Need a little help with an awkward situation....

[miu]

Originally Posted by ellie_may

Hi All...I'm new here, I did a search and couldn't find much out that helped me out. So here I go, its dating in the workplace....

Six months ago, my boyfriend moved across the continent to take a job in the field we both studied. I was still in school and had every intention of applying to the company as well, which I did. 3 months ago, while I was visiting him on my spring break, I was interviewed and offered a position with the company for when I was finished, I was ecstatic, to say the least! The only problem: It is in the same department as him.

I haven't started yet, I have had trouble getting my work authorization, but I am scheduled to start in early October. I want to try and make it work, but he maintains it can't, citing a recent break-up/explosion between two of our friends in his office, who met at work and began dating.

I know many people out there feel the same as him, but I'm not really ready to give up entirely, we have done so well, and I think there must be a trick to making it happen. I want to convince him we can do it, that we can leave our personal life out of the office life, and vice versa. He says, "everyone thinks they can do that...it never works" I'd like to learn from the mistakes others have made. I have thought about a 2 strike policy: The first time personal comes to professional, we're warned, second time, we obviously can't focus enough, and he's right, it can't be done. This gives you chance to realize your thought patterns before you take the meat cleaver to the situation.

What does everyone out there think??

Please don't post just to tell me what a bad idea it is....if you have a good, concrete reason why its a terrible idea, share that....

Eh. You two have been apart for six months. If you hadn't gotten that job, what was your Plan B? Were you planning to move there anyway? Had you not gotten this job, would your boyfriend want you to move out to be with him?

It seems like this company must be good to work for. So I see that he values his career a lot and maybe moreso than your relationship. And considering that you both are recently out of college, I think that it's okay for both of you to value your jobs at this company more than your relationship. As it is, by the time you've settled into your new job, you will have found that you've grown apart from him.

Regardless of the company not minding their employees dating, I think that until you really settle into your new job, I would cool the relationship anyway and be as professional as possible at work. Were you planning on living with him?

[MommyV]

I met my husband at work and we worked together for quite some time with no real problems. It can be done.

I've also been employed at several different companies where people have met, dated and later married while working in the same department. Eventually, things do change and people move on professionally, so you and your bf will not always be working together just because you accept a position now. This is a temporary situation. Hopefully, he realizes this.

Some things you should consider are... how stressfull is the job? will it be something you both take home with you? That could have a bearing on your relationship. But, if you're aware of it, you can take measures to see that it doesn't. What I'm trying to say is perhaps you can sit down with your bf and see what is scaring him so much about this. After adressing how you're going to handle those matters, maybe he'll be more open to the idea.

Either way, whether you stay together or breakup, starting a job in the same department with him will not be a piece of cake (especially if you break up). I hope he comes around.

Good Luck!

[Rathagos]

Originally Posted by itlchick

Here's my main concern - HE doesn't want to it. I think that should tell you something.

If this guy wanted to marry you, he'd be thrilled to get you across the country, no matter what the risks.

But think about it - if he's having doubts about how long this will last, the last thing he would want is for you to work with him.

Just a thought.

Ellie... I don't think what Itlchick is saying above is that he's discouraging you from working there... I think what she's saying is that it sounds like (and I got the same impression) he may be trying to get out of the relationship as a whole. It's something to consider.

The time and distance may have made him reconsider the entire relationship or his role in it, or there could be someone else that has caught his eye. Hard to say or guess. But it is a possibility that he's trying to use this work relationship as a way to get out of a relationship he doesn't want as intensely as you do anymore. As a guy, it's something I might try.

Itlchick, if it's not what you were saying, I apologize for putting words in your mouth.

[sierraAZ]

Originally Posted by Rathagos

I think what she's saying is that it sounds like (and I got the same impression) he may be trying to get out of the relationship as a whole.

It doesn't "sound"... It was clearly spelled out yesterday (suggesting breaking up before her move). Not sure if I can't find it today or it was deleted later...

[Defined_Within]

Mama always told me. .

"Cant have your honey, Where you get your money"

Beside, you don't want people all in your business. You don't need or what that drama.

[itlchick]

Originally Posted by Rathagos

Ellie... I don't think what Itlchick is saying above is that he's discouraging you from working there... I think what she's saying is that it sounds like (and I got the same impression) he may be trying to get out of the relationship as a whole. It's something to consider.

The time and distance may have made him reconsider the entire relationship or his role in it, or there could be someone else that has caught his eye. Hard to say or guess. But it is a possibility that he's trying to use this work relationship as a way to get out of a relationship he doesn't want as intensely as you do anymore. As a guy, it's something I might try.

Itlchick, if it's not what you were saying, I apologize for putting words in your mouth.

Yep, that was what I was saying.

[ellie_may]

Lots of things to consider. I have definitely thought about how this might feel for him. I know that neither of us is ready to start screwing into forever, and that it might be getting a little "serious" fact is, I applied for a job with this company before he was in the picture, it has taken me well over a year to get it and I studied and met him in the interim. I'm moving for me, and my career, he's there, and that was a bonus.

I didn't apply to his department, I applied to another, I got shifted to his department after a couple of interviews with HR and higher management because they thought I was a better fit there, I know that working in the same department is asking for trouble and it took me more than a week to decide to take the job, we discussed it, and he said he would have it no other way.

Now, I have opted to suggest taking the summer off, I'm going there regardless, as I said before, I'm not willing to self-sacrifice for him at this point. He will be there when I get there, so we can see what happens then. I suspect that time and distance have taken a toll on his feelings for me. He left me in the place where we met, and spent a lot of time together, I am surrounded by reminders of him, and I am no where to be found where he is. Out of sight, out of mind...as the cliche goes.