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When I was growing up I was told that you automatically respect some people based on their station in life. Your parents for example of the minister at the church.
WELL, lets start with this one minister. He laid out the plans for us KIDS to go ingathering for the church. They would excuse you from a day at school if you went out and did this. You asked for money and passed out religious tracts. He made NO EFFORT to investigate the safeness of the neighborhoods he sent us to and a group of kids were found and escorted from a VERY unsafe neighborhood and admonished by the police to NEVER return to this area. I felt that this man didn't deserve my respect after that little performance.
As for my parents, I feel that they didn't deserve my respect for the abuse I endured at their hands and the abuse I endured at the hands of my brother and sister. Your TITLE doesn't buy an indulgence for that.
It seems in my case my culture tried to set me up to be like a Stepford Wife, just follow along and don't ask any questions, don't upset the boat.
What brought this to mind is the thread where it speaks about Mothers who talk down to their daughters. Why do so many seem to just accept it like its OK? Its NOT OK !!
Anyone can give birth, anyone can exchange bodily fluids, that doesn't mean they deserve respect for that.
This kind of teaching is dangerous. It leads men into marriages where they are not respected, it leads women into marriages where they are not respected.
I was raised in a culture where the man was the head of the house hold so if he wanted to slap you around, you took it. You had no right to divorce and if you did you were NEVER allowed to remarry or you would go to hell. How insane is that?
I don't dole out my respect easily. You have to prove you deserve it before I bestow it on you. Throw around your titles, your degrees, your money, your political position, its all meaningless to me. Its all about how you behave, its all about how you treat people, its all about how you live your life.
Look, I'm sorry that your early life was such the horror show. But I totally disagree.
I don't believe that respect is something someone has to earn from me. I believe people have my respect until they do something or say something to erode it. Admittedly, for some, it doesn't take much time at all. But for dealing with the overwhelming majority of adult people, it's a pretty good way to live.
Otherwise, in your self-styled existence of the lonely individualist, what you're really doing with this attitude is handing down judgment on people you don't know the first thing about, and are really too lazy to learn their innate complexities. To me, that's a pretty crappy way to live.
Look, I'm sorry that your early life was such the horror show. But I totally disagree.
I don't believe that respect is something someone has to earn from me. I believe people have my respect until they do something or say something to erode it. Admittedly, for some, it doesn't take much time at all. But for dealing with the overwhelming majority of adult people, it's a pretty good way to live.
Otherwise, in your self-styled existence of the lonely individualist, what you're really doing with this attitude is handing down judgment on people you don't know the first thing about, and are really too lazy to learn their innate complexities. To me, that's a pretty crappy way to live.
Sorry but I disagree. You live how it works for you and I will do the same. I have met alot of people who by those kinds of standards deserved all kinds of respect but in the end were trashy people. I don't believe in things like money, titles and so forth buying respect.
Otherwise, in your self-styled existence of the lonely individualist, what you're really doing with this attitude is handing down judgment on people you don't know the first thing about, and are really too lazy to learn their innate complexities. To me, that's a pretty crappy way to live.
Isn't that what many police departments call "profiling"? Doesn't seem to stop THEM much...
Sorry but I disagree. You live how it works for you and I will do the same. I have met alot of people who by those kinds of standards deserved all kinds of respect but in the end were trashy people. I don't believe in things like money, titles and so forth buying respect.
Who said anything about money and titles being the determinants of respect? My friends come from all walks of life. Our parties are pretty interesting mixes of people.
And, quite frankly, if you begin any relationship with any person from a position of skepticism and disrespect (which is really the only way to put it), how can you really get to know anybody at all? A person with any self-esteem and character would eventually just avoid you altogether, chiefly because they'll grow tired of wondering what rarefied standards you'll impose on them this week.
It's just way too much work to befriend somebody with an ungenerous heart and, what's more, the rewards are miniscule. For even if somebody manages to navigate the minefield to fulfill whatever you deem acceptable and trustworthy in a person, they will spend the duration of their relationship on the knife's edge, wondering what trivial statement or petty misstep will cause them to fall off your Favored Friends List. After all, people are fallible, including you. And we love our friends for their qualities, and try to overlook their flaws. And people who spend their days expecting the worst in others and magnifying their faults wind up living impoverished lives.
I respect a person who can be honest and direct with me. I do not care if I do not agree with what you say or maybe it isn't necessarily what I want to hear, but if you are honest and direct with me you have my utmost respect. I tire of people who think I am an idiot and cannot see through them.
I respect a person who can be honest and direct with me. I do not care if I do not agree with what you say or maybe it isn't necessarily what I want to hear, but if you are honest and direct with me you have my utmost respect. I tire of people who think I am an idiot and cannot see through them.
I hated being told as a kid to respect certain people just because of their relationship to me, parents for instance. Because to me it is flat out wrong to respect someone who is violent and abusive even if they are parents or grandparents. That puts children in a dangerous situation (to be "obedient" and "good" then means allowing violence and abuse to occur and continue).
Bottom line, I hate double standards, and I hate kids being put in dangerous, violent, humiliating situations. I respect and honor my children too much to compromise them in any way. Safety and respect and dignity for my children (and for all children) far outweighs any "respect your elders" in my book, especially when those elders are acting in ways that are demeaning and manipulative.
So I told my kids respect is earned, trust their gut, and for anyone to touch them physically requires their permission, including relatives. Nothing creepier than forcing kisses and squeezes from lecherous creepy relatives on children. yuk
i also agree with you it is important to question authority of ALL KINDS. I teach my children to question ANY AND ALL authority, including me as a parent, including teachers, including all of it. I want them to think for themselves, trust their gut, and honor truth.
I respect someone whose words match their actions
NOT a hypocrite, i abhor double standards
I respect someone who is honest (doesn't get caught in lies)
I respect someone who doesn't lie, cheat, steal (my millionaire ex? cheated on his taxes. I simply could not get around that)
I respect someone who values all humans and is not a snob or racist or homophobic
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Not that we aren't really... Mentally we might be even younger.
Doesn't seem to stop THEM much...
