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Old 07-24-2008, 02:21 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,837 posts, read 79,101,379 times
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I was reading this article about arranged marriages on my break and also saw a similar movie recently and decided to start this discussion.

Here are a couple of paragraphs from it:

Because women go into arranged marriages knowing that they have to learn to love their spouse, they focus on his positive qualities and let go of the little things that don’t really matter. Instead of dwelling on Why didn’t he do that?, they look for what he did right. “It changes the whole relationship dynamic,” Seth says. “When you’re appreciative toward your spouse, he reciprocates.”

Since arranged marriages don’t arise from traditional courtship, the women who enter them toss their expectations of traditional displays of romance (think fancy, candlelit dinners). They value little acts of love – like when he gives you the bigger half of the piece of cake – which can often be even more meaningful.


Redbook

Since we all know what the divorce rate is in our society where people enter marriages mostly for romantic reasons, which in itself is a fairly recent phenomenon leading to much misunderstanding about the assignment of the roles in them, would anybody actually consider trying an arranged marriage? In the movie I mentioned - Fox Searchlight - The Namesake - Official Site - an Indian guy moves to the US first alone and then goes back to India to find a wife. The two families got together each praising its offspring and that was all that happened before the wedding… These people really grew to love each other. They weren’t demonstrative in showing affection (perhaps it’s not part of the culture), but you could tell how deeply they care for each other. Of course, being alone in a foreign country fending for yourselves does create a strong bond as well, but it wouldn’t be the only reason. Seems like calmer love always wins over the quick non-lasting sparks a lot of us mistake for love and for basis for getting married.

What do you think? Would you hypothetically consider it?
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Old 07-24-2008, 02:42 PM
 
Location: Cumberland Co., TN
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Yes. After some of the losers Ive been with, I've often said my parents would have done a better job of picking a mate for me.
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Old 07-24-2008, 03:21 PM
 
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The Zulus used to have this elaborate ceremonies where all the boys and girls of age all gathered together in one place. They would dance this long and complicated dance that would last for hours, changing up order, etc. etc. At the end, the boys would form one line and the girls would form another. And who wound up across from you was your spouse.

Not very personal. Not very romantic. Not how I'd want to choose a spouse. But it sure eliminated all that wasted time and energy.
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Old 07-24-2008, 03:23 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 2mares View Post
Yes. After some of the losers Ive been with, I've often said my parents would have done a better job of picking a mate for me.
Heck no. Considering some of the women my mother thought would be perfect for me, I don't think so. I don't know why, but she always had a preference for girls who giggled a lot and talked like babies. And yet she had me for a son. Go figure.
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Old 07-24-2008, 04:24 PM
 
Location: Mableton, GA USA (NW Atlanta suburb, 4 miles OTP)
11,319 posts, read 22,494,728 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
The Zulus used to have this elaborate ceremonies where all the boys and girls of age all gathered together in one place. They would dance this long and complicated dance that would last for hours, changing up order, etc. etc. At the end, the boys would form one line and the girls would form another. And who wound up across from you was your spouse.

Not very personal. Not very romantic. Not how I'd want to choose a spouse. But it sure eliminated all that wasted time and energy.
The movie Zulu has a good example of this, I think, at the beginning (before things get a bit more violent). I love listening to the chanting/music.
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Old 07-24-2008, 04:29 PM
 
Location: Tucson
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
The Zulus used to have this elaborate ceremonies where all the boys and girls of age all gathered together in one place. They would dance this long and complicated dance that would last for hours, changing up order, etc. etc. At the end, the boys would form one line and the girls would form another. And who wound up across from you was your spouse.

Not very personal. Not very romantic. Not how I'd want to choose a spouse. But it sure eliminated all that wasted time and energy.
Sounds nice and simple.

Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
Heck no. Considering some of the women my mother thought would be perfect for me, I don't think so. I don't know why, but she always had a preference for girls who giggled a lot and talked like babies. And yet she had me for a son. Go figure.
Perhaps you took after you Dad... Then again, not too many men are giggly and talk like babies. I'm a woman and I can't stand such women. Sometimes I feel I have some wrong chromosomes.
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Old 07-24-2008, 04:35 PM
 
Location: South Fla
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Heck no! My judgement is a lot better than my mothers, I couldn't imagine what she would have brought home, very scary I'm practical, my Mom, not so much.
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Old 07-24-2008, 04:40 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,837 posts, read 79,101,379 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LLLL98 View Post
Heck no! My judgement is a lot better than my mothers, I couldn't imagine what she would have brought home, very scary I'm practical, my Mom, not so much.
Ha! You'd think mothers should be more practical... but yeah, I know that's not always the case.

Perhaps a decision can be made based on whether one's parents' marriage was happy or not.
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Old 07-24-2008, 04:40 PM
 
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When my husband went to ask my father for my hand in marriage, my dad told him " I knew from the minute I first met you when you were 12, that you were the one for my daughter."

My mother would have probably arranged a marriage for me in the parking lot of a Grateful Dead show...judgment not so great.
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Old 07-24-2008, 04:42 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,837 posts, read 79,101,379 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mrstewart View Post
When my husband went to ask my father for my hand in marriage, my dad told him " I knew from the minute I first met you when you were 12, that you were the one for my daughter."
Wow, total agreement!

Quote:
My mother would have probably arranged a marriage for me in the parking lot of a Grateful Dead show...judgment not so great.
Did she like him as well?
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