I feel sick.....

[TrishP7]

I'm in agreement when you say that NO WOMAN should allow herself to be treated in an ill manner. Respect is verry important in a relationship.

But If you have a good thing going and its just a matter of counseling..then go for it!! We all have our shortcomings..and I myself am grateful that I have a man that has been there for me when I've fallen and vice versa.

I'm very happy that you guys had a good talk. I really hope that this process will bring you guys even closer..i'm sure it will!

I wish you all the best in your relationship!

[70Ford]

Originally Posted by Lindsey_Mcfarren

NO vow made in a marriage ceremony requires a woman to allow her home to be turned into a battle field and the safety and harmony of her childrens homes thrown in the trash.

I hope at some point he is able to admit he shouldn't be drinking at all. That certainly does sound like the reality here.

My first husband was like you speak of yours. I asked him nicely, I told him it really shocked me and hurt my feelings when he would turn on me like that. He was normally a peacable, likeable person, so laid back, but when he drank, he got nasty. It didn't have to be much at all and it didn't have to be the heavy stuff.

I do hope you can work things out but you seem aware enough to realize that you and your children shouldn't be sacrificed on the altar of "stay with you man until the bitter end" kind of thinking.

Your husband doesn't have a drinking problem. He has unresolved issues that come to a head when the alcohol releases his inhibitions. It's a totally different animal.

Let me say that again:

He's got a problem that surfaces when he drinks. It's the symptom, not the disease.

You may not wish to discuss what he talks about when he "gets mad". But, it didn't go away. It's still there....festering...and when he needs to get it out, he's gonna grab a bottle...and then it will happen again.

I bet you money.

I had a friend. His father would wake up and drink whiskey 'til he fell asleep at the breakfast table. He'd wake up, barf a few times, and drink until he fell asleep again. That....THAT is a drinking problem.

I've read some of your other posts. I don't think your man is evil. I think he needs to talk about what is really bothering him. To be honest, you might not want to hear it. It might be about you. Or being married. Or having kids. Or not achieving some goal. Or being tied down. Or being not...something. That seems to be pretty common. I dunno. I just have a gut feeling he's not an alcoholic.

This is coming from someone who used to drink a 12 oz. glass of vodka, straight -for about 5 years. Because my wife hated America, and I didn't want to deal with it. So I'd drink to forget how sad and angry she was. I didn't get violent or anything. That's not in my nature. I'd just go to sleep.

It took me a very long time to realize that it wasn't fixing the problem. It took me a very long time to stop being a coward - and get to work fixing the problem.

[Lindsey_Mcfarren]

I have to agree with you there. When I worked in mental health that was said often that people who have a chemical dependency problem they are using the substance to self medicate. Anything from being bipolar, having a personality disorder on to helping them forget childhood abuse.

[veuvegirl]

Originally Posted by 70Ford

Your husband doesn't have a drinking problem. He has unresolved issues that come to a head when the alcohol releases his inhibitions. It's a totally different animal.

Let me say that again:

He's got a problem that surfaces when he drinks. It's the symptom, not the disease.

You may not wish to discuss what he talks about when he "gets mad". But, it didn't go away. It's still there....festering...and when he needs to get it out, he's gonna grab a bottle...and then it will happen again.

I bet you money.

I had a friend. His father would wake up and drink whiskey 'til he fell asleep at the breakfast table. He'd wake up, barf a few times, and drink until he fell asleep again. That....THAT is a drinking problem.

I've read some of your other posts. I don't think your man is evil. I think he needs to talk about what is really bothering him. To be honest, you might not want to hear it. It might be about you. Or being married. Or having kids. Or not achieving some goal. Or being tied down. Or being not...something. That seems to be pretty common. I dunno. I just have a gut feeling he's not an alcoholic.

This is coming from someone who used to drink a 12 oz. glass of vodka, straight -for about 5 years. Because my wife hated America, and I didn't want to deal with it. So I'd drink to forget how sad and angry she was. I didn't get violent or anything. That's not in my nature. I'd just go to sleep.

It took me a very long time to realize that it wasn't fixing the problem. It took me a very long time to stop being a coward - and get to work fixing the problem.

Congratulations on overcoming such obstacles. I agree with you he does not have a drinking problem. I am sure there are issues and he won't talk about them. I have asked him several times, and he just smiles and says everything is fine. If all goes well, we should be able to work everything out.

[yankeegirl313]

You said that he`s ok when he has a few drinks, but its when he drinks ALL day that gets him into trouble, right? Well...can he only have a few drinks, and stop? Or, is he the type who can`t start, without stopping?

[veuvegirl]

Originally Posted by yankeegirl313

You said that he`s ok when he has a few drinks, but its when he drinks ALL day that gets him into trouble, right? Well...can he only have a few drinks, and stop? Or, is he the type who can`t start, without stopping?

He can have a few drinks and stop no problem.

[yankeegirl313]

Originally Posted by veuvegirl

He can have a few drinks and stop no problem.

Thats great then. He should be fine, as long as he has convinced himself to ONLY have a few.

[beckycat]

I hear you! My husband is an alcoholic too. He doesn't get violent or mean when he drinks, he makes wrong decision. When he goes out, he doensn't tell us. (though we know when it's comming. He doesn't come hom til very late or the next day. He spends alot of money that we don't have. You're husband is an alcoholic and he can't drink anything. You can try talking to him about his disease. Maybe he'll get help through AA or go to rehab. One thing you need to know is you can't force him to get help. Although, you can control how long you want to put up with it. Your husband is probably a great guy, but when he starts to drink, he's the total opposite! This is the way my husband is and I can't wait till he stops drinking! Good luck!