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I agree with the others, you've got to be your own bestfriend. You know you can take care of yourself, he is just baggage and history. Learn from it and go on with your life, your career, your family. You will find happiness without him.
I read all your posts and thank you for not bashing me.
I have good self esteem, love myself and not needy.
My guy and me seem to be more like best friends with fringe benefits. I had hearth & home impt. to me, more to me than him obviously and I can see he's set in his ways. It's just too bad it's takin me this long to be fed up with it. Guess I've stayed in it as I weighed the choices. Lose best friend and not have him in my life? Or just stay with it as is. I'm sure not "looking" to be married and a good guy is hard to find anyway especailly where I live.
I don't think after all these years we've had together living separately we would even know how to live with eachother now. We'd drive eachother nuts in confined quarters for too long.
So I was just ranting and know I just have to leave it alone or leave. Thanks for actually reading my saga and all your input.
This is definitely a case where you'd be better off without him. There's no lonely like the loneliness you feel while in a relationship. He's obviously not willing to be there for you, and the fact that he's so callous about the things that are important in your life is very telling. Not only is he not a good boyfriend, he's not a good friend.
You deserve, and can find, so much better. I'm not talking about a better boyfriend. I'm talking about a better friend.
If ending this relationship cold turkey feels too final, the really good thing is you have your own home, family and career and can ease off the relationship by:
Cutting back on the time you spend together.
Focusing on and spending more time with your family and your home.
Joining a few community activities where you can make friends with other moms, including single ones who will relate to your situation.
Whatever you're depending on him for now, find other resources for those needs. Don't ask him for favors.
Commiting to avoiding physical intimacy with him. He may decide to end the "friendship" himself if there are no longer benefits.
Not succumbing to charms,guilt,anger or cajoling to reinitiate a sexual relationship. You will have to keep yourself strong as this is probably a source of comfort and connection for you as well.
If he wants to continue to see you without the carrot of sex, then have dinner out, talk on the phone but don't spend alot of time together. Enjoy the pleasant familiarity of having occasional contact but don't depend on it.
This will allow you to see whether there are actually any real attributes of friendship remaining when you take sex out of the mix or if there is no friendship without benefits.
You may not be ready to chance giving up whatever you're getting from the relationship now. These are suggestions for transitioning out without the trauma of a big break. Just as hard when it comes to willpower but not so immediately emotionally jarring. Having your own house and financial independence is half the battle and a foundation that allows you to disengage without an upfront showdown; more gently phasing out of the relationship as much as is possible.
I thought I read this somewhere on here before..
anyhoo.. leave. You will make new friends but before you do that you will need to take time for yourself, relearn about yourself and go on with life.
You are doing yourself an injustice and your kids the same by staying. Move, leave, start over. It's not as scary as you think.
You did.. Dimsum had a similiar predicament... about a long distance thing or something to that effect.. and I tell this individual the same thing I told her.. get out and stay out of his life.. he is not worth the time or hurt... there are plenty of fish out in the sea..
Sooner or later you will run into that fish and hook him
As others have said, if this guy is your best friend I would sure hate to see your worst enemy.
What is it -- besides the idea of having a man and not being alone -- that you still love about this guy? His kindness? His understanding? His helpfulness? None of those things can be it.....
"Why buy the milk when you can get the cow for free".
I love free milk.
But if I had to marry the old cow I would rather pay $4.00 a gallon at Safeway.
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