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I'm a guy, I'm 23, I think I'm nice enough and look alright (without going overboard), dress well, etc...
Ok, all that aside, I just don't know how to date.
I've had 2 girlfriends, both were kinda flukes I guess, as in, the situations how it came about won't really come about again often.
While I see everyone in college hooking up, scoring lots of people, getting gf/bf's and making loads of friends, I was the total opposite.
I made no friends, I did a computer course for 4 years. The class was very typically "nerdy". I like the work but I also like going out and having fun, I didn't like playing games and stuff 24 hours like the rest of the class.
I just never really met people. I have a few other friends (guys) but they're very shut off, don't like going out of the house, dont have any other social circle or maybe meet people that way.
I've tried SOME classes and stuff but people rarely seem interested in flirting or anything...
Heck, I don't even know how to flirt.
I like going out but feel so self conscious if I went to a club alone I just couldn't possibly start a conversation.
I made some friends while with my GF but obviously after the breakup that sort of alienated me rather than helped me keep the new social cricle.
I so dearly miss being part of a social circle, doing fun things and going places and meeting people.
I thnk I have a bit of a social anxiety as I seem to freeze up if I feel I need to talk to people without there being a DIRECT reason to talk like buying something in a store or something.
I think I wasted a lot of years in school/college where guys learn this stuff. I just wasn't going out and meeting people like I should have. Now I don;'t really have friends and don't know how to meet people.
I think I'm a nice guy but I think I come across as quiet or shy or cut off since I'm not the most experienced at being social, I do try... but....
Does anyone have any advice as to where I might start meeting people or how I might get them interested. It's quite a while since I was with my last gf and I would really like to get my thins back together.
Get out there and mingle!
I know its easier said than done, but thats the only way your going to meet people. Try to be confident in yourself. You said your not a bad looking guy, so start with that. You have that going for yourself..now, add some confidence with it, and your in!
Try not to over analyze a situation, and don`t worry so much.
Don`t think about what your going to say so much, or that you may say something wrong...be yourself, smile alot, hold your head up, and walk over to someone and say hello.
My husband is the quiet type, until he gets to know you. He was full of confidence in himself after that...sometimes he carried it too far, but girls like that! Good luck!
Get a buddy and go out, sit at the bar, have a few drinks(beer or another "mans drink".....no wine coolers!). Feel the place out, talk, joke and talk to other guys.......just shoot the $h!t.
After a few beers go up and talk to the first girl you make eye contact with, THE FIRST ONE! Talk to her just like to a guy. If she blows you off, who cares, go have another beer and do it again.
It's like fish'n; drink beer, relax, have fun, and don't be afraid of what you hook up with. If you don't catch anything, well you had some beer and relaxed.
DO NOT GO THERE LOOK'N FOR A GIRLFRIEND!!! It just "falls into place". Keep your chin up and don't be afraid of anyone. They are all people like you, doing the same thing. You'll find one............every lake has one.
Edit: I've actually had more women come up and flirt since I was married than in college. Just be yourself, if they don't like it they can ***** off.
I've tried SOME classes and stuff but people rarely seem interested in flirting or anything...
Go out and take some more classes or find activities like team sports or volunteer work. You need an activity that you truly enjoy doing for the sake of doing it. And don't do them for the purpose of flirting with the women. Find some new people that you really click with. It takes time to find people that turn into real friends. And I think that it's creepy to do an activity for the main purpose of flirting with the women doing it. Women can smell that agenda from a mile away...
wow...I feel like I'm in exactly the same situation...I've actually been diagnosed with Social Anxiety like you mentioned (not fun at all...). I've done the whole bar scene and find it pretty lame overall. All the guys seem to be there just looking to get a girl, and I'm not into that. If I'm going to drink, I'd rather it be with a few friends sitting around a bonfire or something, but I don't do it all that much. To make it worse, almost all my friends are guys, which makes it fairly difficult to meet someone while hanging out with friends...lol
I'm totally horrible with picking up on flirting and stuff...my friends say I'm not confident enough to convince myself that people are actually flirting...
Does anyone have any advice as to where I might start meeting people or how I might get them interested. It's quite a while since I was with my last gf and I would really like to get my thins back together.
Thanks everyone.
C.
Here is my unfiltered advice... stop being a pu$$y and go after what you want in life. Get your act together and do what you love and be good at it.
The women will come to you. It also helps to be friendly, humors, and self confident.
I'm all of above but more of an a$$hole who can be nice once in a blue moon.
Sounds like the problem I had. Here's how I cured myself. Study some Social PSYCHOLOGY - helps a lot, because you learn what makes people tick and you can find interests in other people and find a point of balance in yourself that -all- girls like. Qualities such as above poster mentioned. EXCEPT being humorous, charming, etc that he mentioned, doesn't keep a girl very long - I would say not longer then 2 years. What's really needed is a special something - many interests that you both can enjoy together - and have some distinguishing characteristic that sets you apart from the majority of guys. Having a mysterious side helps too. Most girls want a guy that they feel is "A special catch" don't try so hard to be like everyone's view of a perfect guy -cuz there's plenty out there that already are, and the girl won't care to lose you cuz you can be replaced - This is of course if you want a relationship to go further then just a passionate fizzle........ Also, since you're a smart guy, realize that all humans are just animals - we're all doomed - we're all searching for that "special someone" (hell even Hitler) and realize that EVERYONE is thinking "What does s/he think about ME!?" not just you.... This will help with your anxiety - and build your confidence in social situations. Also know that nothing bad will occur if you attempt a social situation. (You're not going to die..) This is how you garner confidence - then it's a gradual incline because confidence breeds actions which breeds more confidence.
To flirt some simple techniques - Make eye contact!, be witty, (girls like a guy who can make them laugh AND demonstrate they have the capability for an intellectual convo) smile (if you have a nice one, if you don't - see an orthodontist!) and having confidence in your ability as a human-being helps in flirting too.
I was at the point of wanting some attention like yourself - now I don't care cuz reguardless of where I go (I move homes a lot, like 1x a year) I know what people like and making new friends is actually annoying now. (to have lots cuz they are needy) So ironically I choose to be a loner...Also because the logic I mentioned earlier - makes it easier to get into the swing of things socially - BUT it also makes you really non-empathetic.. I won't mention my personal examples of being non-empathetic. Some are kind of cruel. So it's kinda best I don't be too social - as I have hurt people b4. (i'm kinda sadistic I admit)
I'm still searching for my perfect "someone" tho - I think I found her but she's in Vancouver Canada and i'm in the U.S right now...And she's really difficult... She's kind of like angel and i'm more a demon...And our world philosophies are completely different - she's so optimistic and I've always been more a "The brighter the picture, the darker the negative" kinda guy -An example - she goes salsa dancing on weekends - I HATE it cuz IMO only men that want some close and cheap feels do that stuff, but she looks on brighter side and sees it only as men who want to or know how to dance....We're like complete opposites! And I ****ing love it, she does too...(And she's adorable!) It gives me an urge to protect her and her innocense.... Sorry i'm off topic now... O_O
I'm a guy, I'm 23, I think I'm nice enough and look alright (without going overboard), dress well, etc...
Ok, all that aside, I just don't know how to date.
I've had 2 girlfriends, both were kinda flukes I guess, as in, the situations how it came about won't really come about again often.
While I see everyone in college hooking up, scoring lots of people, getting gf/bf's and making loads of friends, I was the total opposite.
I made no friends, I did a computer course for 4 years. The class was very typically "nerdy". I like the work but I also like going out and having fun, I didn't like playing games and stuff 24 hours like the rest of the class.
I just never really met people. I have a few other friends (guys) but they're very shut off, don't like going out of the house, dont have any other social circle or maybe meet people that way.
I've tried SOME classes and stuff but people rarely seem interested in flirting or anything...
Heck, I don't even know how to flirt.
I like going out but feel so self conscious if I went to a club alone I just couldn't possibly start a conversation.
I made some friends while with my GF but obviously after the breakup that sort of alienated me rather than helped me keep the new social cricle.
I so dearly miss being part of a social circle, doing fun things and going places and meeting people.
I thnk I have a bit of a social anxiety as I seem to freeze up if I feel I need to talk to people without there being a DIRECT reason to talk like buying something in a store or something.
I think I wasted a lot of years in school/college where guys learn this stuff. I just wasn't going out and meeting people like I should have. Now I don;'t really have friends and don't know how to meet people.
I think I'm a nice guy but I think I come across as quiet or shy or cut off since I'm not the most experienced at being social, I do try... but....
Does anyone have any advice as to where I might start meeting people or how I might get them interested. It's quite a while since I was with my last gf and I would really like to get my thins back together.
Thanks everyone.
C.
Awww, how cute are you! What you need is some confidence. You need to be confident in who you are and accept yourself for who you are...you can't offer "you" to anyone else if you haven't accepted you......You sound like a really sweet, smart guy, there should be more like you. Once you get that confidence in yourself it will show emensley! People will notice, especially women, and that will take you farther than you might think.
Best of Luck!
There are definitely many people who experience what you're experiencing, myself included, so don't feel that you're the only one.
One thing that helps is to tell yourself that if you mess up, it's okay because you're doing you're best and what else can you do. You are just human like everyone else. Basically, don't put the pressure on yourself.
Try to forget yourself while you're talking to someone else and focus only on them. Notice something interesting about them that you'd like to find out more about, and ask them about it. Become so focused on the other person that you don't have time to worry about being anxious.
Practice this as much as you can. Immerse yourself in as many social situations everyday, until it becomes just another part of everyday life. Because if you do it all the time, it's hard to be anxious every single second of everyday about it. Eventually, it will come more naturally and when you're least expecting it, something good will happen.
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