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I've also heard you should wait three years. That sounds like an awful long time to me, but the logic is that in that amount of time you will have allowed the relationship to go through a number of transitions and allow things to settle into reality.
But I don't know. This weekend a good friend who was happily married to another great person for 18 years told me that they're getting divorced. I believe that it was a loving, healthy marriage for much of that time.
Provided that the two people involved are of age and looking for a marriage partner. How long do you think is appropriate for people to date before approaching marriage so that they know each other well enough to make an informed choice?
Since you mentioned that the people involved are of legal age I am guessing that you are eighteen at the least. Don't matter, though, just an observation.
My personal take is that someone should wait until they are at least 25 before they even think about marriage, but what do I know? The dynamics of marriage are not the same now as they were 100, or even 50 years ago.
As far as myself is concerned, I would wait five years of exclusively dating the same woman with at least two years of living together. For everyone else, at least three years of dating with one to two years of living together.
I know that some people do not agree with living together before marriage, maybe some are old fashioned, or maybe for religious reasons, but shacking up before marriage is the key. It doesn't matter how much you love some one, or how much you feel like you are in love, moving in with that person changes everything. EVERYTHING. Sometimes that change is good, sometimes not, but if two people cannot live together as a 'single' couple, then they sure as heck cannot live together as a married couple.
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Originally Posted by Rance
We're looking at 18 months before getting married. I'll be glad when the wait is over! It's been like forever!
Just out of curiosity; why are you so hell bent on getting married?
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Originally Posted by EllenOlenska
why do people get engaged before marrying anyway?
Engagements served two purposes: One was to make a promise to the woman that the man had intentions of marrying her, and it was put off until a later date to give everyone involved plenty of time to plan (and save money for) for the big day. The second purpose was that it was a way of saying that the woman was now off-limits to everyone else as she is now 'taken'. Archaic, but there you go.
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Originally Posted by Timm
It's a way of bring the relationship to another level, a more intimate commitment, without yet rushing into the whole wedding/marriage. I see it as an intermediate step between just dating and being married.
To me, that intermediate step between just dating and being married is having a full-fledged GF. I don't see how being engaged is any more intimate unless like in my above comment, you are old-fashioned or religious. I am not saying that either of the two are wrong, by the way.
Just out of curiosity; why are you so hell bent on getting married?
Because I've spent the last 17 years single (no I'm not 18) and am flat frickin tired of it. I've always wanted to be married. Having a girl friend is not enough for me. GF's are a dime a dozen. I want to be the proud husband of a wonderful wife!
I've also heard you should wait three years. That sounds like an awful long time to me, but the logic is that in that amount of time you will have allowed the relationship to go through a number of transitions and allow things to settle into reality.
But I don't know. This weekend a good friend who was happily married to another great person for 18 years told me that they're getting divorced. I believe that it was a loving, healthy marriage for much of that time.
You never know what's going to happen.
I've heard about the 3 year rule too! I don't know if that's necessary. I mean, part of being together is growing together too, so I don't know if I want to date through all those transitions.
and even if you do know them, mr right can magically change b4 your eyes.
example----- my all time record was going from a military type very disciplined high stamina physically perfect in every way to a funny looking old ....... leering at her in the shower in just 6 weeks!!!!!
I've also heard you should wait three years. That sounds like an awful long time to me, but the logic is that in that amount of time you will have allowed the relationship to go through a number of transitions and allow things to settle into reality.
I'd say (provided you live with somebody) a year or two are perfectly sufficient to "settle into reality." I might be wrong, though, because the piece of paper that seems so unimportant (and yet many don't wanna sign it) somehow does have the magic power to turn things upside down.
Long enough to see them at their worst, to get to know their family and friends and how they handle those relationships, and whether or not they can roll with the punches of life.
There are circumstances in which these things could be revealed quickly, but for most relationships..at least a year.
Yes, in part I do. Parts of it I can only surmize. They both changed over the course of years. I don't suspect infidelity or abuse.
They also spent a substantial time in counseling trying to work it out.
Still it's sad. They were a good couple for a long time.
And to answer your original question a little better, I don't think that the amount of time they spent during their courtship years would have had any bearing on the eventual outcome of the marriage.
We dated for 19 months, got engaged, then got married 3 months later. We had each been married before and were in our early 40s when we got married. Our 7th anniversary is next month .
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