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View Poll Results: Who raises the children when mom works
The parents 13 48.15%
The day care provider 9 33.33%
No one, they raise themselves 5 18.52%
Voters: 27. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 07-21-2008, 10:56 AM
 
Location: Tucson
42,846 posts, read 52,738,861 times
Reputation: 22742
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
Are you sure?

I didn't put that down because, realistically, all kids are raised by society. Parents just don't raise their children in isolation. There will be grand parents, aunts and uncles, neighbors, sunday school teachers, etc, etc, etc... who will all have a hand in raising the children. The distinction I'm looking for is if mom works vs. not working. Whether we work or not, others assist us in raising our children. So the villiage is there (idiots and all) regardless of work status.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure the society/mass culture raises them all. Watched an interesting movie this weekend - The Namesake. It was about an Indian family who moved here and their children were born and raised here. Naturally I'm interested in such topics. It's quite the drama to give birth and raise foreigners in you own house... That's one of the reasons I never attempted to have a child.
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Old 07-21-2008, 11:02 AM
 
Location: Midwest
1,167 posts, read 980,875 times
Reputation: 1488
Directed at Mari4Him's last post: If this is your logic, you should also take out the 2 hours plus during the day that the child is napping, since quality time cannot happen while the child is sleeping. Also, what is the equation if the child goes to daycare from 10 am until 5 pm only 3 days a week.

Not directed at any specific post, just the anti working mother posts in general: AND, I am not saying that ALL stay at home moms do this so please do not butcher me for this, but some stay at home mothers do not spend much quality time with their children either. They watch their soap operas and let their children smear their poop all over their walls. I do not have this view on stay at home mothers as my mother was one and I am very close to several wome who are SAHMoms, but I have known a few mothers who were like this (and I'm sure some working mothers are like that as well).

Last edited by Miss Martha; 07-21-2008 at 11:37 AM..
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Old 07-21-2008, 11:23 AM
Status: "Current ear worm - charming Billy..." (set 12 days ago)
 
Location: Whoville....
21,782 posts, read 15,889,839 times
Reputation: 11358
Quote:
Originally Posted by mari4him View Post
If an infant/child spends from 8-6 M-F at a daycare while both parents work 9-5, for example, that is 10 hours a day x 5 = 50 hours a week at the daycare.

If then the child has say a 9pm bedtime that leaves 3 hours a day M-F with the parents for a total of 15 hours during the week with parents. Then say Sat & Sun offers 8am - 9pm each day that is 13 hours x 2 = 26 hours on the weekend. 26 hours then plus the other 15 hours = 41 hours total during the week, versus the 50 hours they spent at daycare.

You can't really count sleeping hours here because no parenting is going on while the child is sleeping.

The key is not in the quantity of time, however, but much rather in the quality of time. It is not how long you are spending with the child/children so much as what you are actually doing and accomplishing with them during that time. Are you actively parenting or not. That is where the difference would come in.
Oh, I'm rolling on the floor. OIC, nap time at day care counts as time with the day care provider but sleep time at night at home doesn't count as time with the parents (at least you were consistent and gave the parents nap time on the weekend, lol)? Either reduce the hours in day care by nap time or give the parents credit for sleep time. It always cracks me up how people who want to show how daycares raise kids, creatively, include nap time in day care hours but, conveniently, deduct sleep time from the parents total.

So which is it? Does sleep time count or not?

And then there's your 50+ hours a week. Where do you get that from? Certainly not the census data which has the total below 40 hours a week. You see, most babies have two parents who usually don't work the same shifts so the hours are less than 10 not 10+ (and here it's illegal to leave a preschooler in day care over 10 hours so 10 is the maximum)

You do go to extremes but even this extreme doesn't prove your point. You say the day care provider is raising the child if the child is in day care 50 hours a week. But baby sleeps 3 hours a day at day care reducing day care hours to 35. The parents still have the 15 hours per week in the evenings plus they have 20 on the weekend which means they are putting in just as much time as the day care provider. So how can you say the day care provider raises the child? If 35 hours a week is enough to raise a child for a day care provider, why isn't it enough for a parent?

Here's the flaw in your logic, raising children is NOT a 50 hour a week, Monday-Friday job with weekends and holidays off that is done when they are 5. It is just plain stupid to even try to make that argument.

There are 365 days in a year, 104 are weekends, most people have about 25 days off between vacations, holidays, personal days and sick days leaving 236 work days where baby spends part of their time in day care and part at home and 129 days where baby never goes to day care. There are no days where baby goes to day care but never goes home.

If the day care provider has 7 hours a day on work days with baby, parents have 3 on work days and 10 on non work days, the day care provider clocks 1652 hours per year and the parents 1998. Now riddle me this, how can the day care provider raise the child in 1652 hours per year but the parents don't have enough time to raise their own child in 1998 hours per year when the parents spend some time with the child all days while the day care provider takes 35% of the days off?"

Sorry, your math doesn't add up. Especially since you've chosen 10 hours a day which is very uncommon. You've based your whole argument on the rare case of 10 hours a day in day care but it still doesn't hold up. You see, raising childre isn't a 10 hour a day, Monday-Friday job with weekends, holidays, sick days, personal days and vacations off that is done when the child starts school. That's a description of a day care provider not a parent. I've shown that even using your extreme parents still clock more hours than day care providers but parents keep going after the day care provider has moved on to the next child. They keep going for over 3 times the 5 years preschoolers are in day care.

Next you'll try to tell me schools raise our kids because kids are in school more hours than with parents.
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Old 07-21-2008, 11:26 AM
 
Location: Where we enjoy all four seasons
20,460 posts, read 6,004,803 times
Reputation: 15647
I am a day care provider and I see all ways with this question..Everybody is different.

I am open from 7:30 to 5:30 days a week. That is 10 hours a day...and then some as some parents don't bother to show up until 6PM.
In most cases, we work (parents and I ) for the common good of the child. If you do not have that system then you have a confused child. We try to keep the things the same in both houses.
I have some parents who jump out of the car and cannot wait to get to their child which does my heart good. Some look so distressed in the mornings not being able to be with their children.
Some on the other hand, cannot wait to dump off their children and have no problem stating that "he/she is driving me crazy".
In my home we work on social skills...each child has every need met,we do arts and crafts, go out for walks, read, dance basically do everything to keep busy for the 10 hours without a TV.
They do take naps and I am grateful for the hour that it gives me to time to recharge my batteries.
Right now I have a 3 yr. old a 4 yr. old an 8 month old and a 9 month old. I work very hard with these children.
Each child is fed breakfast lunch and two snacks ....All meals are homemade (very rarely a sandwich) with the required fruits, veggies, grains ect., I will admit my hair stands on end when a parent will come in and say, I'm busy, we'll do McDonalds, or cereal or whatever because I gave them full squares in a day and they feel the child needs no more.
I know life is busy and stressful....

I have right now some wonderful parents to real horror shows. It depends. I actually had a set of parents once harass me for an entire weekend...my brother was killed in an accident and they could not believe that I did not provide in my contract for something like that and how dare I leave them high and dry.

I had another woman who was very perturbed because her baby had woken her up during the night to be fed..she actually said to me..."I tole my husband that B**ch probably didn't feed him right.

I have a parent now who is out of work at 11:30 Am and doesn't bother to pick up her baby until 4:30.

I love what I do, and I have been doing this for 28 years.....I guess there is no good answer to your question. I will admit I am not getting paid that well but I do it for the kids and I still get visits from some of the kids that have passed through my doors who are now in College.

I hope this makes sense. The trick is to work together with the provider and it will all work out very well.

I wouldn't argue about nap time etc.....you want quality not quantity.
Make every moment count with your children..they can have the best of both worlds.
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Old 07-21-2008, 11:30 AM
 
Location: Tucson
42,846 posts, read 52,738,861 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by crazyworld View Post
I am a day care provider and I see all ways with this question.
Is it true that parents are charged outrageous rates per minute if they're a little late picking up their kids?
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Old 07-21-2008, 11:35 AM
 
Location: Midwest
1,167 posts, read 980,875 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
Is it true that parents are charged outrageous rates per minute if they're a little late picking up their kids?
We only get charged $1 per minute, but I am always at least 45 minutes early! I have heard of daycares charging $5.00 or more per minute.

I have never heard of a daycare that didn't make allowances though, like if you are in a car accident and CANNOT get there by the time they close, they will waive the fee.
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Old 07-21-2008, 11:35 AM
 
Location: Happiness is found inside your smile :)
3,177 posts, read 9,902,999 times
Reputation: 1158
I need another poll.

I raise my kids - I say what goes

We have a nanny in OUR HOUSE, and a grandma, and each go by our rules
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Old 07-21-2008, 11:36 AM
 
Location: Maine
81 posts, read 107,094 times
Reputation: 53
If you are going to calculate the whole hours with the parent vs. hours at daycare, sleep time should definately count towards the parents. I don't know about you, but at our house my husband and I are the ones to get up when my daughter is sick or has a nightmare.

Personally I think counting hours spent with you child is a bit much. What happens when you are a stay at home parent and you child goes to school. This doesn't make you any less of a parent than working out of the home. You are a parent 24-7 whether you stay at home or work out of your home.
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Old 07-21-2008, 11:38 AM
 
Location: Where we enjoy all four seasons
20,460 posts, read 6,004,803 times
Reputation: 15647
Not here....
I do have it in my contract but we are very informal here...I did have one MOm though that waited 12 years to finally have her child....she dropped her off at 7:30 AM and as I said pick-up here is 5:30...I would get a call at 6:15 that "I am leaving my office in a few" Add on an hour for commute time. I missed Dr. appts and things with my own children sitting here waiting for parents to pick up.

This was not a one shot deal, it was all the time. What does that tell the child when they are still here and all the other kids went home a long time ago.

Some centers do charge. I just wanted the kids to go home at the end of the day. I too am tired and have a family.

Most parents will call me to say they are sitting in traffic and that is no problem. I would much rather the parents know that the kids are safe with me vs. them rushing and getting in an accident. If a parent is out doing their errands that is a whole different story.
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Old 07-21-2008, 11:41 AM
 
Location: Tucson
42,846 posts, read 52,738,861 times
Reputation: 22742
Quote:
Originally Posted by Miss Martha View Post
We only get charged $1 per minute, but I am always at least 45 minutes early! I have heard of daycares charging $5.00 or more per minute.

I have never heard of a daycare that didn't make allowances though, like if you are in a car accident and CANNOT get there by the time they close, they will waive the fee.
Unbelievable! I heard it from somebody who's generally a drama queen and I wasn't sure if it's true. Anybody can be held off at work or get in a traffic jam. Then you better make sure you get into an accident... I honestly can’t imagine how people raise kids here… particularly single parents. My hat goes off to them! Poor things.
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