ugh, advice please (married, love, husband, family)

[wanttomoveeast]

ok, so my DH and I decided we wanted to move out of state (see my handle), Miami specifically. We thought this would be a good place for us given our likes and dislikes. We do not have kids, so moving would be fairly easy (except for our cat!)(and the cost of moving)

Here's the dilemma. Lately, he's been pretty iffy sounding about it. Says, well, are we going to get the same (as in size and niceness of our townhome) over there for the same price? I say, of course not! We are in Colo. now and of course moving to the coast would be more expensive for less.

Then he says, well, I'm worried I won't find work. (He's in IT, good experience and will have his B.S. in a year or so). I think this is sort of a weak assumption. I'm in law, so we are good to go there, I mean, whereever there are lawyers (where are there not lawyers?) I have a job.

So instead of Miami, I mentioned San Diego. Similar again to what we want. He says, no freaking way, my family is all over southern Calif. and that's just too close.

So what to do??? I've lived here my entire life and I'll be damned if I'm going to live my entire life here without ever knowing life elsewhere. Maybe I'm being dumb about that. We do travel outside the country. In fact, we didn't go anywhere this year because we were trying to save. But usually we go at least once a year to another country.

Am I being silly? Is there no compromise?

[Rcm58]

Miami offers many choices along with its outskirts, If you don't find somewhere you like I'd be very surprised. The Redlands, Perine, South Miami, North Miami, Hialeah, from Mansions to Hollywood old. Nice short trip to the keys for get aways. Diversity at its best!

[cmacf1]

Would it be possible for him (and perhaps you, too) to find a job before you get there and to visit for interviews? It sounds like he's nervous that he'd do ok in a new place. You know you will do fine there, but for whatever reason, he's not so sure. Would he be willing to search for a job there before actually moving? I don't know the job market in Miami at all (or anywhere else for that matter!) but maybe he knows the IT market is tight there. Is it that he just doesn't want to move and he likes it where you are now? Since it sounds like you really want to move, is there anyplace he can suggest that he'd be willing to think about? If you're going to get him to agree to moving, it's got to be someplace he'd be happy (and you, too, of course.) You sound more open to location than him, so maybe he needs to suggest a place.

I wish you the best of luck! I, too, would love to move, but hubby is pretty entrenched in his job here. I'd far rather live in an area with less crime, a smaller city or town, more outdoor amenities close by. Oh well, maybe someday. Best of luck to yoU!

[wanttomoveeast]

RCM58: Yeah, the things you mentioned are what we liked about it. Where we live, we have very little options as far as visiting other neat cities. We also wanted to live near a major airport so that we could leave the country easier. I just don't know what to do with DH. It sounds like he just wants to stay here. I asked him upfront today, and he said that he has his worries and some days he wants to go and others he wants to stay. Maybe we need a vacation!

[andreaspercheron]

I think your hubby has significant concerns. I mean, without finding work first you can't just up and move. To me, it's awfully foolish to just assume you will find work whereever you move to. I think he's just trying to play it safe for both of you. Just my honest opinion.

[JnR]

Look at the classifieds online for the areas you are considering moving to and see what housing costs, what jobs are available, etc... Maybe you need to take some time and do more research before quitting your jobs and loading up the car. And rather than traveling out of the country for your vacation, why not spend a week in Florida and a week in San Diego? I think that would be fun, exploring the places you are considering moving to. Good luck!

[Rcm58]

With both Miami and Fort Lauderdale airports as close as they are if I get bumped from one its not that bad to the next, also many one plus day cruises leaving out of the port in Lauderdale. You can get to Freeport in around 4 or 5 hours and gamble after the 5 mile limit or take in a show. Oh and much of what you buy in the Bahamas is duty free.

[wanttomoveeast]

I was sort of thinking along the lines you mentioned. As in "well, honey, where would you like to move if at all?" It's the other side of the country for us, so we wouldn't want to try for jobs until we were there and ready to go. Which leads me to another thought, maybe I do need a vacation. I am a planner, so of course I'm doing my research now for a move that'll happen at the end of next year! I'm sure he's thinking, what a freak, it's not until next year.

And yep, I'm def. more flexible with where to go. Thing is, we have the same wants. I mean down to a T. He says that Orlando is the big IT area, but that area blows and we both know that.

And maybe like you, I'll just settle and let him be happy for now. Maybe I should concentrate my research on the next vacation destination instead.

Thanks for the thoughts. Based on what you said, I think we should swap where we live.

Originally Posted by cmacf1

Would it be possible for him (and perhaps you, too) to find a job before you get there and to visit for interviews? It sounds like he's nervous that he'd do ok in a new place. You know you will do fine there, but for whatever reason, he's not so sure. Would he be willing to search for a job there before actually moving? I don't know the job market in Miami at all (or anywhere else for that matter!) but maybe he knows the IT market is tight there. Is it that he just doesn't want to move and he likes it where you are now? Since it sounds like you really want to move, is there anyplace he can suggest that he'd be willing to think about? If you're going to get him to agree to moving, it's got to be someplace he'd be happy (and you, too, of course.) You sound more open to location than him, so maybe he needs to suggest a place.

I wish you the best of luck! I, too, would love to move, but hubby is pretty entrenched in his job here. I'd far rather live in an area with less crime, a smaller city or town, more outdoor amenities close by. Oh well, maybe someday. Best of luck to yoU!

[cmacf1]

Based on what you said, I think we should swap where we live.

That's exactly what I was thinking!!

I'm also a huge vacation planner -- I'm already planning our Alaska vacation next year and I have been for several months . I hope you're able to figure it all out so you're both happy.

[wanttomoveeast]

good thoughts on the job and housing market. Housing: I've done my checking. San Diego is actually higher. But then on jobs: Miami has plenty, just lower pay. San Diego has tons of IT jobs, but he doesn't want that area because of his family being so close.

We can try to land jobs beforehand, but it's unlikely. We probably wouldn't be hired over the phone, and traveling to Miami just for an interview would be costly and would lower our savings (we are building up 6 mos. living expenses.) Also, it's not like we aren't moving with a huge nest egg. We are bringing 6 mos. of living expenses (incl. rent) because of the job situation. I've thought of vacationing there instead of out of the country -- it is the smarter thing to do. Funny thing though, a week in Costa Rica is half the cost of a week in Miami or San Diego.

I respect your opinion on not moving without a job and assuming we will find work whereever we live, except for one thing: We want a big city, which narrows down where we will live. We are unlike many people who enjoy small towns, we hate them. That said, to us, moving to a big city increases job opps highly. There is also stuff I didn't make clear, such as his govt. clearances, my education and work experience, etc. Trust me, jobs will be no issue for me.

But I do agree with the first poster in that he doesn't feel comfortable, which means that doesn't work for us as a married couple, even if I am comfortable.

So I guess I pretty much agree with most of you, it is a significant concern. But there are concerns and then there is just self-defeatism. Either we move or we don't. It's really that simple. Either you just sit where you are because it's comfortable, or you take a leap and discover what life is really like.

My problem is that I'm worried I'll be settling by living here forever and while my husband is comfortable, I'm not.