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I moved out to KC a couple months ago with a friend who I have known for about 5 months. Two weeks ago he left town to help a friend out at his store, they work for the same company, he texed me a few days later to tell me he is not coming back! While helping his friend he was offered the manager position at a nearby store. This is great for him financially, not so much for me though! I know I am being selfish, but I cant help but feel a little bit abandoned. From the moment we met we have been inseperable, and he just left me without hesitation. I don't have any friends or family out here just a decent job. I received a promotion when I transfered out here but it was not the reason I moved here. I was bored where I was and had not lived there long enough to really make good friends. This move happend so fast I never thought about what would happen if he moved. I miss him like crazy but cant quit being angry because he just left me here alone! I go from wishing he would just come back to refusing to speak to him. I don't have the money to move or that would be exactly what I would do. I feel like I have lost the best friend I could have asked for but at the same time I dont know how he could be so great since he just left! Any ideas on how to clear my head and just get over it?
Every day is so freakin long!! I am not used to coming home and him not being here. While I was on vacation just a week before he left he wrote me a little letter telling me what a great friend I am and how happy he is to have me in his life and that the week I was gone was really long for him. I put it back in his room and pulled the door yesterday. Neither of us really let emotion take reign but both of us dive head first into situations most people would reconsider a million times before deciding. He is a few years older than me but acts at least ten years older so of the two of us I am kind of the reckless kid. I think he thought I would be fine and I probably would have assumed the same thing but I am a mess! I have talked to him a few times and he doesnt seem to have even an ounce of regret, whereas I yell then cry then yell some more!! I have never been much of a baby I usually try to be tough, but I have been emotionally out of control. The people in my everday life are sick of hearing about how sad I am one min and how I want to shoot him the next! I guess that is why I am here now!! Hahahaha
know the feeling. When I feel I've worn out my welcome griping to friends I come to C-D.
You'll probably get some really great feedback from the C-D folks. I've had some tough ones and regretted posting for opening myself up to the world.
Everytime they've come thru. Never judged, never gave me any crap, just were caring and had some great ideas. It does help to post here I've found. Hopefully you'll find some solice with some great caring feedback.
It hurts to lose someone. Be his friend and make some new ones. Maybe you'll hear how great things are for him. You'd want that for a friend wouldn't you?
I moved out to KC a couple months ago with a friend who I have known for about 5 months. Two weeks ago he left town to help a friend out at his store, they work for the same company, he texed me a few days later to tell me he is not coming back! While helping his friend he was offered the manager position at a nearby store. This is great for him financially, not so much for me though! I know I am being selfish, but I cant help but feel a little bit abandoned. From the moment we met we have been inseperable, and he just left me without hesitation. I don't have any friends or family out here just a decent job. I received a promotion when I transfered out here but it was not the reason I moved here. I was bored where I was and had not lived there long enough to really make good friends. This move happend so fast I never thought about what would happen if he moved. I miss him like crazy but cant quit being angry because he just left me here alone! I go from wishing he would just come back to refusing to speak to him. I don't have the money to move or that would be exactly what I would do. I feel like I have lost the best friend I could have asked for but at the same time I dont know how he could be so great since he just left! Any ideas on how to clear my head and just get over it?
Well, I would say that it was just a little bit more than friendship on your end wouldn't you???? hmmmmmmm????????
Assuming that you are female (can't tell from the screen name), you have to understand that friendship to men is a whole 'nuther animal than friendship (or dare I say it???? love) to a female. Men can maintain friendships THOUSANDS OF MILES APART for decades and it doesn't phase them in the least. Their priorities are completely different. Their approach to even the closest of friendships are completely different.
If you did not profess your "friendship" to him prior to his leaving (other than in a purely casual way), then he had no way of knowing that you felt this way, and that his departure would be difficult/painful for you. Do not blame him for not being able to read your mind. That is not fair.
If you are so sad at all this, then call him up and TELL HIM. He may decide that your company is more important than his new job - or not. Who knows? At least you will then have a point to move forward from rather than sitting around pining for him.
Every day is so freakin long!! I am not used to coming home and him not being here. While I was on vacation just a week before he left he wrote me a little letter telling me what a great friend I am and how happy he is to have me in his life and that the week I was gone was really long for him. I put it back in his room and pulled the door yesterday. Neither of us really let emotion take reign but both of us dive head first into situations most people would reconsider a million times before deciding. He is a few years older than me but acts at least ten years older so of the two of us I am kind of the reckless kid. I think he thought I would be fine and I probably would have assumed the same thing but I am a mess! I have talked to him a few times and he doesnt seem to have even an ounce of regret, whereas I yell then cry then yell some more!! I have never been much of a baby I usually try to be tough, but I have been emotionally out of control. The people in my everday life are sick of hearing about how sad I am one min and how I want to shoot him the next! I guess that is why I am here now!! Hahahaha
Wow, that is really a tough blow. I am sorry that you are feeling so hurt. Something that I have learned in this life though is that in order to have friends, I must learn to be a friend. I know it's difficult but in an effort to heal, you might try to look at it this way... if you are truely his friend, be happy for him. How do you want to be as a person? Decide that and then be it. It takes much bravery to grow sometimes.
Yea yea I am a girl! You are mostly right, except for it wasn't on my end. I tried to ignore that he had some extra feelings, and I thought they would go away,but he did instead. I have called him to tell him I miss him a ton of times and each time I want him to tell me that the friendship is worth more than any amount of money and that he made a mistake, but he wont even so much as hint at that. It seems that if he cant have me as more than his friend he doesnt want me in his life at all. It is confusing to me how he can have those feeling and still leave. I didnttell him how important to me he is before he left. He knows I am very proud of him. We both manage stores and have both moved up really quickly especially considering our ages. I would give my accomplishments, title, paycheck, and whatever else up for frienship though. I have moved around my entire life and I know how hard it is to find good friends. When I make one I assume that I will have that person for the rest of my life, and I know that it is naive way of thinking, but so far it has worked for me. I would like to think we can continue being friends, but accepting that it will never be the same is the hard part. I couldnt return his feelings and I feel like he couldnt possibly have cared about me half as much as he claimed to and then just left me here. When I asked him what makes this so easy for him he said it is because he is distracted by work. I still come home everyday to the apartment we got together that still has his stuff laying everywhere! My everyday life is the same except he isn't in it.
Last edited by Sic Semper Tyrannis; 07-15-2008 at 01:01 AM..
. I have called him to tell him I miss him a ton of times and each time I want him to tell me that the friendship is worth more than any amount of money and that he made a mistake, but he wont even so much as hint at that. It seems that if he cant have me as more than his friend he doesnt want me in his life at all. I have moved around my entire life and I know how hard it is to find good friends. When I make one I assume that I will have that person for the rest of my life, and I know that it is naive way of thinking, but so far it has worked for me. I would like to think we can continue being friends, but accepting that it will never be the same is the hard part. I couldnt return his feelings and I feel like he couldnt possibly have cared about me half as much as he claimed to and then just left me here. When I asked him what makes this so easy for him he said it is because he is distracted by work.
I'm hating your situation, but I also have reservations about it.
You've only known this guy for a few months.
I'm sure it does not make it any easier for you but you are sounding needy of him now.
Needy will drive anyone away or keep them away.
You may both be seeing the realtionship differently and on different levels.
You're hurt and need to talk about it. Talk about it, get it out.
Time will heal it if you can move on.
Offer friendship to your friend.
When you fall fast, the landing is harder.
Five months isn't long enough to really get to know someone.
I understand your feelings of disappointment and being lonely.
If you have a decent job and a decent place to live I would advise you to get on with your life where you are if you like the area or either go back to where family and friends are.
You can't make someone love you but you sometimes can't stop your feelings of love for another person either.
But there comes a time when you have to accept the facts and do what is best for you.
Pack up his things and store them in a place out of sight if one is available. Don't destroy them. You might be held legaly responsible if he comes back for them. Or he might change his mind and come back because he misses you.
Either way, he is not your best friend.
You are your best friend. Take care of you.
I am a girl too! As I look back on things (men) that hurt me, there is one thing in common. I was reacting to the change. I know you feel like you will never smile again. YOU WILL!!!! I promise!!! Try to do things differently, change you routine. Stay with us here, and we will stay with you. ((((HUGS)))).
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to him prior to his leaving (other than in a purely casual way), then he had no way of knowing that you felt this way, and that his departure would be difficult/painful for you. Do not blame him for not being able to read your mind. That is not fair.
