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View Poll Results: Who raises the children when mom works
The parents 13 48.15%
The day care provider 9 33.33%
No one, they raise themselves 5 18.52%
Voters: 27. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 07-21-2008, 12:58 PM
Status: "Humming "Suicide is painless"" (set 15 days ago)
 
Location: Whoville....
21,282 posts, read 15,087,377 times
Reputation: 10768
Quote:
Originally Posted by crazyworld View Post
I didn't post to argue. I stated the way it is here.
In my case, I never said who raised the children. What I did say is that we work very hard (the parents and myself) for the common good of the children.
That is what it should be about.

Everyone is different and everyone's circumstances are different.
Please respect everyone's post and opinions.

There were no clear cut choices to your poll.

If one of the choices were parents and providers together then that would have been my answer.
One problem. It can't even be parents AND providers. Day care providers are usually out of the picture when kids start school. Kids aren't raised by the time they start school. So how much "raising" of a child did a day care provider (hand picked by the parent BTW) do?

People are giving way too much credit to the abiltiy of a day care provider to raise a child. When all is said and done, my kids probably won't remember their day care provider's name.

What my day care provider did is help me raise my kids the way I wanted them raised. She did not raise them for me or even with me. She cared for them when the people who were raising them weren't present. She did help me raise them.

I'd still like to know how anyone can think a day care provider raises children. Raising children just isn't a 50 hour a week job with weekends, holidays and vacations off that is done when the child starts school. It just isn't.
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Old 07-21-2008, 01:00 PM
 
Location: Where we enjoy all four seasons
20,337 posts, read 5,859,418 times
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Well then that is too bad because I still have the children that have crossed through my doors still keep in touch. I know I made a difference in children's lives. When I take on a family, they become part of our family when they are in my home.
I am sure you will tell me I am wrong though.
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Old 07-21-2008, 01:04 PM
Status: "Humming "Suicide is painless"" (set 15 days ago)
 
Location: Whoville....
21,282 posts, read 15,087,377 times
Reputation: 10768
Quote:
Originally Posted by mari4him View Post
You really love to assume much, misinterpret what I write and read far more into it than is there while totally disregarding the heart of what my view is. I refuse to discuss/argue anything with someone who choses to be ignorant, can't see beyond their own nose, is so stubborn about trying to prove themselves right that they don't even bother to truly read what someone has written and has an apparent axe to grind because of whatever hangups they may have based upon what they have been accused of for putting their children in daycare. The world is not out to get you. No need to be so defensive that you can't see what someone else is really saying.

Bottom line is I know what I am saying, what I mean by it, and what my views are on this subject. I am also sure others reading all of my posts can understand where I am coming from and what I am saying as well, that quality time superceeds quantity time when it comes to raising children. Therefore, I have nothing to prove to you. We'll just leave it at that, cause I have no interest in going back and forth with someone who again, will nitpick at my post and try to twist it around to fit their agenda.
I'm arguing against the misguided notion that day care providers raise our children because they don't. What they do is care for our kids when we are not there. In that, they assist us in raising our children but it is still me raising them. I even decide who their day care provider is. I make the choices that determine their experiences. No one I hire to help me do that changes that I raise my kids.

My point is simple. Raising children requires more than 50 hours a week, Monday-Friday with weekends, holidays and vacations off for 5 years. WAY MORE. Day care providers don't have enough time to raise a child so they can't. It's way more likely the parents who will be there all 18 years children are being actively raised are the ones raising them. With help, of course but everyone has help. None of us raise our kids in isolation.
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Old 07-21-2008, 01:06 PM
 
Location: In my view finder.....
8,525 posts, read 7,521,555 times
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I think Play Station,IPOd, YouTUBE/MySpace and XBOX are raising the children.........
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Old 07-21-2008, 01:06 PM
Status: "Humming "Suicide is painless"" (set 15 days ago)
 
Location: Whoville....
21,282 posts, read 15,087,377 times
Reputation: 10768
Quote:
Originally Posted by crazyworld View Post
Well then that is too bad because I still have the children that have crossed through my doors still keep in touch. I know I made a difference in children's lives. When I take on a family, they become part of our family when they are in my home.
I am sure you will tell me I am wrong though.
No one said they don't make a difference. I simply claim you did not raise the children who crossed through your doors.

I keep in touch with my grandmother too but she didn't raise me either.

Many people who don't raise us touch our lives. However, that doesn't mean they raised us or that we wouldnt' have turned out the same without them. If my kids had not had their particular day care provider, they would have had another. But they would have had the same home and parents so they still would have been raised the same.

IMO, parents raise the children whether they use day care or not. The parents are still responsible for the children. They make the choices that impact the child's life like who will be their day care provider for one. Raising children involves WAY MORE than providing care for certain hours for a few years. WAY MORE.
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Old 07-21-2008, 01:08 PM
Status: "Humming "Suicide is painless"" (set 15 days ago)
 
Location: Whoville....
21,282 posts, read 15,087,377 times
Reputation: 10768
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChicagoRon View Post
I think Play Station,IPOd, YouTUBE/MySpace and XBOX are raising the children.........
You must have met my 12 year old.....probably on my space...

There are days when I just want to pull the plug but she'll talk to me if I IM her
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Old 07-21-2008, 01:10 PM
 
Location: USA
1,246 posts, read 2,018,766 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
I agree with quality time superceding quantity time. I don't think quantity time is needed at all. I'm simply showing that parents have, at their disposal, quantity as well as quality. The amount of time you have speaks nothing to how you spend it. I just shot down the argument that day care providers raise kids based on hours.
MmmmHmmm... Anyway, speaking only for my posts which you so wished to disect and argue with, I NEVER said, nor took the position of argument, that daycares did raise the children based on hours. My argument throughout has been based on quality. The hour count came into play ONLY because of your question on the math in a given week. I stand by my view that it is quality that matters, whether it is daycare, home, school, whatever. A child is going to be raised correctly based upon the influences that are around that child and how much time AND effort is put into it. Regardless of who is doing it.

You know, my mom did raise me, but if I had to be honest about it and fair, I'd have to say so did my grandmother, maybe even moreso than my mother at least during younger years. Why? Because my dad skipped out and my mom was left to work 2 jobs, not by choice, but by need. Therefore the majority of my time growing up was spent with my grandmother. Not saying that what time my mother put in did not count, but my grandmother had a huge chuck of time at her disposal versus what my mom had.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
Actually, even throwing in quality, it's still not possible to make an argument for day care providers raising kids. They're usually out of the picture by the time kids start school and kids are nowhere near raised when they start school.
No they are not anywhere near fully raised by the time they start school, but heck if a lot of the foundation for that child and their raising is not already in there by age 5.

Like I said, for the purpose of this thread, the question asked and the choices given, I stand by my original post that I made in page 1 of the thread, reposted below.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mari4him View Post
I can't honestly answer any way in the poll as each situation may be different. It depends on the family dynamics and what actually takes place.

There are situations where both parents work and the children are in daycare etc, yet both of those parents are still fully involved in the raising of their children. On the flip side, there are even situations where one of the parents may be at home and that child is still raising themselves basically.

Some parents work outside the home and have no choice but to put their children in daycare, however when they are home, they are very actively involved in raising their children and instilling all the things needed to assure they are raised properly. However, there are situations and families where this is not the case. Both parents work outside the home and have no choice but to put the children in daycare, yet when home, either because of being to tired or simply not caring, the children are left to raise themselves.

There is just no clear cut answer to this question, in my opinion. It depends on the family.
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Old 07-21-2008, 01:17 PM
Status: "Humming "Suicide is painless"" (set 15 days ago)
 
Location: Whoville....
21,282 posts, read 15,087,377 times
Reputation: 10768
Quote:
Originally Posted by mari4him View Post
MmmmHmmm... Anyway, speaking only for my posts which you so wished to disect and argue with, I NEVER said, nor took the position of argument, that daycares did raise the children based on hours. My argument throughout has been based on quality. The hour count came into play ONLY because of your question on the math in a given week. I stand by my view that it is quality that matters, whether it is daycare, home, school, whatever. A child is going to be raised correctly based upon the influences that are around that child and how much time AND effort is put into it. Regardless of who is doing it.

You know, my mom did raise me, but if I had to be honest about it and fair, I'd have to say so did my grandmother, maybe even moreso than my mother at least during younger years. Why? Because my dad skipped out and my mom was left to work 2 jobs, not by choice, but by need. Therefore the majority of my time growing up was spent with my grandmother. Not saying that what time my mother put in did not count, but my grandmother had a huge chuck of time at her disposal versus what my mom had.



No they are not anywhere near fully raised by the time they start school, but heck if a lot of the foundation for that child and their raising is not already in there by age 5.

Like I said, for the purpose of this thread, the question asked and the choices given, I stand by my original post that I made in page 1 of the thread, reposted below.

Somewhat. Places like school and day care can't undo home. They can assist home but not undo it. Home, by virtue of being the environment kids spend the most of their time in for the most years will have the greatest influence whether that is high or low quality doesn't matter it will have the greatest influence. High quality inputs elsewhere in a child's life can help if home life is struggling but are unlikely to do much if home life is dismal. I WISH kids just picked up on the best influences and decided to let those be the ones that contribute to raising them.

No, most of the foundation is not laid for raising a child by age 5. Not even close. It's just starting to be laid. The first three years aren't much more than learning to walk, talk and control their bodies. Very little foundation work or raising is being laid then. You could remove a 5 year old from their enironment (provided no damage has been done by a bad environement) and they won't show any influence of the early environment later on. (of course you can do physical or psychological harm to the point it's permanent but I'm assuming non harmful environements here). Most of us have few memories before about age 5. Most of mine are from about 3rd grade on.

Personally, I don't even remember my day care providers except one who was mean. All the others have faded into the mist. The people who raised me, my parents and relatives, however, have not. They are permanently etched on my soul. Yes there are people who were of high quality who made an impact but that is within context. My algebra teacher who influenced the direction of my education had her impact within the scope of her influence. She did not raise me. She impacted the direction of my education which was her job. Our day care provider's job was to care for our kids not raise them. My job is to raise them. There's not much she could have done in those 5 years to undo what I will do in 18.
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Old 07-21-2008, 01:22 PM
 
Location: USA
1,246 posts, read 2,018,766 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by crazyworld View Post
Well then that is too bad because I still have the children that have crossed through my doors still keep in touch. I know I made a difference in children's lives. When I take on a family, they become part of our family when they are in my home.
I am sure you will tell me I am wrong though.
I so can understand that. Even though I stopped working full time when my son was about 18 months old. There were times when I had to periodically return to work (through temp agencies) because of finances. My son returned to his sitter during that time. My son still remembers his sitter and the time he spent with her. She was a next door neighbor of my best friend from childhood. Whenever we would go visit my friend, he'd insist on going to visit his old sitter. He remembers the love and attention she showered him and how she would help him learning new things. When she passed away, he was very saddened by it.

By the same token, my daughter started in the same private school that my son went to for pre-kinder type thing. She only when there for 2 years, she remembers them and loves them dearly. For a very long time, prior to my moving to a different city 3 years ago when she was 13, if we so much as drove by the place she would insist on going in to say hi to these people, who were very much like family. She would and to this day, can name them all by name. She has not forgotten a one of them despite the fact that she was only 3 and 4 at that time.

So yeah, kids do remember.
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Old 07-21-2008, 01:30 PM
 
Location: Where we enjoy all four seasons
20,337 posts, read 5,859,418 times
Reputation: 15634
I agree..I have a little girl who is now in third grade and when she has a bad day she asks her Dad if they can stop here to talk to me.sooooo cute.

I have had one family whom I have had for 18 years starting with the cousins... The last of the family is the 4 year old who will be moving on to preschool. She will still be here with me 1 day a week and I will tell you that when the siblings who are now 12 and 10 have a day off from school they too ask if they can come here for the day. Personally, I am honored.
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