired by other men yet not a flirt and who acts demure. They really want a girlfriend that their friends will envy them for. And they also want a woman that they can trust to run a household the way they want. Once you have this trust, then they seem to relax and let their woman be more bossy to them. It's like they are looking for a younger version of their mom to marry. Also it helps if you can cook the Asian dishes they like to eat.

Otherwise, it seems that if you are having some problems keeping the peace and the relationship running smoothly, I wouldn't advise getting marrying him and raising a family together. But if your thoughts are leaning that way, then live with him first before tying the knot. Other factors will be if the two of you can get along in terms of money matters.

[mspiggy007]

I'm from South East Asia and I agree that Asian males tend to be dominant. You gotta show lots of respect to his family especially the mom because she will be likely to have a say on a lot of things. It really is up to the man. If he dates a white girl, who had two divorces a a kid, it's likely that he is pretty open-minded and maybe not too conservative. Ask him about your concern, if he loves you enough, he will definitely tell you the expectations not only from his family, but also from himself.

[shoghi]

I have spent a lot of time in the Far East. I much prefer Asian girls over their Western counterparts.

The Fundamental Truism is this: "You do not marry an Asian girl. You marry her family." You are joining a corporation, All For One, that sort of mentality. Get used to CONSTANT requests for whatever services you provide that the Corporation needs. For instance, a dentist will wind up fixing the entire Corporation's teeth for free. An IT type will resolve all computer issues, gratis. No services on your end? There is always a second cousin who needs $1000 tonight otherwise his gifted son will lose his scholarship.

Thai girls-- perhaps can be generalized, certainly similar to Philipinas-- have a ranking system.

(1) Children
(2) Parents
(3) Other family
(4) Husband

Finally, theirs is a male-dominated society. You cannot change it. Ever read the stories of, for instance, British girls who followed their Middle Eastern husbands back to the Old Country? To discover life as Wife #4 leaves something to be desired. The point is, be supremely aware of cultural issues prior to any irreversible acts.

My $0.02. Good luck on your relationship.

[MonaLisaVito]

All of this sounds like too much work. What good is it to be in a relationship if you can't be yourself.

[Chowhound]

Originally Posted by MonaLisaVito

All of this sounds like too much work. What good is it to be in a relationship if you can't be yourself.

That what I was thinking. Life is too short to try to conform too much to a different culture. I'd be like f it.

[SmerkyGrl]

Originally Posted by MonaLisaVito

All of this sounds like too much work. What good is it to be in a relationship if you can't be yourself.

Different cultures, different standards. Some people can hack it, others can't. I guess when it comes to relationships, it really depends on the person.

[Chowhound]

Originally Posted by SmerkyGrl

Different cultures, different standards. Some people can hack it, others can't. I guess when it comes to relationships, it really depends on the person.

Wise words.