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What a draining situation you are in-yes, shut off the phones, set some boundaries and remind them gently you need to help your children thru this time. People grieve in many ways but each person needs to find their own way. Save your strength for your immediate family and the others will find their way. Blessings to you.
They're calling you because...you're smart, JerZ. We see your intelligence shine through here in your posts. I bet you would be a great friend to have IRL. And no, I'm not saying this to get rep. I mean it sincerely.
You write many great down-to-earth posts here without a hint of arrogance or pretension, which are refreshing to read. You're one of the people I read here where I go to myself after reading your posts,"Yeah! YEAH! Yeah!"
Your family and extended family must see it too. You ARE the go-to girl!
I would take it as a compliment this grieving family is reaching out to you. You are obviously a voice of reason, a shoulder to cry on and their rock of Gibraltar. Now, that does not mean you are not exhausted and need a break.
My heart really goes out to you and your family. Do you have a friend to vent these feelings to?(in between taking all of their calls, OF COURSE!)
Just let your phone ring instead of answering it. Maybe you could answer every third call from them. Weed them out, so to speak.
I would take it as a compliment this grieving family is reaching out to you. You are obviously a voice of reason, a shoulder to cry on and their rock of Gibraltar. Now, that does not mean you are not exhausted and need a break.
My heart really goes out to you and your family. Do you have a friend to vent these feelings to?(in between taking all of their calls, OF COURSE!)
Just let your phone ring instead of answering it. Maybe you could answer every third call from them. Weed them out, so to speak.
Hang in there. We are all pulling for you!
Thank you, mrstewart. Yes, I do have a talk-it-out buddy...my sister on the east coast. She's still "carrying" her in-laws emotionally following the death of her husband (their only son) two years ago, so she understands. I did give her a jingle yesterday and we talked about it a bit...It was funny because I kept saying "Get me the hell away from here! Let me come visit you" and she kept saying, "Get me the hell away from here...I need to go visit you!"
So what we arrived at was: We're both just going to ditch it all and run away to a commune in Oregon.
I do love these people so I'm just joking to let off steam...I do want to be there for them, I just need a bit to think things out for myself too, you know?
I could tell by your posts last week that you were going to be the pillar of strength for that family- and I'm glad you're seeing the effects of it and rethinking your position.
Let the answering machine pick up and limit yourself to a certain number of calls or minutes per day. Give the rest of your energy to yourself and your husband. And focus on your grief and loss in all of this.
Unplug your house phones and shut off your cell phone for a few hours a day, or better yet, lose your cell phone for the next week. They are calling you because you are probably on the outside holding it together better than anyone else involved. But if you aren't available to talk, they can feel better just by leaving you a message and then they will call up the next person on their list. I think that it's perfectly okay to not take their calls, you need some alone time to recharge. A big downside to having cell phones is that everyone thinks that everyone else should be available 24/7 and at their beck and call. These people will be just fine if they can't talk to you. Saving your sanity is more important than being their crutch.
Big hugs,
miu
Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ
Thanks, ((miu)).
My husband just told me the same thing..."Shut off the phone!" He's mentally exhausted too. It's really more my responsibility to comfort him than anyone else...I love them all but they need to lean on each other a bit too.
Thanks again.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains
Excellent suggestions - let the calls go to voicemail for a while.
Yes, I agree. Pirategirl and mrstewart also said it. Don't be so available. Only take the calls that you feel up to taking. Or return them when YOU feel like doing it. And don't worry about it, if they complain about it. Don't feel bad about it at all. You can't continue to help or support them if you don't have a chance to re-charge and rest yourself.
JerZ... caller ID and an answering machine with a huge storage capacity!
But to answer honestly, although you and I have not seen eye-to-eye on some issues (okay... MANY issues), you still normally have solid, stable, thought out, and articulate points of views and responses. If we are able to see it in the forums here, how much more you must provide in real life. I think your family sees that in you.. your intelligence, your compassion, and your straight-forwardness (real word?).
In any case, although it may not seem like it now, there is a reason they are talking to YOU... and it should be considered a compliment.
I've never been in your situation, so I don't have experienced wisdom to give you.. but sometimes... and I would imagine especially now... you need time for yourself (and your husband). The longer you are supporting everyone else, the longer it will be before you are able to grieve for the situation yourself.
I'm sorry you're being put through this. Try to stay strong. Grief is a hard process to get through but you'll get through it. Feel free to vent away as needed.
Make sure you're taking care of you. Go for a walk, a drive, out to a movie. Get away from the phone for a time.
Ivory
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She's still "carrying" her in-laws emotionally following the death of her husband (their only son) two years ago, so she understands. I did give her a jingle yesterday and we talked about it a bit...It was funny because I kept saying "Get me the hell away from here! Let me come visit you" and she kept saying, "Get me the hell away from here...I need to go visit you!"
