Are People Never Satisfied? (dating, marriage, love, single)

[DennyCrane]

I saw this article which talks about how part of the reason people aren't happy these days is because they're always looking for something or someone better.

Karen Salmansohn: Today's #1 Dating Problem: Love Maximization - Living on The Huffington Post

And it makes a lot of sense. We as a culture don't seem to settle anymore. In the old days, people stuck with the same job for decades. Now, we change jobs every 3 years. It could be for more money, better benefits, better hours, or plenty of other reasons. The point is that we're convinced there's always a better job out there. And it seems like we do that with our relationships as well. A person could be with someone who makes them happy, but they might also be wondering if they could do better. They're bombarded by images of people who are thinner, younger, sexier, funnier, etc. and start to think they've settled too much. Maybe that's why divorce and infidelity are more common these days. In the end, it says a lot about the person that they're willing to discard their partner for what they think is someone better. Maybe we're just a culture of spoiled children who can't appreciate what we have.

[MonaLisaVito]

Originally Posted by DennyCrane

Maybe we're just a culture of spoiled children who can't appreciate what we have.

I think you just answered your own question.

[DennyCrane]

It's sad. It means that so many of us are destined to never be truly happy. Think how many relationships have been ruined all because one partner got it in their head that they could do even better. That kind of greediness is perhaps the worst kind of all.

[sierraAZ]

The article makes perfect sense to me. Too much choice is NOT a good thing in any area! There are even books on the subject. I've been meaning to buy one.

I didn't grow up here and I can compare experiences as I wasn’t surrounded by abundance of choices for the (still) bigger portion of my life. When I could only choose among a few things life was easy. Too much choice is overwhelming and confusing. My Mom hated going to the malls here. They were making her dizzy. As if it wasn't bad enough already, but then the Internet had to come on the scene... I can't make a friggin' decision anymore. Have to "finish" the Internet in order to make it and it's obviously impossible and frustrating. I'm not one to go for the biggest, bestest, newest, but when I do decide to buy something I try to optimize to a point of making myself sick of myself.

This is repetitive to some, but it comes to mind in this context again. At about the same time I wanted to buy a nice watch and got married. Had I spent the amount of time I allocated for the watch search on getting to know my husband, perhaps we would've never gotten married. Granted, I love the watch and it will last a lifetime, so perhaps optimizing is not such a bad concept after all.

I don't have the same approach (being anxious about something better around the corner) to people; however, I can see how this unhealthy way of thinking affects personal relationships as well.

[arod0331]

Some people are, some people aren't. Happiness is wherever you can find it.

[Miss Martha]

I don't even know where to begin! I completely agree with the article and have said quite often in my life that my generation is SO SPOILED. They think they can have everything on a silver platter and GOD FORBID their parent's teach them to take responsibility for their own actions! I think it is wonderful that there are writers out there who aren't afraid to state the truth. It is very sad and I wish there was something we could do about it, but unfortunately people who feel this way and view life this way probably see nothing wrong with it and will continue to be unhappy.

I am very lucky to have my DH and he feels the same way about me! I think that we are the lucky ones!

[optiflex]

Why not try to plan on NOT have a long standing relationship! At my age..everybody available is a relationship failure anyways. This allows you to get to know a wide variety, be known by a wide variety, and if somebody really clicks with you, you'll know. Bu you'll be relaxed and somewhat guarded against it, unless you feel it's really good.

[SifuPhil]

Originally Posted by optiflex

At my age..everybody available is a relationship failure anyways.

That's quite a statement...perhaps it might better be put in context by remembering that one person's failure is another's success.

How did they fail? Or, more precisely, to whom does it appear that they failed? If I were to take your statement at face value, I'd be locking myself up in a closet right about now...what's the point, right? They're all failures!

Did they fail at marriage? Marriage is only one form of relationship. Did they fail to find a BF/GF? So what? Maybe they were busy fulfilling a life dream during those years. Were they practically a monk or nun? So what? They succeeded at staying single, right? They aren't full of venom like so many divorced people, right? They don't have that particular albatross around their neck, right?

I'd call that a success...just as I'd call those who sit in judgement on the sidelines, failures. (Not saying you - saying in theory :>))

[optiflex]

That's what I been doing wrong! I'm gonna start cruising the convents looking for nuns!
Theyy still love god, their just no longer "in love" w him!

[sierraAZ]

Originally Posted by optiflex

At my age..everybody available is a relationship failure anyways.

Everybody BUT you I take it...?