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The fact that you are both young and you are going away to college, which no doubt involves so many new experiences for you, is what concerns me more than the long distance in and of itself.
I met my husband online and he lived 3 hours away from me. For 10 months we took turn making the drive to see each other and spend the weekends together. I know everyone is different and because it works out for some, doesn't mean that it will work out for others. But thats the thing, the flip side is just because it doesn't work out for some, doesn't mean it won't for you guys.
The key is 1) the amount of trust you have in each other, 2) how committed to each other, this relationship and making it work you both are, and 3) the availability of time and willingness to make the time that you guys have for each other to perhaps spend at least a couple weekends a month together.
But I would say that trust and committment are crucial. Without those two elements it won't work out. Mind you, those are in addition to the very important communication you need to have with each. Communicating daily if possible. Talk about feelings, experiences, future plans, etc.
It can work out. Like I said, my husband and I did it for 10 months. It was really difficult but the difficulty came in the fact that we missed each other so much while apart. Fortunately, we both had total trust in one another. We spoke on the phone daily. We used IM to communicate as well. Webcams for a while there too. We got to see each other every weekend and got through the week counting down those sleeps until Friday would roll around.
With school, however, you are going to have a lot of adjustments to make trying to balance out your school load. You may not be able to communicate or visit as often as both of you would like. But so long as you communicate such matters with her, and she can be understanding and supportive of you, you stand a chance.
I have to agree with what you said, you are not going to know until you try. If you really love her and she loves you, give it a shot.
I'm young and on my way to college next month, and I've been with a girl my age for about half a year now. She's staying local while I go away to a school about 3 hours from home. We've already pretty much decided we're staying together, but the thought of us taking this step has caused both of us a little bit of anxiety.
Has anyone here (in the past or present) been in a situation similar to mind? Did it turn out good, or terrible?
I'm not that naive, and I know this is going to be an uphill battle and will probably end up badly, but as long as she's willing to put in the effort, so am I.
What do you guys think? Am I going to be wasting my time when I should be living it up? For the record I will be home for breaks, and the very occasional weekend, so I feel like I could be worse off anyway...
Dude...try a 7,000 mile long distance relationship! It's a drag. But when we do get together not a minute is wasted. When I go to visit her a week feels like a month. Just hang in there. The time goes by quick if you stay busy and don't dwell on the fact she's so far away.
Thanks Rance, that makes me feel a little bit better haha . I admire the fact that you are so optimistic of your own situation.
And may I just throw out there that I spend alot of time on the Alaska thread (Im sorta a sucker for your state) and the pictures you take are breathtaking! I've enjoyed your posts for a long time, even though it took me awhile to make an account lol
My SO and I are moving in together (finally) after spending more than a year apart long distance. (and I assure you, we were 1500 miles apart- we would have loved to be only three hours!). As others have said, long distance relationships can work, but they require trust and commitment from BOTH people involved.
In the end, if it doesn't work, stay optimistic: at least you learned something (I've been in a few long distance relationships)- and you know more about what you would be seeking.
I think that if you both want it bad enough, it can happen.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223
Your intentions are good. Keep in touch, but don't expect it to last. Sorry.
I say let her go, live up your college years, and then if at the end you two end up back together, well then you know it was meant to be. Sounds like puppy love. How cute. While it is noble to hang on and stay true to her, it is also unrealistic and the cards are not stacked either of yours' favor. It is not healthy to try and continue this relationship, it will only lead to frustration and in the end one of you is going to get hurt and probably feel stupid. You two have decided to stay together because it is easier to say that now and then let time, and distance end the relationship then to just end it now.
You are going three hours away; new city, new people. You are also going to college, not to an extended stay at grandma's playing bingo in her church basement.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rance
When I go to visit her a week feels like a month.
A week that feels like a month to me sounds like you are counting down the seconds and can't wait to get the heck away from her. I have a feeling that is not what you are saying.
Last edited by K-Luv; 07-26-2008 at 10:35 PM..
Reason: because I stubbed my spleen.
A week that feels like a month to me sounds like you are counting down the seconds and can't wait to get the heck away from her. I have a feeling that is not what you are saying.
You couldn't be more wrong. When I get home after a week in Sweden, I am plumb worn out. From the moment we wake up to the minute we crash we are hiking, shopping, road tripping, visiting, sightseeing etc. I hate leaving her. But I have a high paying job, and she is traveling around Europe with her Mom right now. She will be coming to Alaska this next month and we are getting married the end of September. After being engaged for a year I'm tired of waiting and will be glad to finally be married. Although the distance apart is great...our relationship has been rock solid. This is exactly what I am saying.
All good responses....but I guess the consensus is we're both going to have to try 100%....and for our sake I hope she does. She is a little emotionally insecure at times, and our upcoming situation really doesn't well suit her weaknesses. I'm going to try as hard as I can to keep it alive, hopefully she won't give up on me so easily hah
You couldn't be more wrong. When I get home after a week in Sweden, I am plumb worn out. From the moment we wake up to the minute we crash we are hiking, shopping, road tripping, visiting, sightseeing etc. I hate leaving her.
Ah, I thought that is what you meant (well, with a different set of activities ).
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jabberw0cky
....but I guess the consensus is we're both going to have to try 100%....and for our sake I hope she does. She is a little emotionally insecure at times, and our upcoming situation really doesn't well suit her weaknesses. I'm going to try as hard as I can to keep it alive, hopefully she won't give up on me so easily hah
Well, it sounds like you have doubts....about her.
A couple is made up of two people. Prior to meeting these two people had their own lives, then, when they get together they create this one life that they now share. Most people, even though they now have this one life that they are sharing with someone else, still retain that other life that they had. And, some people don't (avoid these people). I hope for her sake that she does what is best for her to do. And I hope that you do the same for you. A relationship, no matter the distance, only works when both people are on board. If one wants out, or has different plans then the other person is SOL. You can hope all you want; if she's not into it then she's not into it.
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For the record I will be home for breaks, and the very occasional weekend, so I feel like I could be worse off anyway...
. I admire the fact that you are so optimistic of your own situation.
I despise having to leave her...
). 
