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You have to make this decision for yourself. I think most people just know when the time is right for them. If you decide you don't have the love to give or really want just for it to be the two of you than you have the right to choose that. I know some couples who have no children who are happy and enjoying life to the fullest.
My youngest daughter and her husband babysat a lot for relatives which really helped them to decide when they were ready for children of their own. We had five children, two girls and three boys. I can honestly say that I loved every minute of it. Then of course I added two foster kids to the mix. The kids were active and happy and have turned into great adults. I was a stay at home mom until they were all in school. They I subbed at school and taught at a university for ten years. Now we are in the grand parents stage and it is more wonderful that I could have imagined. We have three grand daughters and one on the way. I watch two during the school year while my daughter teaches. I must admit I nap when they do, but the joy is beyond words. I try to watch them to give the parents a break so they can have some time by themselves. My parents didn't do that for me. I want to be a wonderful influence in their lives.
Very interesting thread. Though I admit to having a nod in agreement with a few folks here. Even DimSumRaja. If you have to ask, then honestly, you probably already know what your own answer is. Nobody can answer that question for you but yourselves. Not strangers on the internet, not your best friends or even your family. Only the two of you. And in doing that, you are making the best decision for your lives, whichever direction it may head in.
I was married at 21. Had my first child at 23. I always knew I would have children. And knew I wanted to marry someone who was on the same page as myself. I spent a lot of time babysitting growing up for families and friends etc. I knew what children took to some degree.
They do have a part in all the things you are concerned about. Money issues, time devotion and yes, even your sex life. Children, like many have said, are a 24/7 job. Your life suddenly becomes (to a certain degree) 2nd to this tiny little being.
That being said, that is not necessarily a bad thing for some people. For others it is a deal breaker. It's not something they can or should adjust their life to if it's not what makes them happy. KWIM?
I will say that my marriage, even through it's hills and valleys, has become stronger after having children. Is it because of them? I think some of it is. Is it just because of the years of spending time with one another? Could be part of that too. I've been with my husband for 13 years and married for almost 10 of them. And even with all the stresses of children, it's amazing to feel the way I do about him (and he of me).
I adore my children. Even though there are times I just need a break and some time to myself to re-energize and center myself. They are the best thing that I've ever done in my life. And the rewards of being a part of their lives I feel far outweigh any of the potential cons of raising children. I'm not going to get too mushy on ya here. But honestly...think it through and only you can choose what you need to do for your family. Good luck!
I wouldn't even consider it until you just "know". I think I was 25 when I got pregnant, my husband 28. We just knew we were ready and wanted a child.
So all the "inconveniences" we never considered inconvenient. We never let the fact that we had a child stop us from doing things - we just took him along. He's grown up to be a very mature young man with great taste . We would take him to nice restaurants, etc. - he learned young how to behave in certain situations. Other adults loved having him around.
I'll admit I couldn't imagine having more than one. We are even enjoying the teenage years as he's great to hang out with and likes being around us.
But it's certainly not for everyone. I know having more than one would NOT have been for us. My older sisters both had "oops" babies a few years back. We were visiting when one of them was 2 and the other was pregnant. After years of wanting my husband to get snipped, he finally did after that family get together. I think we hadn't been home more than a week!
We all just got together again and one of the little ones is now four, then other two. It's exhausting to watch. I couldn't got through that again and wondered how I did it in the first place.....
If you've got a good marriage, kids will only make it better, if you have a rocky one, kids can make it even worse.
We got married at 19 and didn't have our first child till we were 27. We were just too busy having fun and I'm glad we waited and had all that time for ourselves.
Our relationship has changed, not just because of kids, but because we've been married longer and things just change. We have ups and downs in our marriage, but that's to be expected when you've been married 23 years!
I love my husband and my children and am so greatful that I have all of them. I couldn't imagine going through life without children.
My husband and I talk on the phone throughout the day and go out on "dates". Children can be stressful on a relationship, but then they also add so much more.
I'm never having children. So yes, kids are a wreck and they often strain relationships. Kids are a huge expense nd responsibility. I don't see why the majority of people would want to put up with these little brats.
I think the world would be a better place if more people stopped polluting.
Quote:
Originally Posted by NWPAguy
I'm constantly hearing married people talking about how kids impact their lives. As you read this, bear in mind that I really do like kids of all ages.
I've heard all of the negatives... kids wreck your sex life, they require a lot of time and effort investment, they make you want to get away from them sometimes, they become the focal point in your life (rather than just the two of you), you have to make life decisions and location decisions with the kids in mind (which may leave you in a situation you personally don't care for), and sometimes if the kid is born with severe mental deficiencies, he/she may never be able to move out in his/her 20s (translation: you'll never again be alone at home for any extended length of time).
Many parents (PARENTS! Not just adults...) have told me to wait as long as I can before I have kids. That doesn't bode well. I'm 28 and my wife is 23. Neither one of us wants to see our relationship or our sex life suffer due to the presence of kids... although we have heard people say that kids have brought them immeasurable joy. That's great... but we don't want relationship damage just to get joy from someone else (even if that someone else happens to be our offspring). So, for the parents among you: Tell me why we should or should not have kids... and attack this from a relationship and/or marriage standpoint.
I'm never having children. So yes, kids are a wreck and they often strain relationships. Kids are a huge expense nd responsibility. I don't see why the majority of people would want to put up with these little brats.
I think the world would be a better place if more people stopped polluting.
Wow. You are probably one of those that the best thing is for you not to have children based on your opinion of them.
As to the bolded part... why people would want to "put up with these little brats"? First, the majority of us don't see kids as little brats or pollution. Second, perhaps for the same reason your parents "put up" with you.. love.
As for the world being a better place, really think about that. If having children equates to polluting, and people ought to stop polluting this means they should stop having children. The world would not then be a better place, and if it were... who would know... it would be empty (without humans) in 80-100 years give or take.
Wow. You are probably one of those that the best thing is for you not to have children based on your opinion of them.
As to the bolded part... why people would want to "put up with these little brats"? First, the majority of us don't see kids as little brats or pollution. Second, perhaps for the same reason your parents "put up" with you.. love.
As for the world being a better place, really think about that. If having children equates to polluting, and people ought to stop polluting this means they should stop having children. The world would not then be a better place, and if it were... who would know... it would be empty (without humans) in 80-100 years give or take.
Meh. I wouldn't bother. Just a ray of sunshine. Between that and most women are 'stuck up' one might say there are "issues".
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But honestly...think it through and only you can choose what you need to do for your family. 
Good luck!
