cheating spouse (marriage, guys, love, husband)

[lostgirl123]

I recently confronted my husband and he admitted that he cheated on me. He said that it's not what I think, he thought it was a challange for him and he can't explain why he did, only that he was confused. He said he wants my forgiveness and to give him time to prove his love to me. I don't know if to believe him or not. We are in the processing of working it out. But I'm in alot of pain and I don't know if I can forget. He's the love of my life. Please advise. I need help!!!

[Ivorytickler]

I would suggest taking a long time to decide if you want him and why. Sometimes, our initial reaction is out of fear of losing what we only thought we had.

I'd suggest marriage counseling.

[findinghope]

sorry for your pain. i know most people will say once a cheater always a cheater! kick him to the curb! etc etc

but i think that is one of the main reasons there is so much divorce now.
am i saying what he did is ok?? NOOOOO!!!!!!!
but if you truly love eachother, and if he is truley sorry, maybe he deserves another chance. maybe he realized through cheating that nothing can compare to what he has--YOU.
if you feel like you need to get a divorce because that is what is expected--think very carefully. do what is in your heart and dont worry about what anyone else will say--they are not in your shoes.

[LoveBoating]

He said THIS to you???????? How long have you been married??? Does he even "act" like a husband or like he wants to be married???
I don't know, this kind of thing just happens wayyyyyyyy to often nowadays!! Be careful.........be VERY, VERY CAREFUL girl!!!

He said that it's not what I think, he thought it was a challange for him and he can't explain why he did, only that he was confused. He said he wants my forgiveness and to give him time to prove his love to me.

[lovesMountains]

Originally Posted by lostgirl123

I recently confronted my husband and he admitted that he cheated on me. He said that it's not what I think, he thought it was a challange for him and he can't explain why he did, only that he was confused. He said he wants my forgiveness and to give him time to prove his love to me. I don't know if to believe him or not. We are in the processing of working it out. But I'm in alot of pain and I don't know if I can forget. He's the love of my life. Please advise. I need help!!!

What he said could all well be true - BUT - he must back up his claims of remorse by IMMEDIATELY seeking personal counseling to get to the bottom of what would cause him to make such a distructive decision. If he does not get professional help to deal with this confusion and issues your marriage will most likely remain a train wreck. Don't even think for a minute you guys can work on this alone - you need help okay? Best of luck to you - it really can be done!

[CityGirl72]

HOw old are you guys? DO you have any kids?

If you are young and you have no kids my advice is : Life is too short. Move on.

[kleer]

Lorraine Bobbit had a good idea...

[mari4him]

Originally Posted by kleer

Lorraine Bobbit had a good idea...

Yeah I've often joked around saying her only mistake was she forgot the blender step to assure no reattachment could be made.

[jillz]

Originally Posted by mari4him

Yeah I've often joked around saying her only mistake was she forgot the blender step to assure no reattachment could be made.

Very funny! Or at the very least, hid the appendage where it wouldn't be found!

[mari4him]

Originally Posted by lostgirl123

I recently confronted my husband and he admitted that he cheated on me. He said that it's not what I think, he thought it was a challange for him and he can't explain why he did, only that he was confused. He said he wants my forgiveness and to give him time to prove his love to me. I don't know if to believe him or not. We are in the processing of working it out. But I'm in alot of pain and I don't know if I can forget. He's the love of my life. Please advise. I need help!!!

I'm sorry this happened to you and I understand the pain you are feeling. It is so sad how often this is heard of. A challenge, confusion.. no it was a total act of selfishness and thinking only of himself.

Look, forgetting is not going to happen. You are never going to be able to forget that it happened. You can choose to forgive, and that is a totally different thing. It is a process more than just a simple act and it is going to take time. Time for you to heal from the betrayal.

The one thing you have to do is sit down and truly consider the entire marriage. Other than this act of him cheating on you, is he a good husband, does he treat you right, is everything otherwise okay in your relationship. Is he truly sorry about what he did (only you can really know that as you know him). Is he willing to take whatever steps necessary to help rebuild your relationship and your trust in him. Is he willing to attend counseling and do whatever you may need to help you through this.

You need to weigh out the positives and the negatives of both staying with him and trying to work it out, or calling the relationship quits. Whatever you do, do what feels right in your heart for you. Don't base your decision to forgive him and work it out, or kick him out and get a divorce on what anyone is going to think. Bottom line is that the only one that has to live with the decision is you (and your children if you have any). So make the decision that is best for you at this time.