U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 1.5 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Jump to a detailed profile or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Business Search - 14 Million verified businesses
Search for:  near: 
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 06-28-2008, 11:17 AM
 
Location: Texas
3,494 posts, read 9,514,595 times
Reputation: 1265
Default Anyone else truly "alone"? The problems of being alone in this world

I was wondering if there is anyone out there who is also in my situation, Truly "alone", no husband, no boyfriend, no roommates, no family etc.
Reason I ask is that I have a dilemma, sorta kinda. Brief background: I am 43 and have been married several times, been divorced now 3 years. No kids, thank God. I have two very loveable spoiled rotten dogs who are my life. I make a good living, am an Emergency Room Registered Nurse, am your average looking tall blonde Texan, and have an active social life-have plenty of coworker friends and have plenty of male friends too.
I have some minor "health problems" that are easily resolved by surgery, but in the meantime, I treat them pharmacologically.

However, I cant have surgery because I have no one to be with me and help me if I need help for the first few days to get up and go to the bathroom or whatever, and to feed the dogs.
Sure I have friends, and they would drive me to and fro the hospital on the surgery date.
But the girlfriends are all either 1) married and have a full family life or 2) divorced and have family obligations e.g. kids at home.
And the male friends that WOULD take me to the hospital and back and then stay for a few days to help me, all have an "agenda"-they want to marry me (and those ones are the male friends that I would never marry, they are simply friends and will always be).

I do have a doggy dude ranch that I could put my dogs up in, though it's very expensive and kinda a far drive (2 hours), but that wouldnt solve the problem of ME-i might need help walking to the bathroom etc.

So I have determined that I have two options:
1) Prolong any surgeries until I get re-married one day, and just treat my problems as I have been, even though it aint fun.
2) Hire a "temporary nanny" (i bet this would be expensive, even on my nice paycheck)

There has GOT to be others in my situation? What do yall do? Or does everyone have some sort of family or significant other?

My biggest fear is being hospitalized in an emergency-e.g. very bad motor vehicle crash and ending up in the ICU long term, or in trauma surgery, with no notice, and dogs are at home with no food in the bowls and no one to take care of them and no one gets home after 8 hours alone, like they are usually used to..seeing me 8 hours later walk in from work. THAT SKEERS ME TO DEATH.
It is very very hard to be alone-not just for the lack of intimacy,companionship, love etc...but SIMPLY THE BASIC STUFF that folks take for granted-having someone there for you!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 06-28-2008, 11:23 AM
 
Location: Mountain View, CA
1,046 posts, read 1,837,109 times
Reputation: 879
I think you would be surprised how much your friends would help. If they are true friends, they would rally around you in a time such as the one you mentioned. Friends aren't just for hanging out with, they are people who love and care for you and you them, and good friends will act accordingly. That being said, coworkers often are more like close acquaintances than friends.

That said, to lower the burden on your friends, you may want to talk to your doctor about hiring someone to come to your home to help you out after surgery. There may be a service you can use, a facility you can go to, etc. I would just board the dogs for the duration while you are "down" - one less thing to worry about.

I wouldn't put off the surgery though!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-28-2008, 11:29 AM
 
Location: Texas
3,494 posts, read 9,514,595 times
Reputation: 1265
they are true friends but it's not like they can leave their kids and husband and move into my house to take care of me for a week or so.
the coworkers, we are all one big family, real friends, not acquaintances.
and like i said, the male friends i have, the ones that would do this for me, are always wishing i would marry them, and i wont.
i will talk to my doctor, maybe there is a service. even though i am semi-rural.

Quote:
Originally Posted by jahutch View Post
I think you would be surprised how much your friends would help. If they are true friends, they would rally around you in a time such as the one you mentioned. Friends aren't just for hanging out with, they are people who love and care for you and you them, and good friends will act accordingly. That being said, coworkers often are more like close acquaintances than friends.

That said, to lower the burden on your friends, you may want to talk to your doctor about hiring someone to come to your home to help you out after surgery. There may be a service you can use, a facility you can go to, etc. I would just board the dogs for the duration while you are "down" - one less thing to worry about.

I wouldn't put off the surgery though!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-28-2008, 11:34 AM
 
Location: Mountain View, CA
1,046 posts, read 1,837,109 times
Reputation: 879
Yeah what I'm saying though is that if you were in a horrible accident or something, these friends probably WOULD move into your house - take turns helping you, etc. Kids and husbands CAN get by . Your point though, is that you don't want to put them in that situation, and that's understandable. Hence my suggestion of hiring some help .
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-28-2008, 11:40 AM
 
Location: Texas
3,494 posts, read 9,514,595 times
Reputation: 1265
yep i do believe if i were in that situation they would.
but here in terms of an elective surgery that is not an emergency, yep, i dont want to put them out and be an inconvenience.

it's sad that i would even consider hiring help. now i know how the elderly feel-the ones who live alone with no one.

i hope those of yall who have loved ones, know how lucky yall are. i bet some of yall take it for granted that you have someone to take care of yall if yall are ill.

Quote:
Originally Posted by jahutch View Post
Yeah what I'm saying though is that if you were in a horrible accident or something, these friends probably WOULD move into your house - take turns helping you, etc. Kids and husbands CAN get by . Your point though, is that you don't want to put them in that situation, and that's understandable. Hence my suggestion of hiring some help .
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-28-2008, 11:41 AM
Status: "Proud to not be a Dylan fan." (set 5 days ago)
 
Location: So Cal
24,353 posts, read 18,050,162 times
Reputation: 22934
Not to be to depressing but we are all alone. I've really learned that when I was watching my mother fight cancer. I was there every day and watched her slip away. Her last days were rough, I guess I'm saying this because as I watched her slip away there was nothing I could "do", she had to go on that journey "alone". If you can become at peace with this and accept it, it becomes easier.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-28-2008, 11:59 AM
 
Location: Tucson
42,846 posts, read 53,316,990 times
Reputation: 22748
Quote:
Originally Posted by bellestaroftexas View Post
There has GOT to be others in my situation? What do yall do? Or does everyone have some sort of family or significant other?

My biggest fear is being hospitalized in an emergency-e.g. very bad motor vehicle crash and ending up in the ICU long term, or in trauma surgery, with no notice, and dogs are at home with no food in the bowls and no one to take care of them and no one gets home after 8 hours alone, like they are usually used to..seeing me 8 hours later walk in from work. THAT SKEERS ME TO DEATH.
Just chiming in so you don't think you're the only one in the world. Short of the animals, I'm a carbon copy of you. Yes, the possibility of such situations occurring (inevitably) does scare me to death as well and I can absolutely relate to your fears. I haven't done any research, but I'm pretty sure there has to be some sort of help to be hired when predicaments like this come up. Should they prolong... don't have much of an idea really... I do have a spare paid-off asset to lean on, but it's not very liquid and it doesn't amount to too much. Thankfully, the few relatives left halfway across the world will sell it for me. If it weren't for them, I'd have to hire an attorney there.

I bought short-term disability insurance through work. Don't really know how helpful it is need be. At this point it's about enough to cover my mortgage. I don't think it was possible to up it too much, but perhaps it can go higher than that. Perhaps it's not a bad idea to look into long-term disability, too. I think SS kicks in at some point, but researching these options doesn't put me in a very good mood and I usually avoid it. I've other ideas, too, but better not share those...
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-28-2008, 12:11 PM
 
Location: Texas
3,494 posts, read 9,514,595 times
Reputation: 1265
well in a way it's comforting to know there is someone else that can relate to some degree.......
it's hard sometimes to climb off of my pitty pot.
at age 43, it's sad to think that i can relate to our elderly population who live alone.
i think about those stories you hear about an elderly person being found dead in their apartment because neighbors happened to notice one day that two weeks later, no mail was being picked up or there was a bad odor coming from the apartment. at least i know i would be discovered much quicker cuz as a nurse, my being a "no-show" for one day, would alert the media!

a VERY VERY solemn sad day for me the other day-i went to the hospital for diagnostic testing-MRI etc....and when i registered in the ER for the tests, the registration clerk asked me for an emergency contact. i had to think for a while, then look at my blackberry and just randomly pick a name of one of my favorite coworkers/friends, and read off the number from my phone, and when asked by the clerk "relationship?", i had to reply "friend". most folks come in and have a family member/loved one/spouse/child as a emergency contact, and actually have the phone number memorized. this just got me very down.



Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
Just chiming in so you don't think you're the only one in the world. Short of the animals, I'm a carbon copy of you. Yes, the possibility of such situations occurring (inevitably) does scare me to death as well and I can absolutely relate to your fears. I haven't done any research, but I'm pretty sure there has to be some sort of help to be hired when predicaments like this come up. Should they prolong... don't have much of an idea really... I do have a spare paid-off asset to lean on, but it's not very liquid and it doesn't amount to too much. Thankfully, the few relatives left halfway across the world will sell it for me. If it weren't for them, I'd have to hire an attorney there.

I bought short-term disability insurance through work. Don't really know how helpful it is need be. At this point it's about enough to cover my mortgage. I don't think it was possible to up it too much, but perhaps it can go higher than that. Perhaps it's not a bad idea to look into long-term disability, too. I think SS kicks in at some point, but researching these options doesn't put me in a very good mood and I usually avoid it. I've other ideas, too, but better not share those...
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-28-2008, 12:53 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,846 posts, read 53,316,990 times
Reputation: 22748
Quote:
Originally Posted by bellestaroftexas View Post
well in a way it's comforting to know there is someone else that can relate to some degree.......
it's hard sometimes to climb off of my pitty pot.
at age 43, it's sad to think that i can relate to our elderly population who live alone.
i think about those stories you hear about an elderly person being found dead in their apartment because neighbors happened to notice one day that two weeks later, no mail was being picked up or there was a bad odor coming from the apartment. at least i know i would be discovered much quicker cuz as a nurse, my being a "no-show" for one day, would alert the media!

a VERY VERY solemn sad day for me the other day-i went to the hospital for diagnostic testing-MRI etc....and when i registered in the ER for the tests, the registration clerk asked me for an emergency contact. i had to think for a while, then look at my blackberry and just randomly pick a name of one of my favorite coworkers/friends, and read off the number from my phone, and when asked by the clerk "relationship?", i had to reply "friend". most folks come in and have a family member/loved one/spouse/child as a emergency contact, and actually have the phone number memorized. this just got me very down.
I know... we all have our "down" days. I look at the emergency contacts the following way - if there really is need for calling somebody, it most likely won't matter to me who it is. I guess some places might still have my ex-husband's number as a contact (or even the one before), but who cares...

I'm a very defensive driver anticipating everybody's idiotic move because disability scares me way more than death. After I saw a lady in casts who was hit waiting at lights, I started stopping about a car length behind the car ahead of me, so I have some room to roll up should I see a jerk flying behind me. Always wanted to disable the darn airbags in my car because I'm short, but nobody wanted to do it because of liability. Turned out it was a matter of a simple fuse that happened to go out on its own and was a God-sent news to me. Never had it fixed. I'm convinced I'm not gonna be injured as much in an accident at lower speed without the airbags. Guess this problem will come up again when I need to replace my car, but now that I know it's just a fuse I'll find some way to get rid of it.

All that being said, though, certainly doesn't mean I'll go out of my way and complicate my life in order to have a better-sounding emergency contact...
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-28-2008, 01:00 PM
 
5,887 posts, read 4,807,920 times
Reputation: 9051
Well, what you could do for now is gather up your closest friends for a meeting with you. Explain about your surgery, that you may need their help and see if they would be willing to do it. By planning ahead, you can get all your ducks in a row, have the surgery performed, be taken care of, and put behind you. You can plan for your pets to be taken care of, be it boarding, or a pet-sitter. Check your insurance to see if you can be covered for in-home assistance if possible. Plan for this now, get it done, and get the pressure off you!

In the event of an unforeseen accident or whatever, make a deal with your co-workers/employer to check on you at home in the event you do not show up for work. That way, your animals can be checked on. Carry some kind of information in your purse/wallet with a list of people to contact.

Myself, I'm single, no kids, live alone, 4 dogs. I do have family nearby, but I still keep that info above in my wallet so the police can contact my family, and I know my pets will be taken care of. I keep a note by my phone with the names/numbers of people who will take my animals in the event of my death. My sister has a key to my place to get in.

Just plan ahead, it will alleviate your anxiety over this.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $84,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2014, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25 - Top