Sexuality and attraction... (guys, love, young, kissing)

[FlourChild]

Originally Posted by hollygolightly

My best male friend is gay, and according to him straight guys flirt with him all the time. Flirting not always with words, either; sometimes doing such things as his "hot" neighbor taking off his shirt, flexing for him before mowing the lawn or some such scenario.

In some instances, I think the straight guy just likes the attention, whether it's from a male or a female, reaffirming his attractiveness.

At other times (from situations described to me), it definitely sounds like the straight guy is actually the bi-curious guy. Either way, sexuality and attraction are fluid and ever-changing, so I can see how a person might realize at a certain point in their life that they want to experiment, to try something new. Nothing wrong with that.

Also, hard-core flirts tend to flirt in every aspect of their lives; when the high-powered salesperson is schmoozing his or her clients, there is quite a bit of flirting going on in a sense, whether they are of the same or opposite sex.

Your insights make a lot of sense, here, especially about the need for attention and the "habit" of flirting. It's probably hard NOT to flirt with someone whom you are confident will find you attractive, no matter the gender. That doesn't guarantee they DO find you attractive, but the relevant factor is (I guess) the flirter's belief that they do.

[Reads2MUCH]

Originally Posted by nodixieforme

Straight men flirt with me. Are there any other gay men who have/are experiencing this? I don't know how to interpret it.

Do you think people, in general, are naturally attracted to and oriented towards other attractive people, regardless of sexuality? I don't mean sexual attraction, which is completely different, but drawn towards others we perceive as good-looking?

I think what you may well have experienced is the overzealous ego of some young, attractive men. Even if they weren't exactly attracted to you, it was probably still a challenge to them to see if you thought they were good looking. I have noticed similar actions from some women I have known in my life. They can have absolutely no intention of hooking up with a guy/girl, but they kinda get off on knowing that other person wants them. Just a possibility mind you, they may have genuinely been attracted to you. I can't really speak for them. This has just been my experience.

[nitokenshi]

Originally Posted by jmarquise

I think if you can't admit someone is an attractive person, then you are probably gay and just trying to fight it!

Many people think in terms of sexual attraction. Thing is you can find someone attractive and not want to sexile them.

[artsyguy]

Yes. very true in my case. If it isn't looks, then it is personality. I am not drawn to people that are not similar to me.

Originally Posted by nodixieforme

Straight men flirt with me. Are there any other gay men who have/are experiencing this? I don't know how to interpret it.

Do you think people, in general, are naturally attracted to and oriented towards other attractive people, regardless of sexuality? I don't mean sexual attraction, which is completely different, but drawn towards others we perceive as good-looking?

[jimboburnsy]

Originally Posted by nitokenshi

there were a lot of birth defects going around during the roman empire then.

My opinion: Everybody is bi it is just more acceptable in western culture for women to show it then men

So wrong. Homosexual proclivity absolutely must be a genetic pre-disposition. Forget about nurture over nature, I could no more willfully engage in sexual congress with another man than I could willfully take a deep breath underwater. My body, independently of my mind, protests the possibility to the point of making it physically impossible.

[nodixieforme]

Originally Posted by Reads2MUCH

I think what you may well have experienced is the overzealous ego of some young, attractive men. Even if they weren't exactly attracted to you, it was probably still a challenge to them to see if you thought they were good looking. I have noticed similar actions from some women I have known in my life. They can have absolutely no intention of hooking up with a guy/girl, but they kinda get off on knowing that other person wants them. Just a possibility mind you, they may have genuinely been attracted to you. I can't really speak for them. This has just been my experience.

Makes a lot of sense.

On a serious note, I used to believe that homophobia was inherent to every straight man, that the lines concerning sexuality were "black and white," so to speak. That's why I found the behavior of heterosexual men to be very confusing when it wasn't what I initially perceived it to be. But even now (I'm 22), I still don't feel totally comfortable around them. I'm not flamboyant at all, and get equal amounts of attention from both men and women. But I feel as though if I'm too "nice" to a straight guy, he'll get the wrong idea and become offended, so I usually keep my distance when interacting with them. There are too many psychos out there, and you never know who you're going to inadvertently affront. So I'm stuck.

[FlourChild]

Originally Posted by nodixieforme

Makes a lot of sense.

On a serious note, I used to believe that homophobia was inherent to every straight man, that the lines concerning sexuality were "black and white," so to speak. That's why I found the behavior of heterosexual men to be very confusing when it wasn't what I initially perceived it to be. But even now (I'm 22), I still don't feel totally comfortable around them. I'm not flamboyant at all, and get equal amounts of attention from both men and women. But I feel as though if I'm too "nice" to a straight guy, he'll get the wrong idea and become offended, so I usually keep my distance when interacting with them. There are too many psychos out there, and you never know who you're going to inadvertently affront. So I'm stuck.

Well, that sucks.

[sierraAZ]

I'm very suspicious of too prominently displayed homophobia by men... Reminds me of the movie American Beauty... Usually you don't feel strongly about anything that doesn't affect you personally.

[NWPAguy]

Originally Posted by 123cop

Psst.. if a straight guy flirts with you.. newsflash.. he's gay.

Being gay is a birth defect.. not a choice.

PLEASE.... I had a female friend who was incredibly boy-crazy for many years of her life... she was so obsessed... and then she turned gay after being unfortunately shot down by many of the men she'd chosen to become involved with. She literally got sick of men and the way they treated her... so she shifted to women.

I'm sorry, but being gay is definitely more "choice" than "defect". People are built and wired to be heterosexual. As far as I'm concerned, nobody really needs to be gay... for example, if a guy is attracted to guys, there are women out there who are more guy-ish than most guys... the "gay" guys could go for those ladies and it'd be effectively the same gig. (If the big deal is that ladies don't have the same "equipment" that men do, there are adult toy stores to help with that.)

To stay on topic, the truth is that straight people can recognize attractiveness in both sexes and not be any less straight. When one person flirts with someone of the same gender, that's not exactly "straight".

[jimboburnsy]

Originally Posted by nodixieforme

Makes a lot of sense.

On a serious note, I used to believe that homophobia was inherent to every straight man, that the lines concerning sexuality were "black and white," so to speak. That's why I found the behavior of heterosexual men to be very confusing when it wasn't what I initially perceived it to be. But even now (I'm 22), I still don't feel totally comfortable around them. I'm not flamboyant at all, and get equal amounts of attention from both men and women. But I feel as though if I'm too "nice" to a straight guy, he'll get the wrong idea and become offended, so I usually keep my distance when interacting with them. There are too many psychos out there, and you never know who you're going to inadvertently affront. So I'm stuck.

My big gay uncle has advised that he can tell the difference between metro guys who have no problem with gays from gay guys in denial who are posing as metro by the subtle vibe they put out. One set apparently vibes "We're cool, but if you try to touch me below the belt I'll have to kill you" and the other apparently does not.

Nodixie, you aren't going to offend a secure, rational man unless you initiate some sort of "non-male bonding" physical contact. You will offend Joe Sixpack no matter what. You can't change a devout redneck's mind no matter how wrong he is. You're not stuck, you just don't need redneck BS in your life. You'll know if you're talking to someone reasonable right away, just don't have unrealistic expectations.

Artsy, those cute straight boys probably aren't straight.