Verbal Abuse (dating, wife, married, women)

[Mr.Cat]

Just like the thread title says. I am being subject of verbal abuse by my wife. God forbid I have a simple question to ask her and her answer is: "Are you retarded?" or "Are you stupid?"
This is getting out of hand, we have two different personalities, her being extrovert with a I don't give a damn attitude and the temper to go with it, and me being introvert, pacifist and mild manner (just with her, anybody else get my true a-hole persona).

I am afraid one day I'm just gonna explode and let it all out regardless if I hurt her feelings or not. We've been married for 2 years, have 2 kids and one on the way and I really love her a lot but this attitude towards me is slowly killing that love/

Anybody has some thoughts/advice?

[Rcm58]

Mr. Cat I usually play to people like that, it being your wife might make it more difficult for you. try asking things like, is the stuff on your teeth the same thing as tartar sauce? and blink while saying it, should help your cause.....or not!

[miu]

Have you ever told her that her words hurt you? Have you ever asked her if she really thinks that you are stupid? I believe that verbal abuse is just as bad as physical abuse. It also shows a lack of respect and empathy towards ones partner.

If she said things like that to me, I might respond by saying "Are you serious? Do you really think that I am stupid?" Or "I'm not a mindreader, is it a problem sharing the information?" Or "Instead of insulting me, why can't you just tell me what I've asked? Is talking to me such a bother? You weren't all mean and b*tchy like this when we were dating."

Anyway, you need to talk this out with her calmly. She sounds like an impatient person that is very independent. She probably doesn't ask for help or answers much from anyone else. She needs to realize that everyone's minds work differently. Are you sure that you aren't repeating some of your requests for information?

BTW do the other members of her family talk like that? Sometimes verbal abuse is a pattern developed within families. And because they talk like that all of the time with each other, they become desensitized to the insult throwing.

[Erma]

Originally Posted by Mr.Cat

Just like the thread title says. I am being subject of verbal abuse by my wife. God forbid I have a simple question to ask her and her answer is: "Are you retarded?" or "Are you stupid?"
This is getting out of hand, we have two different personalities, her being extrovert with a I don't give a damn attitude and the temper to go with it, and me being introvert, pacifist and mild manner (just with her, anybody else get my true a-hole persona).

I am afraid one day I'm just gonna explode and let it all out regardless if I hurt her feelings or not. We've been married for 2 years, have 2 kids and one on the way and I really love her a lot but this attitude towards me is slowly killing that love/

Anybody has some thoughts/advice?

Have you asked her why she talks to you that way? IMO she lacks respect for you and has an insecurity issue of her own.

[overtaxedunderpaided]

Originally Posted by Mr.Cat

Just like the thread title says. I am being subject of verbal abuse by my wife. God forbid I have a simple question to ask her and her answer is: "Are you retarded?" or "Are you stupid?"
This is getting out of hand, we have two different personalities, her being extrovert with a I don't give a damn attitude and the temper to go with it, and me being introvert, pacifist and mild manner (just with her, anybody else get my true a-hole persona).

I am afraid one day I'm just gonna explode and let it all out regardless if I hurt her feelings or not. We've been married for 2 years, have 2 kids and one on the way and I really love her a lot but this attitude towards me is slowly killing that love/

Anybody has some thoughts/advice?

Dont tolerate it, my buddy exploded and is now in jail for spousal abuse............Walk and walk now! Unless something drastic happens, two totally different non appeasing personalities cannot make a go of it and in my opinion is a waste of time.

My daughter is also a very extroverted in your face type and i love my "little woman".........but having said that......she is a piece of work and needs a man that can handle a woman with a lot of spunk!!

[cpg35223]

Oooh. That's verboten in our family. In 17 years, we never called each other names in anger. Well, once my wife called me an idiot when I suggested that maybe she wasn't doing the right thing to fix the vacuum cleaner, and punctuated the remark by lobbing the floor attachment at my head. I decided that discretion was the better part of valor and left the room. Even then, she apologized later.

But names are meant to hurt people. Shouldn't be allowed, particularly with a child.

[mrstewart]

Ask her if she speaks to her mother with that mouth.

[Erma]

Originally Posted by overtaxedunderpaided

My daughter is also a very extroverted in your face type and i love my "little woman".........but having said that......she is a piece of work and needs a man that can handle a woman with a lot of spunk!!

I wouldn't call it spunk...there's a problem there. My step daughter was that way and isn't any more! We sent her to therapy a couple times and the problem was her father didn't spend enough time with her growing up. People who don't get this problem solved by anger management counseling, end up in Jail or Prison.

[Hobokenkitchen]

Originally Posted by Mr.Cat

I am afraid one day I'm just gonna explode and let it all out regardless if I hurt her feelings or not. We've been married for 2 years, have 2 kids and one on the way and I really love her a lot but this attitude towards me is slowly killing that love/

Anybody has some thoughts/advice?

Mr Cat; next time she does it, say exactly what you said here: " I really love you, but when you speak to me like that it is slowly killing my love for you".

Then walk away quietly. That more than any outburst or anger would stop most women in their tracks.
If she wants to discuss it further, then ask her to stop the name calling as it really is starting to affect the way you feel both towards her and yourself and it is unacceptable.

Don't lose your temper or make a fight of it. Just tell the truth as you have here. If my DH said that something I was doing was killing his love for me, I would sit up and listen for sure.

[SanAntoQT]

Originally Posted by Mr.Cat

Just like the thread title says. I am being subject of verbal abuse by my wife. God forbid I have a simple question to ask her and her answer is: "Are you retarded?" or "Are you stupid?"
This is getting out of hand, we have two different personalities, her being extrovert with a I don't give a damn attitude and the temper to go with it, and me being introvert, pacifist and mild manner (just with her, anybody else get my true a-hole persona).

I am afraid one day I'm just gonna explode and let it all out regardless if I hurt her feelings or not. We've been married for 2 years, have 2 kids and one on the way and I really love her a lot but this attitude towards me is slowly killing that love/

Anybody has some thoughts/advice?

Well, Mr. Cat, take that a-hole persona, go take your ball$ out of her purse and give her what for! Let her know, in no uncertain terms, that you will no longer allow her to speak to you in that manner and mean it! No woman worth her salt wants a man she can walk all over. You haven't shown her she can't and disrespects you for it. I know that if my ol' man allowed me to speak to him that way, I would lose respect for him.