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and yet I got 5 rep points for my post - in less then 20 minutes
If you knew me - I don't bicker. I actually have quite a hard time raising my voice and keep things tucked in - which makes it hard because I never really speak my emotions since I never want to ruffle feathers
But I have been in a relationship that ended in divorce just like the one 2 mares is describing. If you have never been at that point, you can not really understand the attitude of a man like that, you are dealing with. Immature. Best to just break it off and move on.
2mares- LOL nope, I'm not married to anyone right now. Sometimes I think I had a penis in a former life though.
About the contradictions - thinking in a simple manner doesn't mean thinking in black and white. It means taking what is said at face value. The man said he wanted things to go back to the way things were. He probably meant he wanted things to go back to the way they were.
Think about what he said - don't just respond by repeating yourself. He said he wants things to go back to the way they were. Meaning just that. Think about that statement and respond to that statement. She didn't get the answer she wanted -just a yes or no-. But she got an answer and she could have responded to the answer that he did give.
and yet I got 5 rep points for my post - in less then 20 minutes
That's the kind of thing a schoolyard kid would say. "well I got more cookies than you, neener neener!". So what? I'm not here for kudos, I'm here to try and lend some insight into the male mind.
Some of you females are just hell bent on believing that the fact that you refuse to try to understand a guy, makes the guy immature. Go on and believe that. Either turn homosexual or stop dating altogether, because you're not going to be truly happy until you learn how to deal with men properly.
You want the conversation to go YOUR way - you lay out ultimatums and black/white questions and he should just comply because that's what you want. That ain't how it works. You ask something, he says something in response, respond to what he said even if it isn't the exact answer you wanted. It's called an open channel of communication. Patience, maturity and thought are the ways to a good relationship. Look in yourself - if you're missing any of the three, the relationship will fail, and you will be the catalyst...even if you're not the root cause.
I've said my piece. Clearly some of you don't want to keep an open mind, which is fine. I'm not here to argue with any of you. I'll take my leave of this thread.
if things go back the way they were. What are people not understanding about that?
15 yrs. That could mean he wants me to be 15 yrs younger, 30 lbs lighter. Party all the time. Make less money. Have less responsibility, have more sex. Clear as mud. Most of us know relationships evolve, they can never be exactly as the were on day one. And when asking to clairify (instead of being a woman and making too much of his direct answer.Ha) the answer I got was "stop barking and act like a woman" again clear as mud.
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That's her fault for being so petty
And what is petty about wanting to know after six months if he intended to move into our house with me and work on the marriage or continue to live apart?
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Nowhere was it a given that's what he wanted; she assumed that, and there is the problem
It is reasonable that one would assume that after six months. No?
Apparently, the assumption was correct.
Think about what he said - don't just respond by repeating yourself. He said he wants things to go back to the way they were. Meaning just that. Think about that statement and respond to that statement. She didn't get the answer she wanted -just a yes or no-. But she got an answer and she could have responded to the answer that he did give.
I thought about it and responded stating what I felt would take us back to the way things were, him stop drinking a 12 pack everyday, go back to AA, come home after work, begin doing things together again, offered to go to counseling. Asked him what he felt we needed to do to go back to the way things were, his response "stop barking and act like a woman". Sorry I cant work with that. Those are NOT simple answers.
Now, just for the record, the guy Im with now, No problem with communication. When we have a conversation, neither is left frustrated, trying to decipher a vauge response.
Then you made the right choice. Back to the "want things the way they were" answer...that could be feasible if he could turn back time, thus let's work on the marriage but really it is impossible to turn back time, thus he wants a divorce. One can never go back to the way things were because a relationship changes, evolves and even one changes physically with age. Having a house is also more responsibility so that in itself has changed the dynamics of the relationship with each other.
15 yrs. That could mean he wants me to be 15 yrs younger, 30 lbs lighter. Party all the time. Make less money. Have less responsibility, have more sex. Clear as mud. Most of us know relationships evolve, they can never be exactly as the were on day one. And when asking to clairify (instead of being a woman and making too much of his direct answer.Ha) the answer I got was "stop barking and act like a woman" again clear as mud.
And what is petty about wanting to know after six months if he intended to move into our house with me and work on the marriage or continue to live apart?
It is reasonable that one would assume that after six months. No?
Apparently, the assumption was correct.
Your original post on the subject didn't say all that. The more you tell us, the more he just sounds like an a$$hole. Those are not the kind of men I was talking about when I first posted.
me: Do you want to work on our marriage or do you want a divorce?
him: I want things to be like they use to be.
me: so you want to work on our marriage?
him: I want things to be like they use to be.
me: How should we begin to do that?
him: Stop barking and act like a woman.
Location: Visitation between Wal-Mart & Home Depot
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 2mares
Here is the last "conversation" I had with the stbx. Feel free to pick it apart. If men are simple and say exactly what they mean, for the record, Ill have to state I was not barking "arf, arf".
me: Do you want to work on our marriage or do you want a divorce?
him: I want things to be like they use to be.
me: so you want to work on our marriage?
him: I want things to be like they use to be.
me: How should we begin to do that?
him: Stop barking and act like a woman.
Here's what a man hears:
You: I want a divorce and I'm rhetorically asking what you want.
him: I want things to be *easy* like they used to be.
You: It was a rhetorical question because I've made up my mind, but I will put the words "so you want to work on our marriage" in your mouth and pose it as another question.
him: I want things to be *easy* like they used to be.
You: That's clearly out of the question (WOOF WOOF!!!) but why don't you tell me how we could do that? (Grrrrrr... WOOF WOOF WOOF!!!)
him: Stop *yelling and being controlling* and *be nice and intimate with me*
Guys say what they mean until they become conditioned not to. How does he respond to the "Do you think I'm fat?" question? That's a case of learning that the only way to get out of this question easily is to lie.
Ladies, just let your man be a man. You'll never change him, all you can do is get him to act like he's changed and some guys will not even do that.
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Does anyone else see a contradiction?
