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Old 05-26-2009, 10:10 AM
Location: Texas
8,062 posts, read 15,227,815 times
Reputation: 3637


Originally Posted by Glitterific View Post
I would have assumed the same thing before I began researching divorce laws. Very few states have anything that says a man will lose half of everything if he has an affair. First off, it is difficult to prove intercourse when you don't have pictures, video, confession, etc.

Property splitting and alimony has much more to do with income disparity and who is reliquishing a career to raise children. THAT is what matters more than an affair (most of the time).

On top of that the judge may be in a bad mood that day, or your spouse may have a bulldog lawyer who knows how to play off the judge. It isn't as cut and dry as people may think.

As a matter of fact I only know of 1 state that will with no hesitation take adultery into consideration. It is written on the books.***

Other states rely more on the judges' discretion.

***If you are married to or will be married to an adulter(ess) and are thinking about getting rid of them, move to NC to file. :-)
When you walk into a courtroom, you're entering the great unknown and taking a risk. As you say, the judge has biases, the lawyers have their own ulterior motives involving winning and securing big fees. Oftentimes, what emerges from a courtroom sends common sense packing. This, in itself, has a big chilling effect and most people don't want to bet their finances and such on what a judge could rule!

Geez, I wasn't even married but I had to do the court dance when it came to custody of our son. Now, you would think that my ex would simply want to settle quickly and be done with it, given that he had a restraining order against him for domestic violence, I had letters he wrote to me admitting everything he had done to us and begging forgiveness, and he had a few DWIs on his record. Nope! He apparently conned his lawyer and his lawyer was dreaming of fat fees so he sued me for sole custody!

Heh, it was in the discovery phase when his lawyer was hit with the truth about his client and was begging to settle through mediation. I agreed. I wanted nothing but custody and the ability to move on with our lives. But it took longer than it should have because my ex tried to use it as a final act of punishment.

Anything involving court is a gamble so it's not surprising that even unhappy couples don't want to go there.
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Old 06-03-2009, 08:03 PM
5 posts, read 6,770 times
Reputation: 13
Originally Posted by Donna7 View Post
You've been having affairs with married men for 1/2 of your 52 years on this earth? This means that you've been skanking around for 26 years and you're supposed to be congratulated and given some sort of Lady of the Skank medal? You have to be kidding me!

Listen here, my mom and dad got a divorce in 1968 because my Dad was having an affair with some bimbo; the bimbo turned out to be a friend of my mom's. The affair caused a divorce, leaving me and my brother (who was just a baby) to leave Europe and come here and grow up with a single mother who had to work very hard to raise us by herself. My mom and dad did start corresponding with each other 16 years later after he got a divorce and after the birth of my first son.

Unfortunately, they are both gone now and it would have been nice to grow up with a mom and a dad. Not having that has left certain deep scars in by my brother and I (40 and 46, respectively). No one has a perfect childhood. Our childhood AND adulthood would have been a lot better had the affair and subsequent divorce not happened. It forever changed the direction and course of our lives - every one of ours, from my dad, to my mom, to my brother, to myself. I am fortunate that I have been in a good marriage for 25+ years; my brother has not fared so well. He has had behavioral problems most of his life; most of them stemming from low self-esteem and never having a good role model to draw from.

I could give a rat's behind about how Denise or whatever her name feels like, if she's depressed, whatever. She can go drop dead for all I care. You must not care either as who knows who many lives you've ruined because you have no self-esteem of your own. I can't imagine that anyone who's been involved with married men for 26 years (out of 52) has any self-respect or self-esteem for one's self.

P.S. - Re-reading your post I'm not understanding if you're a simple skank or if you're some sort of skank counselor as you said that you "counseled" people. If it's the former, you're the one that needs counseling. Just because you've entrenched yourself with the dregs of society doesn't earn you a medal as far as I'm concerned.

And God, no!!!! Being a "friend" with a woman like that? One who has affairs with a married man? Judging her? Hello no! My problem with being a friend with a woman like that has nothing to do with Christianity or any other religion. It's more like "Once a skank, always a skank" motto. I don't remember reading any apologies from you, for ruining other people's lives.

Yes, they may have problems in their marriage. Many people do. So what do you do? "Counsel" them by having affairs with the spouse? Oh, what a good-doer you are. Like I said before, you need a medal or something. You should be commended for providing such a valuable service.

What a messed up world we live in when the cheaters and their co-horts want the sympathy, the "understanding." Waah, waah.
Donna, Donna O Donna.......such anger.
Wow....... and I was going to stay out of this......but with your childish..... Immature response, misquoting me from the very beginning, which I might add, said nothing of my having affairs....... especially with men. No, I was a counselor.
You just wanted to sling your hatred........
What I really think is with your being 46 years old...... you need to let it go. Your bitterness that you take out on others for your father's misdeeds helps no one.......
Please feel free to call me a "simple skank" or a "skank counselor" if it makes you feel better....... I'm sure I've been called worse.
You have INTENTIONALLY misinterpeted what I said......
How quick you are to judge me......... I actually said "Leaving any type of Christianity out of it......."
Yet you bring it up as some type of defense for your acid remarks.
You make personal attacks on me............ for what?
I never condoned what she was doing........... she may not have all of her ducks in a row, concerning relationships. She may be having problems like your brother is having????????????
But of course, I place no blame on your brother.....nor did you.....instead it was your father's fault.
The simple fact is "We each are responsible for our own actions".
And sometimes they are hard to face and sometimes even harder to rectify..........

Such harsh words,
"P.S. - Re-reading your post I'm not understanding if you're a simple skank or if you're some sort of skank counselor as you said that you "counseled" people. If it's the former, you're the one that needs counseling. Just because you've entrenched yourself with the dregs of society doesn't earn you a medal as far as I'm concerned. "
I'm just not sure what we should do with these as you called them "dregs of society" ?
I can tell you for sure....... I've never run across a "dreg" with such hatred and bitterness as you!

Now I agree with you........ your lives would have been better had ther been no divorce!
I've always said "There are no winners in a divorce and Children get hurt the worst!"

Now, let me address your statement "Once a skank, always a skank" motto.
I don't remember reading any angry and bitter words from you, for your father ruining people's lives."
Yet, in speaking of your father who according to your reasoning, shouldn't you address him as "always a skank?".... but no, you chose a very telling choice of words. She was a "bimbo" but he was your father and actually began to speak with your mother after 16 years. I applaud that!
So............. you words are not correct....... "Once a skank, always a skank".

And Donna.......never did you read in my post that I had sympathy for her........empathy, yes.
My advice was for her to walk away........ what is wrong with that?
But if you had correctly quoted me, then of course you wouldn't be able to take your childish, immature anger out on Denise and myself.

And, isn't a little shameless to blame your brother's problems on the divorce, yet you turned out with a perfectly good 25 year marriage.
And a relationship with your father (Skank? I'm not sure I would ever use such harsh words toward him) changed so that you actually said, "Unfortunately, they are both gone now"
You mean you actually give a rat's ass about someone who in you words lives fully up to what you classify as a "Skank". Your words not mine.

So..... let me see if I've got you right.
I'm a skank counselor.......
Denise is a skank that can never be anything else but a skank........
And your father............... hmmmmmmm ?

While I will not lie about enjoying your silly banter....... you have some deep seated issues.
You my friend are like "Burger King" You want it "Your way".
You can have, not sympathy, but understanding for your father who was just as guilty.....no, even more guilty, because he actually divorced your mother.........

And why did you not spit on your father's grave when he died? Since you didn't give a rat's behind about Denise's feelings and "She can drop dead for all I care."
Oh, Donna......... did you cry when your father died?
Did you feel sad?

No, I think I and all who read this will understand the double standard that you use when the crap is in you own family's backyard!

I just don't see the need for so much anger and animosity that you and other's had.
I never used the word "sympathy", but the word "compassion"

Let me give the definitions to you:
Your word Sympathy: Feeling corresponding to that which another feels; the quality of being affected by the affection of another, with feelings correspondent in kind, if not in degree; fellow-feeling.

My word Empathy: Identification with and understanding of another's situation, feelings, and motives.

What a great difference in choice of words.........of course because of your anger and animosity you choose to misquote me.

If your going to respond to my stuff......... at least quote me correctly.
And please let me know how you feel about your father........... or do you still, or did you ever place him in Denise's shoes?
Of course he was in the wrong to a much, much greater degree....... he divorced your mother.
Denise was torn and trying to do the right thing by reaching out AND NO ONE CONDONED IT, NO, NOT ONE!

Just you "HATERS" wrote your drivel about her.
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Old 06-03-2009, 08:07 PM
Location: southern california
53,432 posts, read 68,342,798 times
Reputation: 45012
being in love is often a passport to hell.
you know 2 things about him.
he lies, he cheats
you learned plenty about yourself.
too, good job.
now focus on dealing with your
own defects of character and less about him and her
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Old 10-03-2009, 09:43 PM
1 posts, read 1,171 times
Reputation: 10
After reading this entire thread i hope Denise is on the right track to recovery. I feel for her as my ex 24 also cheated on me with a married man with 2 kids twice her age. She thinks this man is the most sincere thing since he said that "hes afraid that you'll make me leave my wife". She refuses to acknowledge anything that me and her friends say to her as she is in her honeymoon stage with this man. It's hard knowing that shes suffereing everyday and trying to live two lives and it sounds so similar to what denise is going through. She knows there's no future with this man yet she continues to have an affair with him. To her withdrawing from this man is like a drug rehab. I don't know if shes in it to have her cake and be independent too. This type of stories are just tragic and its a terrible blow to the victim being cheated on as the pain is like no other especially if you loved your SO.
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Old 10-03-2009, 09:47 PM
Location: San Leandro
4,577 posts, read 7,195,206 times
Reputation: 3248
LoL it is stories like me that make me thankful I met my wife at church. When I got hitched i knew I had hit the jack pot. People who have genuine FAITH tend to be FAITHFUL.
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Old 10-03-2009, 09:59 PM
25,948 posts, read 24,337,071 times
Reputation: 26601
Always remember this golden rule: What a person can do with you - they can do to you.
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Old 10-03-2009, 10:04 PM
11,570 posts, read 12,873,240 times
Reputation: 18652
You can't help who you fall for. It's really hard and I understand that. I fell for a guy who was otherwise taken, but not married. Learned a hard lesson there.

Save yourself, because I guarantee you, he is not going to keep you from sinking.
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Old 10-03-2009, 10:27 PM
691 posts, read 1,926,542 times
Reputation: 760
Run, do not walk, away. I have a friend, who has been dating a married man for over 35 years. He is STILL living with his wife, and they still DATE. 35 YEARS! His wife knows who she is, and she knows his kids, honestly, she is heart broken, and says that she should have left him years ago, but it just got to be comfortable for her, and she is mad at herself for never getting it together to look for someone else. 35 YEARS. Okay? This is for real.

Dating married men only works if you don't really love them, and either are just hanging out with them for awhile, or you want them to leave their wife because you want their money/status. That way, you don't get hurt when they treat you like crap. In your case though, you are just asking for heartbreak.

The problem I have with dating married men, is that honesty is very important to me. And I cannot stand people who lie. A married man, who is sleeping around is lying to his wife, his girlfriends, and to himself.

The more you do things that are against your value system, the lower your self esteem will go down, because you justify the behavior, but it does not change your core beliefs and value system. Therefore, your self esteem goes down. When you live a life that is in line with your beliefs and values, your self esteem will go up. Think about that.
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Old 10-03-2009, 10:40 PM
Location: DFW - Coppell / Las Colinas
26,542 posts, read 31,019,385 times
Reputation: 31043
Was it Shalespeare who said "When a man makes his mistress his wife, he'll always replace the mistress" ?
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Old 10-03-2009, 10:45 PM
Location: West Palm
21 posts, read 39,637 times
Reputation: 40
I think you might have some self esteem issues to deal with first of all. Second of all, you know what you are doing is wrong. One very important thing you need to think about is his WIFE loves him!! He doesn't need love from you. Do you know this woman at all? How do you know she isn't planning your DEATH?!! Women can be territorial about their men! Haven't you ever heard of a crime of passion? Leave that whole thing alone right after you apologize to the woman who had her heart broke!
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