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Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
4,375 posts, read 4,069,460 times
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I think it would be equal. Ugly is ugly. Neither gender is likely to be in a relationship unless (A) they have something else going for them (personality, money etc) or (B) they settle for someone whom they consider to be ugly.
I've never understood (b). Why would anyone settle? If the person is not a 10 in your eyes why are you with them? I just can't relate to that.
You'd be surprised what people do to avoid being alone.
Yep. Some will just take what they can get. And the mind is a funny thing. Sometimes you can even fool yourself into things. Say it and/or think it enough, you may come to believe it.
It's sad this happens to some people. But that's the imperfect part of the world. Everyone wants certain things. But everyone will not get them. So they either go completely without, or settle.
Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
4,375 posts, read 4,069,460 times
Reputation: 2158
Yes, but, to me, either I have romantic feelings for someone or I don't. Sexual attraction is a matter of degree, but generally I don't experience "this person I love slightly, whereas this other person I love a lot more". I find that either I'm in love with them or I feel no romantic feelings at all. So if I were to settle, I would be trying to force myself to have feelings that just aren't there.
I could settle in terms of who I have sex with, but not in terms of romantic relationships.
Yes, but, to me, either I have romantic feelings for someone or I don't. Sexual attraction is a matter of degree, but generally I don't experience "this person I love slightly, whereas this other person I love a lot more". I find that either I'm in love with them or I feel no romantic feelings at all. So if I were to settle, I would be trying to force myself to have feelings that just aren't there.
I could settle in terms of who I have sex with, but not in terms of romantic relationships.
Location: Subconscious Syncope, USA (Northeastern US)
2,365 posts, read 2,148,500 times
Reputation: 3814
I guess ugly women have it worse.
I say that because men are very visually motivated. Women are motivated cerebrally, so once we get past the physical and start to see other aspects of this multi-dimensional man, he can become extremely sexy.
I don't think ugly women should throw in the towel though. Having a harder time at finding the right person might prove to be the best for everyone. You at least don't have to waste so much time filtering through all the BS. Beauty is only skin deep, and doesn't last forever.
You'd be surprised what people do to avoid being alone.
Well, then again, some people wizen up a bit and realize that "10 in our eyes" (as the person Ruth quoted above commented) may be less "all that" deep down than the less-than-10 who really is a great match in a number of ways.
Why do people "settle" for a "less than 10? Because we grow up and begin seeing people as whole people and because we stop seeing ourselves as the single final gift to the female (or male) species ourselves, even though Mommy always told us how amazingly above the norm we were. We grow up, period. We move past that 12-year-old "I'm going to marry Celebrity X" phase and we start looking more closely at people who are real people with both good and bad points, and few of whom look like runway models...but can be amazing. You know...people just like us.
We stop being so ego-driven (as we leave childhood) and (also as we leave childhood) we stop seeing people as cardboard cutouts, who can disappoint us with a single imperfection, and then, we finally find real relationships.
Or...some of us do. Others never move past adolescence emotionally in this way and overall, are unhappy and generally alone, or manage to "buy" relationships temporarily, get hurt, then go back and do the same thing all over again, endlessly.
Now.
If "10 in our eyes" is a more mature view of people, say, simply a kind personality, smarts and self-sufficiency, looks or prestige notwithstanding, and we settle for less than THAT, sure, that could be a person who just can't be alone, but somehow I doubt that's what we're talking about here, particularly given the point of the thread (which is looks, specifically).
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