But He Knows I Didn't Mean It.... (married, guys, husband)

[Sweetie Pie]

Originally Posted by 2mares

There is where the problem started. You need to work on honesty and communication instead of getting mad. When this happens simply state "baby were not done yet" if that dosent work, let him know that deal can work both ways. If all else fails, get out your toys. Once they hear that vibrator purring they will get with the program. Now dosent that sound like more fun than pouting and fighting?

Great response!

We have a WINNER!!!!!!!!!!!!

[driftwoodpoint]

I think women have a tendency to think that men can read their minds. It just doesn't work that way. Some topics are harder to discuss than others. But if you are having sex then you should be mature enough to talk about sex with him. I think he would be hurt to think he wasn't meeting your needs and just didn't know. Maybe if you were open about your needs you may find that he has some needs of his own that he has not voiced...than you both will be happy.

[charolastra00]

I don't mean to cut a low blow- but don't you have a young son? Just because you may not "say things you don't mean" to him, don't you think he hears you? You need to get a grip- it's not just about you and your boyfriend.

And I'm sorry, but you're not that young either. If you're so young that you can't act like an adult, then you should reconsider being in a relationship. Don't think that just because your boyfriend laughed it off that he's not deeply hurt by what you said. Also, the reason why you got upset is really childish as well. Adults talk that sort of thing out, not throw a hissy fit. If you can't discuss sex problems with him, then you shouldn't be having sex.

I'm not trying to be too hard on you but I see this happen so often among my peers (who are younger than you, by the way) and it frustrates me to no end.

[Granny Sue]

I've read the posts and I'm going to go in a different direction.....I'm glad that you realized that you were the one at fault and super glad that he called you on it.

This is how abusive relationships start...and I think you nipped it in the bud. If everyone did this we wouldn't have threads that ask why men are so dumb or why do women let men dictate their lives.

Learning to communicate takes time and realizing where we ourselves are at fault is much harder than learning where they are.

[professorsenator]

So, natalayjones, you say things that you claim that you don't mean, and you behave in a manner that you say that you recognize is harmful and yet you do it anyway. Frankly, that's a bunch of B.S. You behave the way you do because you *want* to. You could have defused the initial situation by stating "oh, I'm not going anywhere" or any number of other different ways. But you didn't because you didn't want to -- you wanted to escalate each step in order to provoke a reaction or somehow "save face."

Your boyfriend's face turned ashen because you hurt him and you know it. Now you want to somehow undo the damage, but you know that you can't do that either. You want to say and do hurtful things but then don't want your boyfriend to be hurt. But it doesn't work that way -- you don't get a free pass in life to be a jerk without hurting others. Jerks hurt people, and you were acting like a jerk.

Frankly, I think your boyfriend should dump you -- seems to me that he deserves to be with someone who doesn't hurt his feelings. On the other hand, you need to take a long, hard look in the mirror and figure out why you are so selfish and feel the need to be mean and hurtful.

[delusianne]

I think you were both tired

[Tzaphkiel]

you are responsible for your actions, and for the consequences of your actions
yes, it is about maturity and you know you have some work to do in that area

people who don't want to have to deal with that level of drama, chaos, manipulation, and game-playing will clear out of your life

also apologizing after the fact is utterly meaningless if you don't change your behavior

[Tzaphkiel]

Originally Posted by TrishP7

Lol..wow, cut the girl some slack!! Natalay..its ok, just make it up to him. But yes, try to just walk away to avoid conflict. I use to be like that in my young 20's..its just a part of growing up. You'll do just fine. Cook him dinner or take him to his fav restaraunt..even thats a little drastic. Just apologize and keep it moving!

it's not enough to just apologize if she doesn't change her behavior in the future. "making it up to him" is not nearly as important as more maturity, self-control, and cut the game playing

[Claire_F]

Whoa there - you've got quite a temper. You really, really need to learn how to rein it in. Take a deep breath, count to ten, and really think before you speak or act.

Originally Posted by natalayjones

I just want him to be as pissed off as I am.

Originally Posted by natalayjones

I was just stressed about other things and wanted him to be stressed too.

These are the two sentences that stand out the most for me. If you really love him, why on earth would you want him to be angry and stressed? Just because you are? How very selfish. First of all, you had no real reason to be angry. Second, if you're stressed about other things, you should try to learn from him how he handles stress so well, rather than try to stress him out, too.

There's just so much wrong with those two statements.

[TrishP7]

Originally Posted by DimSumRaja

it's not enough to just apologize if she doesn't change her behavior in the future. "making it up to him" is not nearly as important as more maturity, self-control, and cut the game playing

I believe that she will grow out of her tantrums, she may have to pay for the circumstances..but she can't be something she's not. She's heading in the right direction. She knows that she's wrong and she will have to make some changes. But as I read the other threads..I felt like you guys were being too hard on her. JMO.