A moral question in a unique relationships (boyfriend, women, love)

[RangerDuke08]

So this has come up quite a few times in the past and it's probably the first time I'm actually seriously considered it ... I'm 27 and this girl is 22, she just graduated college and she is taking up the Peace Corp program, well we always make eye contact with each other, joke around and we get along real well all in all. Of course there's always a catch ... the catch is she has a boyfriend, and we all know they will break up once she leaves for the Peace Corp. So basically, we're not talking forever, we're talking about right now, I'd generally feel wrong about it, but I actually feel right about it this time, the reason is its "better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all", not to mention 27 years of my life, this is probably the most gorgeous girl I have ever met, my dream girl, what would you do and why?

[mlammons]

Nothing.

Wait until she is broken up from the other guy and go from there.

[RangerDuke08]

Originally Posted by mlammons

Nothing.

Wait until she is broken up from the other guy and go from there.

I would if I could but she'd be halfway around the world by then.

[Rakin]

I would try and at least let her know how I felt. Then leave the door open but don't waste a few years waiting.

You'll regret at least not trying.

[cmacf1]

Having been a Peace Corps VOlunteer and having broken up with a boyfriend upon leaving for Africa, I can tell you that I would have greatly appreciated some other guy who was hot for me writing letters to me. I don't know if she'll have computer access (I sure didn't since it was 1983 - I didn't have electricity or water either,) but if she doesn't, believe me, she would appreciate letters from you (or email if she does have frequent computer access.) Even if you're just friends, letters are wonderful to get when you're isolated from a lot of what you're familiar with. She will REALLY appreciate it, believe me.

Do you know what country she's going to? Perhaps after writing for a year you could decide to just take a trip there. If she's in a pretty exotic country (meaning one that isn't exactly on the tourist map,) when else would you get to visit somebody and have a free place to stay (if she invites you, of course) and get to go to a country that's off the beaten tourist track? And another thing to believe me about: travel is an aphrodisiac.

So get your pen and paper out and get ready to write her. Save your money and go visit her. And have a great time !

[RangerDuke08]

Originally Posted by cmacf1

Having been a Peace Corps VOlunteer and having broken up with a boyfriend upon leaving for Africa, I can tell you that I would have greatly appreciated some other guy who was hot for me writing letters to me. I don't know if she'll have computer access (I sure didn't since it was 1983 - I didn't have electricity or water either,) but if she doesn't, believe me, she would appreciate letters from you (or email if she does have frequent computer access.) Even if you're just friends, letters are wonderful to get when you're isolated from a lot of what you're familiar with. She will REALLY appreciate it, believe me.

Do you know what country she's going to? Perhaps after writing for a year you could decide to just take a trip there. If she's in a pretty exotic country (meaning one that isn't exactly on the tourist map,) when else would you get to visit somebody and have a free place to stay (if she invites you, of course) and get to go to a country that's off the beaten tourist track? And another thing to believe me about: travel is an aphrodisiac.

So get your pen and paper out and get ready to write her. Save your money and go visit her. And have a great time !

Thanks for the advice you are right, I actually have studied abroad and worked for the Dept. of State as well and I can tell you how heartwarming it is to recieve those letters, I guess I've just forgotten as I gotten older.

[undertheironsea]

If you're thinking of cheating with her, remember if they'll do it with you, they'll do it to you.

And someone breaking up with someone else for you doesn't end well. I had a girl dump a guy for me and I lived every other day for months looking over my shoulder for said dude to kick my ass.

[maf763]

What you decide to do is all well and good, but it probably depends more on what she decides to do. Making eye contact doesn't necessarily mean she'll sleep with you.

[Claire_F]

I don't know you, so I don't mean this as a personal insult, but what you're thinking of is a very sleazy, disgusting thing to do. She has a boyfriend, and it will be difficult enough for them to separate once she leaves. What you're thinking of doing will just throw a whole bunch of unnecessary, ugly drama into the mix. So when she ends the relationship with her boyfriend to leave for the Peace Corps, instead of having sweet memories of her relationship with the guy, she will potentially have a real mess to look back on.

Not cool. So very not cool.

If you really, really care about her, be her friend right now, and nothing more. Write to her while she's away. If you continue to care about her, then visit her if you can, and if things progress, then give it a go when she returns. But please don't turn her remaining time here into something messy. You'll just end up hurting someone you claim to care about.

[RangerDuke08]

Originally Posted by Claire_F

I don't know you, so I don't mean this as a personal insult, but what you're thinking of is a very sleazy, disgusting thing to do. She has a boyfriend, and it will be difficult enough for them to separate once she leaves. What you're thinking of doing will just throw a whole bunch of unnecessary, ugly drama into the mix. So when she ends the relationship with her boyfriend to leave for the Peace Corps, instead of having sweet memories of her relationship with the guy, she will potentially have a real mess to look back on.

Not cool. So very not cool.

If you really, really care about her, be her friend right now, and nothing more. Write to her while she's away. If you continue to care about her, then visit her if you can, and if things progress, then give it a go when she returns. But please don't turn her remaining time here into something messy. You'll just end up hurting someone you claim to care about.

No offense taken Claire and I understand what you are saying, a couple years back I firmly believed in it, not as I grew older. Firstly we live in a generation where men are asked to have respect for women, as in her own decision, thus as the previous poster said, it's more about her choice than it is mine.