Bachelor/Bachlorette Parties & Strip Clubs (date, girls, love, husbands)

[sms0511]

Originally Posted by sms0511

what i highlighted is true, because, let's say that your hubby was the type that would go to one of these events if being invited, had you not told him about how you feel about those types of places, he would go -- how on earth would he know how you truly feel if you didn't tell him, right? Just because two people are in one relationship, it is not safe to assume right off the bat that your so would do exactly/ feel exactly as you do. That's why these types of issues need to be addressed way before two people decide to go forward in the relationship. Molding another's behaviors sounds exhausting, and nagging.

also, this is why i think you and i disagree on this issue: Correct me if i'm wrong, but you mentioned that in a relationship, it's all about "us", no longer about "oneself" anymore. My opinion is this:

even though the majority (not all) of the relationship/ marriage is about "us", each person in the relationship/ marriage needs to maintain his/ her individuality -- after all, isn't the other person's individuality the reason why you're with him/ her?

[mari4him]

Originally Posted by sms0511

My statement in regards to men being highly visual is based on biology, not moral standards, not about happiness in one's relationship. What you're talking about is based on decision-making. Two completely different fields.

True. However, even looking at it in that light alone, I still feel the same way. Personally I just don't believe that people or their behaviors are necessarily guided by biology alone. I do, however, believe their values, ethics, moral standards, upbringing, and environment has much to do with how they carry themselves and what affects/interests them or not.

[sms0511]

Originally Posted by mari4him

True. However, even looking at it in that light alone, I still feel the same way. Personally I just don't believe that people or their behaviors are necessarily guided by biology alone. I do, however, believe their values, ethics, moral standards, upbringing, and environment has much to do with how they carry themselves and what affects/interests them or not.

I think the main reason why our views differ is this:

even though the majority (not all) of the relationship/ marriage is about "us", each person in the relationship/ marriage needs to maintain his/ her individuality -- after all, isn't the other person's individuality the reason why you're with him/ her?

[Granny Sue]

This reminded me of my mother's 50th birthday....she wanted to go see the male strippers.....since I had never been and thru the goodness of my heart (cough) I decided to take her.

We go there and were honestly bored silly. I found I had the same respect for male strippers and I do for female strippers.

Few years later I met my now husband and he was all talk about how he liked the strip joints and I couldn't stop him from going...blah blah blah.
I told him....come on you know what it was......"you do what you want....I don't mind."
Back then I really did care but hey........

Now over the years I think he's gone maybe 2x and one was a batchlor party 15 yrs ago and the other was our son's 21st b'day. And they were home by 10pm.

Now that I really DON'T care he doesn't go, has no interest in it.

Myself, I don't see what the attaction is but it was never a big enough issue to make a fuss about.

[mari4him]

Originally Posted by sms0511

What I highlighted is true, because, let's say that your hubby was the type that would go to one of these events if being invited, had you NOT told him about how you feel about those types of places, he would go -- how on Earth would he know how you truly feel if you didn't tell him, right? Just because two people are in one relationship, it is not safe to assume right off the bat that your SO would do exactly/ feel exactly as you do. That's why these types of issues need to be addressed way before two people decide to go forward in the relationship. Molding another's behaviors sounds exhausting, and nagging.

Also, this is why I think you and I disagree on this issue: correct me if I'm wrong, but you mentioned that in a relationship, it's ALL about "US", no longer about "oneself" anymore. My opinion is this:

Even though the MAJORITY (not ALL) of the relationship/ marriage is about "US", each person in the relationship/ marriage NEEDS to maintain his/ her individuality -- after all, isn't the other person's INDIVIDUALITY the reason why you're with him/ her?

Yes you are partly wrong in your interpretation of what I wrote.

What I stated and believe is that in a relationship it is very much about "us" as a couple and what is best for the relationship and each other.
However, I didn't say or imply it's no longer about "oneself" at all. What I stated it was not "merely" about self. Meaning that "me" alone attitudes in a relationship can and often lead to problems and a selfishness that has no regards for the other person in the relationship.

However, when the "me" is balanced with the "us", then it makes for healthy relationships where mutual respect is found. That is what I was saying and what my opinion is.

[SanAntoQT]

I don't much care for male strippers. They do absolutely nothing for me. Females, on the other hand, I find quite appealing. I've gone to strip clubs with and without my SO. He's also gone without me. It makes no difference to me whether he goes or not. In our relationship, this has nothing to do with trust. It would not come as a shock or surprise to find out that he had gone. It would be the equivalent of having gone to a movie and not mentioning it right off, but having it come up in conversation later.

[yankeegirl313]

I personally, don`t see any reason for it. I mean, if the guys wanted to get together to go play pool, or a camping trip, or just get drunk over a football game, thats fine. But.....to have them go to a adult bachelor party, no.
The thought of my husband going to a strip club and getting a lap dance done on him by a stripper, doesn`t do anything for me either.
If he wants to watch someone dance around and take their clothes off in front of him, it will be me.

[cremebrulee]

[quote]

Originally Posted by mari4him

Thanks Creme. I agree that compatability is the key factor in the mix. Guess that's why personally I don't see it as a trust factor. Though I do realize that there are cases where that is or becomes the issue, but usually those problems run so far deeper than just attending such events and has little to do with that.

your very welcome, I do enjoy reading your posts....

hugs
creme

[Davachka]

I completely 100% trust my husband, more so than pretty much any man I have ever met.

That said, when he went away on his bachelor's trip to Montreal with 5 of his closest friends, I made sure to state my feelings on strip bars, and my hopes that he would not be entering one.

Why? Definitely not a trust issue. More of a moral or etiquette issue. I am completely turned off by the thought of a man, my fiancee/husband now, drooling over some other woman's body, while she suckers him for his cash, rolling her eyes at him on the inside. I am completely turned off by the thought of him being a trick.Then morally, how many strippers likely have drug/pill/alcohol problems that they are supporting with the money they make? How many were abused sexually or another way, which led them to feel that exposing their bodies is all they have?

I could go on and on, but the moral of the story is that no, he did not step foot into any strip bars. The last thing a man wants is for his fiancee to be turned off by him just before he gets married.

[sms0511]

Originally Posted by faina00

I completely 100% trust my husband, more so than pretty much any man I have ever met.

That said, when he went away on his bachelor's trip to Montreal with 5 of his closest friends, I made sure to state my feelings on strip bars, and my hopes that he would not be entering one.

Why? Definitely not a trust issue. More of a moral or etiquette issue. I am completely turned off by the thought of a man, my fiancee/husband now, drooling over some other woman's body, while she suckers him for his cash, rolling her eyes at him on the inside. I am completely turned off by the thought of him being a trick.Then morally, how many strippers likely have drug/pill/alcohol problems that they are supporting with the money they make? How many were abused sexually or another way, which led them to feel that exposing their bodies is all they have?

I could go on and on, but the moral of the story is that no, he did not step foot into any strip bars. The last thing a man wants is for his fiancee to be turned off by him just before he gets married.

Faina, your story is sweet and all, knowing that you stated that you did NOT want him to visit any stripbars in Montreal, etc., etc. Your story is commonly shared by many other women that do not want their men visiting stripbars.

But the danger in that situation lies in the fact that you HAD to tell him of how you felt. Have you heard of men out there holding a bachelor party as secret, because, just like you, the brides-to-be are not too appreciative of such events? Not to be a devil's advocate (or maybe I am by stating what I just said), they could have gone to one and dispose of any evidence, or could have gone to one and shared a common secrecy of not telling you, the bride?

Someone said on here that if you pick someone that you do NOT have to force your expectations upon -- because you and him are alot like thought wise -- is one of the keys to successful relationship, married or unmarried.