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ok, so this is my little problem I've been losing some sleep over. A friend and I frequented a military base close to our house every weekend. She had a serious boyfriend that was stationed there and I tagged along just because it was something fun to do. They ended up breaking up after some time and she was looking to meet some ew guys out there. So one weekend we met up with a few guys and one seemed pretty interested in me. I wasn't looking for anything more than a friendship at the time, but he didn't have that in his plans. He got my number and called me the next day. he insisted I go out to dinner with him. So, i agreed. I figured I would get a free meal out of the deal and he would leave it at that. Well, only about 20 minutes into dinner I realized what an idiot I was being. He was such an amazing guy. We laughed together all night and I could not believe that I didn't want the night to end. I ended up going back to his barracks and watching a movie with him which led to kissing and things like that, but we didn't sleep together. He called me the next day, and the day after, and the day after. Every day I got a phone call until I had time in my work schedule to go and see him again. We went to dinner a few times, watched a few more movies, and did cute little date things over the next couple of weeks. Then on maybe the 4th date or so I slept with him. And believe me, I have never slept with someone who was not my boyfriend or wanted to, but this was different. I think I forgot to mention that the most important part of the whole thing was that from the time I first met him, he had 2 1/2 months until he was to be deployed to Iraq. Knowing this, I made even more of an effort to go see him and spent about 4 days a week with him. Caught between wanting to make a stronger connection with him, but knowing he needed to keep his head into the Army and also not wanting to get hurt myself. I went out to see him one more time the night before he deployed. Now, he's been gone for 8months. I talk to him a few times a week through e-mails and he talks to me the same way he did when he was here, is still just as sweet and there's clearly something there. His mom is always e-mailing me asking how I am, but the thing is, we're not together. We don't talk about what we "are" or even what will happen when he comes home. He still has 7 months left over there and I don't know whether I should just wait around crossing my fingers something is going to come of this or if I should just get over it, move on, and have fun. I've tried being open minded with other guys, but no matter the guy or what he does, he can't compare. Ahh! Anyone with anything. Should I say something? Leave it be? Any advice would be amazing. Thanks yall.
Location: Georgia, on the Florida line, right above Tallahassee
10,471 posts, read 15,827,481 times
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My opinion?
My God, I miss young love! Such potential for pain or perhaps, enduring romance! The possibilities are endless, and the fruits could be as sweet and pure as morning dew or as sour and stale as old lemons.
I'm in Iraq. There are not many females here. He sounds like he might be a silver tongued devil, and be able to hold his own.
But you gotta figure...there's like 1 female for 50 guys. Where I'm at...yeah.. it's about 1 for 50 or 1 for 75. He don't have a lot of options to hook up with much of nothing. In fact, if he did, I'd be surprised. Very surprised. It happens, but the chances of him finding someone new is like 1 in a thousand...or more.
Sounds like you had a good thing going. HUGE THUMBS UP!!!! I hope he comes back and things work out great for you guys.
On the other hand, I'll play devil's advocate. If he didn't ask you to "wait for him" then he didn't ask you to wait for him. Be sure your wanting to wait for someone who wants you to wait. Wait...scratch that..I'd want you to wait. But I might not want to wait. And that sort of needs to be a mutually known fact between you guys.
I'd want to clarify that....if I were you. From your last couple of lines...I didn't see that common vision being shared.
How did his mom get involved in this? If his mom is emailing you, and wanting to make a connection with you ---- that says a lot about what he is telling his mom about you. It is my experience that some guys think that relationships are 'understood', especially once they sleep with you. Also, he may be trying to be altruistic and not tie you down with a guy in Iraq who might not make it back to the states.
Why not just email him and ask him? Make it light and cute like...just wondering, am I your girl? Cause I'd like to be ..........no doubt you would be able to find a much better way to do it than I!
Good Luck!
Do you actually know that he feels the same about you as you do about him? Did you actually make a commitment to him before he left? I don't think you did since you are still dating. Does he know you are still dating?
Never compare one guy with someone else. Everyone is different, you are shortchanging the guys you meet. You may be missing out by doing this.
Remember this also, many guys returning from Iraq are different from when they left, are you prepared for this possible change in his behavior. War does terrible things to people's minds.
He may come back as he left, he may not. So be prepared if you plan on waiting. Good luck.
sounds like a very familiar experience. i would say not to ask him directly and just wait till he is back. he has enough on his mind and dealing with a needay GF is probably not in his plans.
take the hints and dont fret. he still talks and treats you like he did when physically around. he talks to his mom about you. and while he didnt say "wait", he still didnt say, "dont wait".
the uncertainty of it all can leave you sleepless, but i would be more worried for his safety than if he does trully see a future for you guys.
wait for him and carry on as you have been, if you notice things taking a turn for the worse then is when you should worry. and possibly worry him with the question of
"what are we"
till then be easy and be happy that you do have someone checkin for you.
good luck and i hope it works out. but dont strees homeboy, he is in iraq after all.
Location: Visitation between Wal-Mart & Home Depot
8,309 posts, read 38,766,834 times
Reputation: 7185
Quote:
Originally Posted by gawaves89
ok, so this is my little problem I've been losing some sleep over. A friend and I frequented a military base close to our house every weekend. She had a serious boyfriend that was stationed there and I tagged along just because it was something fun to do. They ended up breaking up after some time and she was looking to meet some ew guys out there. So one weekend we met up with a few guys and one seemed pretty interested in me. I wasn't looking for anything more than a friendship at the time, but he didn't have that in his plans. He got my number and called me the next day. he insisted I go out to dinner with him. So, i agreed. I figured I would get a free meal out of the deal and he would leave it at that. Well, only about 20 minutes into dinner I realized what an idiot I was being. He was such an amazing guy. We laughed together all night and I could not believe that I didn't want the night to end. I ended up going back to his barracks and watching a movie with him which led to kissing and things like that, but we didn't sleep together. He called me the next day, and the day after, and the day after. Every day I got a phone call until I had time in my work schedule to go and see him again. We went to dinner a few times, watched a few more movies, and did cute little date things over the next couple of weeks. Then on maybe the 4th date or so I slept with him. And believe me, I have never slept with someone who was not my boyfriend or wanted to, but this was different. I think I forgot to mention that the most important part of the whole thing was that from the time I first met him, he had 2 1/2 months until he was to be deployed to Iraq. Knowing this, I made even more of an effort to go see him and spent about 4 days a week with him. Caught between wanting to make a stronger connection with him, but knowing he needed to keep his head into the Army and also not wanting to get hurt myself. I went out to see him one more time the night before he deployed. Now, he's been gone for 8months. I talk to him a few times a week through e-mails and he talks to me the same way he did when he was here, is still just as sweet and there's clearly something there. His mom is always e-mailing me asking how I am, but the thing is, we're not together. We don't talk about what we "are" or even what will happen when he comes home. He still has 7 months left over there and I don't know whether I should just wait around crossing my fingers something is going to come of this or if I should just get over it, move on, and have fun. I've tried being open minded with other guys, but no matter the guy or what he does, he can't compare. Ahh! Anyone with anything. Should I say something? Leave it be? Any advice would be amazing. Thanks yall.
Wait for him. If he's making an effort to keep in touch over in the sandbox, I guarantee that he's thinking about you every day and wants you to be thinking about him as well. In fact, you're probably the only thing he's thinking about. When he gets back, the sex is going to be amazing. Particularly if there hasn't been sex with anyone else since he left. He may not ask, but he'll be wondering if there was anything going on with anyone else while he was away. It's completely understandable if there was, but it will make him extremely happy if there wasn't. If you are as fond of this guy as you seem to be, I don't think you'll be sorry if you wait it out.
In your shoes, I'd just continue with the status quo. He has a lot going on right now and does not need serious relationship talk. So, wait for him if you want or date in the meantime. When he gets back, you'll have plenty of time to figure out what is happening between the two of you. And, trlhkr is absolutely right - people coming home from war need some decompression time. They're not going to be the exactly the same as when they left. Best of luck to you!
That's a hard situation to be in. Like the others have said I wouldn't stress him out with the "what are we to each other" conversation while he is overseas. All you can really do is be there for him now and keep that door open. If its ment to be then you two will work it out when he comes home. Are you comfortable dating other people causually until he comes back? You have to be true to yourself but also respectful of this new person in your life who you care about. Good Luck.
In your post you said you have tried being open minded with other guys but they can't compare. Maybe your answer is already there? Waiting can be tough, but if he is truly amazing you time would be well spent. In the big scheme of things take care of yourself but if there is no need to add stress to his deployment the talk about, are we a couple could wait until he is back home.
Write to him with news and good conversation..keep it light, but keep the connection. I'm sure he'll appreciate the connection to home and appreciate that you went to the effort of communicating with him.
Go about living your life, but keep open to the possibility that this could be the guy. Too soon to tell yet, but don't commit yourself to anyone else until you see where the relationship stands after he gets back.
Enjoy the romantic feelings, but beware of letting your fantasies overshadow the reality. Being married to a soldier is no picnic..especially if this guy does not have much rank. A lot of soldiers wisely decide not to settle down until their life is more settled.
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..........no doubt you would be able to find a much better way to do it than I! 
